Learned my child tried to cheat through looking at his texts

[Anonymous]

I have zero tolerance for cheating in my house, so if this were my teen, he would be read the riot act, and his friends would be commended for not helping. I'm not talking about sharing notes or getting a heads-up about whatever you missed because you were absent or mentally out to lunch in class one day, I'm talking my about offering to pay for someone else to do the work.

That said, why so much stress about one assignment?

[Anonymous]

OP, you're not his friend. You are his parent.

[Anonymous]

It's the THIRD week of school. Why is this one assignment so important? Is this the right class for him? Should he be talking to the counselors and switching out?

If he's this stressed and contemplating cheating during the third week of school I think you've got a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's the THIRD week of school. Why is this one assignment so important? Is this the right class for him? Should he be talking to the counselors and switching out?

If he's this stressed and contemplating cheating during the third week of school I think you've got a problem.

This is what I was thinking. Is he a good student who can't handle failure? Is he a poor student trying to turn things around? One homework assignment isn't a big deal. Especially if he completed it, but did it wrong. I know my 11th grade teachers would have at least given credit for effort. I also know I was an overachiever wound way too tightly, dealing with undiagnosed depression and I would have flipped out if I realized at that hour I'd made such a big mistake.

The phone isn't the issue. If I did anything about the phone, I'd just require it go on charge overnight in a common area at a certain time every night to encourage him to sleep. I wouldn't come down on him with the wrath of god over the cheating either. I'd be finding out why he attempted it. If he's struggling, I'd let it e a wake up call and get him help. It seems to me that if you come down too hard, you'll only teach him to be sneakier. If you come at this with compassion and grace and try to help him, you might be able to get your message across without making things worse for him.

[Anonymous]

Big deal. He'll probably do well in life. Sounds like an opportunist and networker

[Anonymous]

Isn't the point of homework just to do it? Then the teacher goes over it in class. If a lot of kids get a question wrong, the teacher knows that that section needs a bit more work. The point is to work on the questions and think through the material.
I'd be concerned both about the attempt to cheat and also want to know why it was so important to him that the answer had to be right.

[Anonymous]

Your son is an entrepreneur. I predict a career in politics or business. Let it pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take the phone away and tell him he needs to earn back your trust. He should have no expectation of privacy on that phone: you paid for the phone, and pay the monthly charges/data plan, yes? That is YOUR phone.

Be the parent.

Effing right!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have access to my child's phone and learned through looking at his texts that he attempted to get a homework assignment from friends. He was having difficulty with the assignment and realized at 10pm the night before it was due that he had done it wrong. He is in 11th grade. He offered to pay friends for them to give him the work. Fortunately, no one agreed, but I am concerned that he would even consider cheating. I would prefer not having a fight over his privacy, but feel I must address this issue. Any suggestions?

Surprised his friends just wouldn't share their work with him. We all did this.

Talk about a non issue. This isn't cheating.

[Anonymous]

Wow. Kids usually cheat when they feel under enormous pressure. While the team approach to HW isn't a bad one, obviously that wasn't allowed in this instance. I think I can understand why he might cheat because of pressure but I cannot fathom why he would pay for it. That just brings his morals down to gutter level. I think you have bigger problems then you know. I think your son should be micromanaged for a while. Get him on track with school now before there is any real HW.

[Anonymous]

News Flash:

Most, as in 99%, of HS kids are routinely lying and cheating. But just keep acting like it's no big deal.

OP is right to be very concerned. This needs to be dealt with. Let your kid be mad that he got caught this time. So what. At least he knows you care, unlike most other parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow I guess I am the only one here who doesn't think sharing assignments is THE WORST.

When I was a kid in high school, I borrowed other people's notes on days I wasn't paying attention in class, and I'm sure I even copied occasional homework assignments or let friends copy mine. I was a dedicated student who took school very seriously, but if a good friend was having a rough time, I would help them out, as they would me. This will happen in real life, too -- something goes wrong at work and you ask your colleagues to help you or cover for you til you get your sh!t together.

If this were my kid I'd be a little worried, maybe, that he asked his friends for the answers instead of for help, and that none of his friends, seeing that he was in trouble at 10pm, offered to help talk him through it. I'd also be worried that he was offering to pay his friends for help instead of them helping just through friendship. What has high school turned into if kids aren't allowed to talk one another through assignments? But I wouldn't go off the deep end because he had a weak moment. I don't know what the school rules are, so maybe it's a bigger deal if schools are really strict now about helping one another.

But it's not crazy to panic and make a bad choice the night before a big project is due because you're stressed. This is a normal thing for your kid to be going through. You're not wrong to talk to him, but please do show some compassion. We put a lot of academic pressure on our kids now, it's a lot to deal with.

You're not.

I'd be way more worried about the reason why my child was in such stress about a freaking school assignment that he was ready to bribe people with money to have the solution to it.

That would give way, way more pause, even tho I'd make it clear that it's not ok to behave that way.

[Anonymous]

11th grade - he is old enough to figure out things out.

If he cheats and gets caught, too bad. That's his problem. He deals with the consequences.

If he cheats, doesn't learn the material, and then fails a test somewhere down the line, same situation as above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow I guess I am the only one here who doesn't think sharing assignments is THE WORST.

When I was a kid in high school, I borrowed other people's notes on days I wasn't paying attention in class, and I'm sure I even copied occasional homework assignments or let friends copy mine. I was a dedicated student who took school very seriously, but if a good friend was having a rough time, I would help them out, as they would me. This will happen in real life, too -- something goes wrong at work and you ask your colleagues to help you or cover for you til you get your sh!t together.

If this were my kid I'd be a little worried, maybe, that he asked his friends for the answers instead of for help, and that none of his friends, seeing that he was in trouble at 10pm, offered to help talk him through it. I'd also be worried that he was offering to pay his friends for help instead of them helping just through friendship. What has high school turned into if kids aren't allowed to talk one another through assignments? But I wouldn't go off the deep end because he had a weak moment. I don't know what the school rules are, so maybe it's a bigger deal if schools are really strict now about helping one another.

But it's not crazy to panic and make a bad choice the night before a big project is due because you're stressed. This is a normal thing for your kid to be going through. You're not wrong to talk to him, but please do show some compassion. We put a lot of academic pressure on our kids now, it's a lot to deal with.

I completely agree with this. In fact, if I were you, I'd be secretly happy he's being resourceful.

+1 give the kid a break. Same will happen in college with sharing notes etc.