How many yearly family visits!? Please help!

[Anonymous]

If you do not go to visit them, 4 times a year is not excessive for grandparents to visit- especially since the visits are less than a week long. I like the PP's suggestion, to have them time some of their visits when you are traveling. Then they can help your DW.

How much travel do you do and how much does your DW do?

[Anonymous]

Op the problem is your wife. The whole "they won't be around much longer" is manipulative. Anyone of us could die at any moment. You need to deal with your dw and you need to be more direct.

These posts show up like clockwork and it is always a. a spouse problem or b. couples who will not act like adults and speak up clearly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I found my ILs' visits a lot less annoying and a lot more helpful once our first was a little older and then we had a second kid.

I echo suggestions both to
a) push visits off from all of them a little longer so they are a bit more spaced out, because you do want time as a nuclear family after all
b) lower expectations of how clean the house will be, etc, when they come and
c) enlist them for help when they are there. Whoever's parents it isn't should get a hair cut or do some of there kind of errand/activity that is easier to do alone when their ILs are there. Also you and DW should go out on a date!

I agree with this, but also, tell them that some of your other plans will go on when they come to town. I'm not sure how old your DS is, but for example we have two kids and lots of birthday parties and events on the weekends. We will not miss a good friend's party because family is in town. That family member can hang out at the house or find something to do. Same with more rare social plans. I will not schedule a play date with them in town, but if we are invited to an event (for example, a summer bbq at someone's house with other families) we will not say no because family is in town. We make sure we have some time set aside just for them, but otherwise we live our lives. I agree that it is very disruptive to essentially stop your (and your child's) social life once a month for 5 days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op the problem is your wife. The whole "they won't be around much longer" is manipulative. Anyone of us could die at any moment. You need to deal with your dw and you need to be more direct.

These posts show up like clockwork and it is always a. a spouse problem or b. couples who will not act like adults and speak up clearly.

But it kind of sounds like DW is speaking up clearly. She clearly doesn't mind the amount of visits from the 3 sets of grandparents because she feels like they have limited time as grandkids to enjoy them. Is that truly manipulative if that's also the truth and the way she feels?