Eeyore daughter and Tigger Mom, achieving balance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop trying to make her see the bright side. Each time you do that, you're dismissing her feelings. My mother is like this, and then complains I don't talk to her. Well, I've been going through a VERY harsh time for almost two years, and her peppy comments just make me feel worse, and more alone, rather than better. I once said to her, "Just once, can't you just say 'Yeah, that must really, really suck!' so I know you're hearing me?" And she can't. So I don't talk to her.

+1

I've been through some very dark periods in my life (like high school), and in my experience, the unabashed "Tiggers" really were incapable of seeing/understanding that sometimes a person might know there is a "bright side", but be unable to reach it at the time. There is NOTHING more irritating than a person who prattles and bubbles happily at you when you are going through a difficult time, urging you to "look on the bright side" or changing the subject back to rainbows and sunshine, and there are few things as isolating as being confronted by someone else's determinedly bright, brittle, everlasting burble of joy in response to a situation in which you really just want empathy and an acknowledgement that while the situation is bad, the other person understands and is there for you, and loves you.

I cannot abide the Tiggers in life, but I try to remind myself that they are this way because they haven't ever experienced real darkness, or because they aren't clever enough to achieve true empathy.

This last sentence is just as bad as saying the Eeyores don't work hard enough to be happy and choose to be miserable. Same blanket statement but the other way around! I have a resolutely happy demeanour, but I also try very hard to put myself in other people's shoes and really listen to what people tell me. This is not to say I'm perfect, but just because I'm happy doesn't mean I can't feel other people's sadness and help the best I can!

[Anonymous]

People are not literary/cartoon characters. Just your whole "premise" of calling your daughter "Eeyore" invalidates her feelings and reduces her to a one-note stereotype. See her, and great her, as a person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop trying to make her see the bright side. Each time you do that, you're dismissing her feelings. My mother is like this, and then complains I don't talk to her. Well, I've been going through a VERY harsh time for almost two years, and her peppy comments just make me feel worse, and more alone, rather than better. I once said to her, "Just once, can't you just say 'Yeah, that must really, really suck!' so I know you're hearing me?" And she can't. So I don't talk to her.

+1

I've been through some very dark periods in my life (like high school), and in my experience, the unabashed "Tiggers" really were incapable of seeing/understanding that sometimes a person might know there is a "bright side", but be unable to reach it at the time. There is NOTHING more irritating than a person who prattles and bubbles happily at you when you are going through a difficult time, urging you to "look on the bright side" or changing the subject back to rainbows and sunshine, and there are few things as isolating as being confronted by someone else's determinedly bright, brittle, everlasting burble of joy in response to a situation in which you really just want empathy and an acknowledgement that while the situation is bad, the other person understands and is there for you, and loves you.

I cannot abide the Tiggers in life, but I try to remind myself that they are this way because they haven't ever experienced real darkness, or because they aren't clever enough to achieve true empathy.

This last sentence is just as bad as saying the Eeyores don't work hard enough to be happy and choose to be miserable. Same blanket statement but the other way around! I have a resolutely happy demeanour, but I also try very hard to put myself in other people's shoes and really listen to what people tell me. This is not to say I'm perfect, but just because I'm happy doesn't mean I can't feel other people's sadness and help the best I can!

You are clueless. Sad/depressed people don't want or need to be fixed/help. Sadness is part of the human condition. Listen if they want to talk. But also be willing to just give them some space!

Cheerleading someone when they are sad is as obnoxious as raining on someone's parade when they are happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are not literary/cartoon characters. Just your whole "premise" of calling your daughter "Eeyore" invalidates her feelings and reduces her to a one-note stereotype. See her, and great her, as a person.

OP here, more to do with having just seen last lecture speech about the analogy. Just trying to be there did her and the metaphor fell into place today while ruminating on how to be more available to her. I do not literally view her as a cartoon character and do not read Winnie the Pooh.

[Anonymous]

Be there for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop trying to make her see the bright side. Each time you do that, you're dismissing her feelings. My mother is like this, and then complains I don't talk to her. Well, I've been going through a VERY harsh time for almost two years, and her peppy comments just make me feel worse, and more alone, rather than better. I once said to her, "Just once, can't you just say 'Yeah, that must really, really suck!' so I know you're hearing me?" And she can't. So I don't talk to her.

+1

I've been through some very dark periods in my life (like high school), and in my experience, the unabashed "Tiggers" really were incapable of seeing/understanding that sometimes a person might know there is a "bright side", but be unable to reach it at the time. There is NOTHING more irritating than a person who prattles and bubbles happily at you when you are going through a difficult time, urging you to "look on the bright side" or changing the subject back to rainbows and sunshine, and there are few things as isolating as being confronted by someone else's determinedly bright, brittle, everlasting burble of joy in response to a situation in which you really just want empathy and an acknowledgement that while the situation is bad, the other person understands and is there for you, and loves you.

I cannot abide the Tiggers in life, but I try to remind myself that they are this way because they haven't ever experienced real darkness, or because they aren't clever enough to achieve true empathy.

This last sentence is just as bad as saying the Eeyores don't work hard enough to be happy and choose to be miserable. Same blanket statement but the other way around! I have a resolutely happy demeanour, but I also try very hard to put myself in other people's shoes and really listen to what people tell me. This is not to say I'm perfect, but just because I'm happy doesn't mean I can't feel other people's sadness and help the best I can!

You are clueless. Sad/depressed people don't want or need to be fixed/help. Sadness is part of the human condition. Listen if they want to talk. But also be willing to just give them some space!

Cheerleading someone when they are sad is as obnoxious as raining on someone's parade when they are happy.

Help can take many forms, including listening and being empathetic. Stop projecting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are not literary/cartoon characters. Just your whole "premise" of calling your daughter "Eeyore" invalidates her feelings and reduces her to a one-note stereotype. See her, and great her, as a person.

OP here, more to do with having just seen last lecture speech about the analogy. Just trying to be there did her and the metaphor fell into place today while ruminating on how to be more available to her. I do not literally view her as a cartoon character and do not read Winnie the Pooh.

The point is, she's not a personality type or personality puzzle. She's an individual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop trying to make her see the bright side. It just makes her think that you think her entire point of view is wrong. Try not to let her make you down. I've been considered a pessimist - I think realist - and I believe that low expectations have led to more satisfaction in my life.

Thank you for the insight.

The evidence is that the pessimists have a better grip on reality, although the dour approach does have some downsides. I'm glad you see that the solution is not to have her be more like you. You can learn from tigger's friends, who were always very loving and accepting toward eyeore, and remember that many of us find tigger insufferable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
The point is, she's not a personality type or personality puzzle. She's an individual.

New poster here. Of course she is, and of course her mother realizes that. OP has chosen not to write a 100-page screed (thank you!) about all the nuances of her relationship with her daughter. She's given us a glimpse of their dynamic, and wondering if others have experienced the same thing.

I'm the mother of another Eeyore daughter, and I appreciate people's insight into the relationship. I do find myself trying to instill more of a sense of optimism in my child, because I always think of that as a good thing. But I'm sure, as others have said, that much of the time my daughter just needs to know I hear her concerns...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop trying to make her see the bright side. It just makes her think that you think her entire point of view is wrong. Try not to let her make you down. I've been considered a pessimist - I think realist - and I believe that low expectations have led to more satisfaction in my life.

Thank you for the insight.

The evidence is that the pessimists have a better grip on reality, although the dour approach does have some downsides. I'm glad you see that the solution is not to have her be more like you. You can learn from tigger's friends, who were always very loving and accepting toward eyeore, and remember that many of us find tigger insufferable.

Jeez, STOP. This is not the Hundred Acre Wood! Uggghhhh you are so annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop trying to make her see the bright side. It just makes her think that you think her entire point of view is wrong. Try not to let her make you down. I've been considered a pessimist - I think realist - and I believe that low expectations have led to more satisfaction in my life.

Thank you for the insight.

The evidence is that the pessimists have a better grip on reality, although the dour approach does have some downsides. I'm glad you see that the solution is not to have her be more like you. You can learn from tigger's friends, who were always very loving and accepting toward eyeore, and remember that many of us find tigger insufferable.

Jeez, STOP. This is not the Hundred Acre Wood! Uggghhhh you are so annoying.

Which is probably exactly how OP's daughter feels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop trying to make her see the bright side. It just makes her think that you think her entire point of view is wrong. Try not to let her make you down. I've been considered a pessimist - I think realist - and I believe that low expectations have led to more satisfaction in my life.

Thank you for the insight.

The evidence is that the pessimists have a better grip on reality, although the dour approach does have some downsides. I'm glad you see that the solution is not to have her be more like you. You can learn from tigger's friends, who were always very loving and accepting toward eyeore, and remember that many of us find tigger insufferable.

For Eeyore, maybe.

But They don't always love and accept each other. Remember how Rabbit actively tries to get Tigger lost in the woods AND stuck up a tree? It's because Tigger is damn annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I've been through some very dark periods in my life (like high school), and in my experience, the unabashed "Tiggers" really were incapable of seeing/understanding that sometimes a person might know there is a "bright side", but be unable to reach it at the time. There is NOTHING more irritating than a person who prattles and bubbles happily at you when you are going through a difficult time, urging you to "look on the bright side" or changing the subject back to rainbows and sunshine, and there are few things as isolating as being confronted by someone else's determinedly bright, brittle, everlasting burble of joy in response to a situation in which you really just want empathy and an acknowledgement that while the situation is bad, the other person understands and is there for you, and loves you.

I cannot abide the Tiggers in life, but I try to remind myself that they are this way because they haven't ever experienced real darkness, or because they aren't clever enough to achieve true empathy.

I was with you PP until you decided to apply a blanket personality bash to the Tiggers. Many if the most optimistic people I know have had the most horrific starts in life yet remain upbeat and are incredibly empathetic. Sounds like you could use a little self-work on walking in another's shoes yourself.

Your personal experience has been quite different from my personal experience.

Yes, but you didn't qualify your statement as personal experience. You applied it to all Tiggers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop trying to make her see the bright side. It just makes her think that you think her entire point of view is wrong. Try not to let her make you down. I've been considered a pessimist - I think realist - and I believe that low expectations have led to more satisfaction in my life.

Thank you for the insight.

The evidence is that the pessimists have a better grip on reality, although the dour approach does have some downsides. I'm glad you see that the solution is not to have her be more like you. You can learn from tigger's friends, who were always very loving and accepting toward eyeore, and remember that many of us find tigger insufferable.

For Eeyore, maybe.

But They don't always love and accept each other. Remember how Rabbit actively tries to get Tigger lost in the woods AND stuck up a tree? It's because Tigger is damn annoying.

+1 LOLLLLLLLLLLLLL

[Anonymous]

I am a big fan of Winnie the Pooh (the AA Milne version, not the Disney one) and am really enjoying the way people are getting into this.

And even though I am an Eeyore, I wish the people who are ranting about not reducing anyone to a type would lighten up. We all get that our kids are individuals. That doesn't mean we don't skew to certain responses, and it's just as annoying to have someone not notice that you have certain preferences as it is to have someone assume that's all you're ever going to want.