Please help me with my mom's funeral (catholic)
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Anonymous
Hugs and prayers to you, too. |
Anonymous
I don't think I understand what you mean by a vigil. A wake/viewing? Will it be in a funeral home or in church before the funeral. I assume the funeral will be a Mass. In that case the priest or a parish secretary will walk you through the whole thing. They can provide musicians and selections for songs and readings for you to choose. As for the wake, the funeral home or church will help with that too. They will ask you what you envision for the celebration of life (which is often used now) and help you make it happen. I have seen lots of photo boards at wakes recently and often a notice asking people to wear a special color or something that is meaningful and would bring a spirit to the event. I have not heard music at a wake, just the funeral Mass. A rosary or simple prayer service at the wake is common regardless of where it is held. The priest will lead and often lay people will share prepared memories if desired. Do not worry about the details and allow others to help you. The church is well-versed in these and knows how to help make it what you would like. |
Anonymous
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All suggestions above are good.
The priest can provide guidance. If you don't have readings/songs in mind, there are lists of selections appropriate for funerals. You can just pick one or two. Here's one list: http://fathergilles.net/GoodNews/Funeral_Rdgs_Ord_Time_Ref.pdf |
Anonymous
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[quote=Anonymous]My father just passed away and we are getting ready to do all of this. My mom wants "Prayer of St Francis" and "Let There Be Peace on Earth". I would like "On Eagle's Wings". I really like "Here I Am, Lord", "Be Not Afraid", and "Be With Me, Lord" but I am worried I won't be able to keep it together.
To OP - the Catholic Church has taken a strong position on what kind of music is appropriate for a funeral (no more "Danny Boy"). The ones you list may be OK with the exception of "let there be peace on earth". You need to clear all songs with clergy in advance. Also the focus of the Mass is supposed to be the Mass so tributes or personal stories about the deceased are usually discouraged. The local priest or women's guild will be able to walk you through acceptable musical selections. |
Anonymous
If you look, I'm a OP of a thread of a Catholic funeral that went wildly wrong. (My aunt's funeral--this was last week). Then there was a s/o about how to have a nicer one, where I posted something like this: Do the burial right away, and have the MEMORIAL 1-2 months afterwards. Then you won't be dealing with the body, and coffins or urns, and also lots of the financial/estate aspects will be dealt with, or at least you'll have a game plan. Most importantly, people will be able to speak about the deceased without breaking into sobs. Finally, this allows time for making plane tickets and planning, and that means that the *right* sort of people show up--more of those that were close to the deceased, or to you--rather than just people who live nearby. |
Anonymous
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Thank you everyone for all the suggestions. It is going to be a very small service. I have posted about my mom before (narrcisist) and she has isolated my dad from everyone but our immediate family. I am trying to be positive and let go of a lot of hurt feelings/incidents of the past and celebrate the life she gave me and the way she dedicated herself to my sister/brother and I when we were young. My questions re mostly about the viewing the night before. It sounds like the priest/mortuary will be able to help me plan that part. I wasnt sure if it was just a simple rosary/prayer service or more elaborate but it sounds like it can be whatever we want it to be.
To the pp whose father passed away, I am so very sorry. Sending prayers for you and your family. |
Anonymous
If it is going to be very small, you can certainly keep the viewing short in time or even not have one at all. Sometimes its more upsetting to be alone there. Have a beautiful Mass and then a nice luncheon or something where you can all casually share memories and help your dad think positively and celebrate her life in a way positive for him. |
Anonymous
To OP - the Catholic Church has taken a strong position on what kind of music is appropriate for a funeral (no more "Danny Boy"). The ones you list may be OK with the exception of "let there be peace on earth". You need to clear all songs with clergy in advance. Also the focus of the Mass is supposed to be the Mass so tributes or personal stories about the deceased are usually discouraged. The local priest or women's guild will be able to walk you through acceptable musical selections. PP, this is not true at all. I grew up Catholic and we sang these all the time and not just at funerals. I am now a lapsed Catholic but my extended family still attend church and these songs are still sung. (My uncle died a couple of years ago and Danny Boy was the recessional "hymn.") A funeral Mass for an individual is definitely about the individual. Yes, some times the priest eulogizes if they know the deceased, but there are definitely friends and families who speak at a funeral mass in a Catholic church. Certain churches may follow stricter rules about the kind of music played, but these are self-imposed by the pastor--not established church doctrine. Please try to be helpful to people in crisis/grieving. |
Anonymous
I love all the songs you chose: From Gather (the hymnal of the Catholic Church) http://www.giamusic.com/products/GatherComp_List2.cfm 729 Prayer of Peace (Song of St. Francis) 731 Let There Be Peace on Earth 611 On Eagle's Wings 686 Here I Am, Lord 608 Be Not Afraid 85 Psalm 91 - Be with Me These are all pretty classic standards, but if you have difficulty finding any sheet music: http://www.hymnary.org For OP, this may also help you choose music for your mom and understand the format of the mass: http://www.saintmarychurchfwb.org/music-for-catholic-funerals http://www.stjudefw.org/liturgy/funerals.html http://www.stanthonycatholic.org/catholic-songbook.htm http://www.olmctempe.com/funeral-songs.php |
Anonymous
PP, this is not true at all. I grew up Catholic and we sang these all the time and not just at funerals. I am now a lapsed Catholic but my extended family still attend church and these songs are still sung. (My uncle died a couple of years ago and Danny Boy was the recessional "hymn.") A funeral Mass for an individual is definitely about the individual. Yes, some times the priest eulogizes if they know the deceased, but there are definitely friends and families who speak at a funeral mass in a Catholic church. Certain churches may follow stricter rules about the kind of music played, but these are self-imposed by the pastor--not established church doctrine. Please try to be helpful to people in crisis/grieving. It's helpful to let people know what they might experience from entrenched Catholic priests so they can gird their loins. The parish priests who did my parents funerals were awful. Luckily I knew that in advance and didn't let their gross insensitivity wear me down. In once case, the priest told me I could do only do a eulogy if I kept it short because this was their busy time of year. In another case, the priest asked if there were out-of-towners, then spent about 10 minutes telling them about all the improvements that had been made to the church. I'm glad I was prepared for such insensitivity. |
Anonymous
| 23:27, I'm sorry you had a bad experience, but you can offer advice that is less about you and more about helping those currently in need of compassion and kind words. You can give a heads up about possibly encountering difficult or insensitive priests without trashing someone's musical selections that are all Catholic Standards and not secular songs. |