Finding it harder and harder to relate to a friend

[Anonymous]

OP, I'd stop hanging out with her. True friends aren't this critical and unsupportive.

I had similar situation with longtime friend. We were close prechildren, then had babies at same time and it all fell apart; if I cared about safety, I'd have DC in x brand car seat. We'd swap babysitting. She'd take care of mine and I'd get a long list of things friend was "concerned" about...
Then there were personal comments that were rude-what was my new hairstyle "about" and if I could work out as often as she did or do x like she did, I would look better/feel better.

That was ten years ago. I had to cut off contact. Toxic.

[Anonymous]

In life, sometimes things run their course. And it looks like your friendship w/Emma has lost its steam.

Not saying it is her fault or even yours. You just have gone in different directions in later life & have different lifestyles as well as beliefs.

If you do not want to cut her off immediately, you can try to limit contact w/her over time. Send her Christmas cards every year, but don't feel like you have to meet for lunch w/her every two weeks.

See how much better you feel w/out her in your life. If life is more bearable for you as well as less stressed, then that is a good indication that this friend no longer gives you any pleasure from her company.

And that may be the deciding factor here that it is time to cut ties.

[Anonymous]

Emma sounds annoying.if you do not enjoy time with her then I would drop her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have recently cut off a friendship with a former very close friend. As we have become moms, we have taken different paths. I felt very judged by her comments about my parenting decisions and recently just decided that I'm done. I haven't had to had the confrontation about it- I'm hoping that the friendship will just die out as im no longer investing.

This is the OP. Yes, I feel judged as well. Emma has brought up multiple times that she does not understand why I'm comfortable with my son having a male kindergarten teacher. She does not allow her kids to watch any TV and talks at length about it (my son is allowed to watch a limited amount of television). I breastfed my son for 8 months-she breastfed both of her kids for two plus years and loves to bring up the fact that they rarely get ill (my son unfortunately gets ear infections) and that her kids are ahead in terms of their milestones, how well adjusted they are, etc. My husband and I are "one and done"...Emma likes to talk about how children need siblings, that we really should consider having another child, etc.

I agree with the other posters that you can't expect friends to be perfect but I'm tired of feeling judged and put down. Honestly, I know I need to just "suck it up" and tell her frankly how I feel but I don't know how well that will go. We were roommates in college and our husbands are good friends-there's a lot of history there. I'm hoping that maybe once our kids are older things will be better.

OP you need to set some boundaries. You have let Emma talk on and on about her views that actually offend you. learn to change the subject and find another friend so you do not depend on this one so much. then her comments will not so meaningful to you and you can just change the subject and stick to your boundaries. No need to end the friendship -- you need to mend the friendship.

[Anonymous]

OP if this helps: Life is short. Spend time with people who love and respect you and let everyone else go.

She doesnt need to be perfect, but she is disrespecting you by not being interested in your views. That is not what friendship is.

I am a person with a few close friends. They are all people who have their quirks, but our bonds are strong and we support each other without question.

Friendship should be a refuge from judgement, not a source of it.

Let her go and feel totally at peace about it. Just distance yourself and let it fade out. If you HAVE to, because she starts asking questions, then you can tell her how you feel.

[Anonymous]

I would distance myself from her but not drop her completely.

I have a friend who is obsessed with her children's food. When our sons were first born, she made me feel bad with her organic homemade food. 5 years later, she is constantly stressing about her children's food ingredients, how thin they are (1-3 percentile weight and 10 percentile height) and table manners. My children are 50th percentile weight and 75th percentile height. They are good eaters and I do not stress about food. They eat what we eat.

My friend came over recently and was shocked at how many mac n cheese balls her son ate. I was thinking if she fed him more regular kid food, her son would not be 1% weight.

She has yelled at my younger child to finish his food before leaving the table to play. My son started hysterically crying. It is stressful enough watching her yell and discipline her children at EVERY meal. I don't need her stressing my kids out.

I have not hung out with her in a while. I like her as an adult friend but can't stand her food style. I will see her at the next birthday party and hopefully she is not such a PITA about food.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like this friendship is starting to run its course, and that's ok, these things happen. It sounds like you'd be happier if you started to distance yourself from her.

Just out of curiosity, does she have a lot of other "mom friends" or not? She honestly sounds unhappy from what you describe.

[Anonymous]

Seems like the friend is jealous of you or has some other issue, which ma ifests in her comments. If you want them to stop you need to flatter her and make her think she "won.". As in she's the best parent ever, her kids are perfect etc. You would have to check your ego but I promise this approach would be rather effective. Just compliment her when she makes these comments.

[Anonymous]

^pp. Next time she goes on about how staying home is harder than working nod your head in agreement and ask her what's the hardest part for her. Then tell her you're envious she can stay home and you think it's great she does so. See how by saying this you're ending the competition?

If she goes on and on about the food she feeds her child (insinuating it is better than what you feed yours) exclaim, "wow. You really do put so much effort into making Karla's lunch and using quality ingredients. That's so nice you do that for her."/ again, end of story.

[Anonymous]

OP, yes, I relate to you. I feel your predicament.

I don't know if there is a perfect solution.

I understand that you don't have time to make new friends right now, but is there ANY way you can find a way to connect with other people with whom you might have more in common? Can you take an online group class that meets once a week for an hour? Is there a book club you could give some time to? These might seem like silly suggestions but it sounds like you need to find some people who can share your life experiences right now.

If you find even just one person you decently click with, you might get less irritated by Emma, and then you won't have to make the hard decision to formally put an end to your relationship with Emma. She'll automatically just matter a bit less to you.

[Anonymous]

You're not going to change her OP so it would be best if you just distance yourself from her. Don't just cut off contact but over time stop calling and going out with her.

Maybe she'll realize one day or may not but you sound miserable OP. Some people are all about their kids once they have them and that's all they'll talk 24/7.

[Anonymous]

Op, you feel like you have less in common. You do.

BUT ~ about the "yada, yada, yada" from her, good grief you can drone on about next to nothing too.

Decide how much you enjoy her company - - once a month?, a couple times a year? Whatever. Decide and initiate what works for you.

[Anonymous]

To the OP

I would distance your self from her, your interactions do not appear to be enjoyable. Who knows she may feel the same...

FWIW I find her opinions about male aides/teachers to be rather wierd.




As a Mother whose children are now out of the house, I have read the comments about eating and food. Don't make issues with your kids around food. let them eat good food and don't force them to eat more than they want. Save your energy for the important battles

[Anonymous]

If your husband and hers are close friends, I wouldn't just end the friendship without talking to him about it.

That said, she sounds ridiculous, and I can see why you wouldn't want her in your life.

Does your husband think he can maintain his friendship with her husband without as many "couple activities"? Do they just, or can they just, start hanging out doing "guy things" without the 2 of you and/or the kids present? Can you tolerate her in a larger group? If so, I'd distance myself slowly but deliberately, maintain a FB friendship, but only get together once every month or two with spouses/kids/in a group setting.

[Anonymous]

I have a lovely friend whrih 3 little kids. She is so focused on her kids that it has become tedious to have a conversation with her. She blows every little trivial kid related thing up. I'm just hoping she grows out of not and finds a life outside of thr pta.