Please tell the green eyed monster to back off

[Anonymous]

This is why friends should NEVER talk about salary.

[Anonymous]

If you're in the same field doing the same thing and working the same hours, this will not apply to you. But otherwise, this may have bearing:

It's a lot easier to make $35K more when you're single. I made nearly $30K more before I had my daughter and had to change my career path. I miss the extra money, but I don't miss:

(1) 12-14 hour workdays where you buy your crappy takeout dinner at the same time as you buy your crappy takeout lunch so you don't have to leave the office a second time for food
(2) business travel - 1-day trips to Detroit, overnights to NJ, flying all the time, staying in hotels, having to entertain colleagues after work and waking up at 4:00 sometimes to fit in a workout before driving to the airport for a 15-hour day w/ 2 flights, the second of which i just barely caught because a coworker has a much more relaxed "leave extra time for the drive to the airport" policy than I do
(3) bringing work home nearly every day and weekend
(4) being available 24/7 on blackberry, usually on the really nice days i wanted to be outside
(5) having to be "on" ALL THE TIME, rather than a little zombie-fied some days because the baby didn't sleep.
(6) leaving a job and getting a cash payout for 15 vacation days, and still having 11 of your 12 sick days on the table because your company discourages sickness and you don't have the time for a vacation
(7) having to wear a suit and heels and pantyhose every day, with "baby spitup on shoulder" not an accessory option.
(8) my father always calling me at the office instead of home, at 9 pm or later, because he knew I'd be there.

she may not mention it because she doesn't want to complain or she doesn't really notice, but she may be putting in a lot more hours than you are because she doesn't have things she's rushing home to do, like feed and bathe her kids and spend time with her spouse. it's also a fair guess that there are parts of your life she envies and would trade some of that salary to have.

Also, single people pay a lot more in taxes than do people with dependents. My taxes were amazing this year. I paid a fortune a couple years ago when I had my highest income and no kid.

Money's not everything. If you're getting underpaid, I understand why you're upset. But remember, there's generally a price you pay for that extra money - employers don't give you a higher salary to be nice - they expect something for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
I'm not jealous of her material possessions (she doesn't have many) or lifestyle. Just the numeric difference that makes me nuts, and the fact that I'm in a crappy apartment and can't afford a house. We do sort of similiar work for the government and are the same grade, but our agencies are on vastly different pay scales. I'm also a manager and she's not. She's also 15 years older, and totally deserves it and is sweet and is not inflating it or trying to make me jealous. We're both open and matter of fact with each other.
It's just irrational.

I don't think it's irrational. I think it's normal. I think you are right to recognize it in yourself and try to rise above it. Hang in there, OP! You sound like a good person to me.

[Anonymous]

If you want to ward off the feelings of envy and feel better overall, count your blessings -- literally! Psychologicial studies show that one way to boost happiness is to keep a Gratitude Journal or otherwise spend some time each day listing off the various things in your life for which you feel grateful. It's a great thing to do on your own before you go to sleep each night or even to practice as a bedtime ritual with your children.

Here's a link (there are many more if you Google "Gratitude Journal" and "Happiness"):

http://www.serenejourney.com/2009/03/gratitude-journal-30-days-to-happiness/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're in the same field doing the same thing and working the same hours, this will not apply to you. But otherwise, this may have bearing:

It's a lot easier to make $35K more when you're single. I made nearly $30K more before I had my daughter and had to change my career path. I miss the extra money, but I don't miss:

(1) 12-14 hour workdays where you buy your crappy takeout dinner at the same time as you buy your crappy takeout lunch so you don't have to leave the office a second time for food
(2) business travel - 1-day trips to Detroit, overnights to NJ, flying all the time, staying in hotels, having to entertain colleagues after work and waking up at 4:00 sometimes to fit in a workout before driving to the airport for a 15-hour day w/ 2 flights, the second of which i just barely caught because a coworker has a much more relaxed "leave extra time for the drive to the airport" policy than I do
(3) bringing work home nearly every day and weekend
(4) being available 24/7 on blackberry, usually on the really nice days i wanted to be outside
(5) having to be "on" ALL THE TIME, rather than a little zombie-fied some days because the baby didn't sleep.
(6) leaving a job and getting a cash payout for 15 vacation days, and still having 11 of your 12 sick days on the table because your company discourages sickness and you don't have the time for a vacation
(7) having to wear a suit and heels and pantyhose every day, with "baby spitup on shoulder" not an accessory option.
(8) my father always calling me at the office instead of home, at 9 pm or later, because he knew I'd be there.

she may not mention it because she doesn't want to complain or she doesn't really notice, but she may be putting in a lot more hours than you are because she doesn't have things she's rushing home to do, like feed and bathe her kids and spend time with her spouse. it's also a fair guess that there are parts of your life she envies and would trade some of that salary to have.

Also, single people pay a lot more in taxes than do people with dependents. My taxes were amazing this year. I paid a fortune a couple years ago when I had my highest income and no kid.

Money's not everything. If you're getting underpaid, I understand why you're upset. But remember, there's generally a price you pay for that extra money - employers don't give you a higher salary to be nice - they expect something for it.

I second this. When I had no children, I got bonuses and raises all the time due to my work. I also had no life OUTSIDE of work. And trust me, the extra money was not worth it.

Now if you think your friend has a job that you could do in the same amount of hours you do currently, maybe you should try to swtich agencies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just came back from dinner with a friend. Found out she's making $35K more than me. She's single and I'm supporting three people. I just spent an hour looking at ads for better paying jobs even though I LOVE my job.

Please tell me to stop.

Is she hot ?

[Anonymous]

Seriously. Certain things friends should not discuss. Why would you? Besides, this area has enough green eyed monsters. It's contagious.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

She works exactly 40 hours. I work about 42-45 hours/week plus god knows how much blackberry time. We get a long great and talk about things openly. Not sure than I'm exactly jealous of her, more like I just wish I made more money and am trapped in the government pay grades/steps. I like her and think she deserves it.

I don't think people outside the government realize just how hard we work, at the same level of professionalism, for so much less money than the private sector (or non-standard gs pay grade agencies). It's a wonderful job, just a shame that's it's barely supporting us in this metro area.

[Anonymous]

I think it's a myth that private sector salaries are so much higher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's a myth that private sector salaries are so much higher.

Nope, not a myth. I work private sector and DH works federal govt. He makes 6 figs BUT I know at a similar level in private sector (VP) he'd be making double what he makes now. I know because 1) his friends leave to go the the pvt sector and they tell him it's 2-3x what they earn previously and 2) I know what VPs make at my company and it's 2x more.

And the perks are SO much nicer.

[Anonymous]

OP, is it safe to assume that when your friend is 15 years older, she has that much more experience to warrant the extra 35K? I'd be burning up if she had less experience or equal experience and education and earning that much more

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's a myth that private sector salaries are so much higher.

Nope, not a myth. I work private sector and DH works federal govt. He makes 6 figs BUT I know at a similar level in private sector (VP) he'd be making double what he makes now. I know because 1) his friends leave to go the the pvt sector and they tell him it's 2-3x what they earn previously and 2) I know what VPs make at my company and it's 2x more.

And the perks are SO much nicer.

And in the private sector, you could lose your job in the blink of an eye.

I am finding myself in that situation right now. I was in the private sector and lost my job a few months ago. Similar jobs (not only in the government, but even in other private companies) pay significantly less. So not only am I looking at a substantial decrease once I do find a job (which is proving to be so hard right now), some places are "intimidated" by what I used to make. I tell them, honestly, that I would be ok with the lower salary, but I don't think that comes across very well.

[Anonymous]

I work in the nonprofit sector and have also had frustrations about what seem like unfair differences in pay. I think in both government and nonprofits- pay differences may be somewhat less rational than in the private sector, since you are not actually bringing in money for a company.