Petty complaint about a friend and her family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you a whiner? Do you complain a lot? Are you boring? Do you have any other character trait that would require another person to act as a buffer?

I do this to one of my friends. I would never tell her this but, the truth is she is really boring.

She's very nice and I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings. I would feel really guilty if I kept turning down her invitations. So I bring a second person for back up to keep the conversation going so I am not the only one talking all the time. To inject lighthearted conversation when she drifts too far down the road discussing how to save the poor little starving children in China or wherever. She also likes to talk about her spiritual journey, spiritual retreats and her spiritual energy and whatnot. I can do the whole metaphysical thing for an hour or two but not all evening.

At times, I have to focus on very serious things at work which might explain my aversion to doing it during my time off. Or maybe I'm just not a good friend. I don't know. I try to be. I honestly don't know how else to keep the friendship going and I know she doesn't have a ton of friends in this area, she's single and no kids so I think it's important to include her whenever I can.

Ugh, I feel bad for your friend .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you a whiner? Do you complain a lot? Are you boring? Do you have any other character trait that would require another person to act as a buffer?

I do this to one of my friends. I would never tell her this but, the truth is she is really boring.

She's very nice and I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings. I would feel really guilty if I kept turning down her invitations. So I bring a second person for back up to keep the conversation going so I am not the only one talking all the time. To inject lighthearted conversation when she drifts too far down the road discussing how to save the poor little starving children in China or wherever. She also likes to talk about her spiritual journey, spiritual retreats and her spiritual energy and whatnot. I can do the whole metaphysical thing for an hour or two but not all evening.

At times, I have to focus on very serious things at work which might explain my aversion to doing it during my time off. Or maybe I'm just not a good friend. I don't know. I try to be. I honestly don't know how else to keep the friendship going and I know she doesn't have a ton of friends in this area, she's single and no kids so I think it's important to include her whenever I can.

You're not a friend and I hope one day she will see through your fakeness and drop your ass. This is yet another reason why women don't get along with other women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you a whiner? Do you complain a lot? Are you boring? Do you have any other character trait that would require another person to act as a buffer?

I do this to one of my friends. I would never tell her this but, the truth is she is really boring.

She's very nice and I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings. I would feel really guilty if I kept turning down her invitations. So I bring a second person for back up to keep the conversation going so I am not the only one talking all the time. To inject lighthearted conversation when she drifts too far down the road discussing how to save the poor little starving children in China or wherever. She also likes to talk about her spiritual journey, spiritual retreats and her spiritual energy and whatnot. I can do the whole metaphysical thing for an hour or two but not all evening.

At times, I have to focus on very serious things at work which might explain my aversion to doing it during my time off. Or maybe I'm just not a good friend. I don't know. I try to be. I honestly don't know how else to keep the friendship going and I know she doesn't have a ton of friends in this area, she's single and no kids so I think it's important to include her whenever I can.

You're not a friend and I hope one day she will see through your fakeness and drop your ass. This is yet another reason why women don't get along with other women.

Serious question. Would it be best for me to tell her I can no longer be friends? If so, how should I go about doing that without hurting her? She's a 50+ woman with no other friends, no relationships, never married, parents deceased. She has difficulty maintaining relationships for various reasons.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend like this. She would do it anytime her sisters were around, and also with friends.

One time I showed up with champagne for a BYOB boozy brunch at a restaurant and she had invited this friend who also brough along her 3 year old daughter. I was nursing a hangover (I'm mid 20s) and trying to get some hair of the dog and this 3 year old is screaming her head off and getting stares from absolutely everyone in the restaurant (the only kid there, it is not a kid type of restaurant).

Anyway, I have limited my interactions with her. I'm sick to death of going somewhere and finding out she invited someone else, sometimes someone I dont particularly like/want to spend time with.

I really do think it shows a level of selfishness and lack of concern for others' feelings.

[Anonymous]

She sounds weird. That is so weird. Really really weird. Is she normal.otherwise?

[Anonymous]

I would just be clear (but nice) with her about it. We do this in our group of friends about significant others, because there's been times when some of us have had one and the other's haven't. We just say "I really need to vent about Larlo tonight, so can it just be a girls night?" Generally, unless the invitation is "Hey do you and Bob want to see a movie with us tonight?" those of us who are part of a couple ask "Is it a girls night or can Larlo/Bob come?"

You could do something similar "I have something kind of private I'd like to talk about, can it just be the two of us?" Say this before she even mentions bringing someone else - that way you are not rejecting the person specifically, just asking for time alone with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you a whiner? Do you complain a lot? Are you boring? Do you have any other character trait that would require another person to act as a buffer?

I do this to one of my friends. I would never tell her this but, the truth is she is really boring.

She's very nice and I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings. I would feel really guilty if I kept turning down her invitations. So I bring a second person for back up to keep the conversation going so I am not the only one talking all the time. To inject lighthearted conversation when she drifts too far down the road discussing how to save the poor little starving children in China or wherever. She also likes to talk about her spiritual journey, spiritual retreats and her spiritual energy and whatnot. I can do the whole metaphysical thing for an hour or two but not all evening.

At times, I have to focus on very serious things at work which might explain my aversion to doing it during my time off. Or maybe I'm just not a good friend. I don't know. I try to be. I honestly don't know how else to keep the friendship going and I know she doesn't have a ton of friends in this area, she's single and no kids so I think it's important to include her whenever I can.

You're not a friend and I hope one day she will see through your fakeness and drop your ass. This is yet another reason why women don't get along with other women.

Serious question. Would it be best for me to tell her I can no longer be friends? If so, how should I go about doing that without hurting her? She's a 50+ woman with no other friends, no relationships, never married, parents deceased. She has difficulty maintaining relationships for various reasons.

If her interests bore you and she has a difficult time meeting people why not find a spiritual group that she may have something in common with. Attend a couple of meetings with her to help her break the ice and then you can get "busy" for future while she still goes to them.

[Anonymous]

OP here. All the viewpoints are really interesting , thank you.

I don't think she is turned off by my personality and that is behind this. We are good friends, chat on the phone, have traveled together. We enjoy each other's company.

I think because we are so close she puts me on the same level as family, which is a very special thing. I am lucky to have such a close friend. Just need to get ahold of this minor thing. Thanks all.

[Anonymous]

And yes she is normal otherwise, actually quite an independent person, it is an interesting dynamic.