Telling family about breast cancer diagnosis

[Anonymous]

Well, just remember that these family members aren't your enemies. Cancer is the enemy. If you think that you will need your family's support to get through this, you will have to understand that you can not control their reactions to this bad news. You can only control what and how much you share with them.

If you are very early stage you likely won't need extensive treatment and you have the option of keeping all of this to yourself and not burdening them with any of this news. But if you think that you will need help getting through this - start rallying their support now. Share the details that you feel comfortable sharing and tell them how they can help.

[Anonymous]

No advice here OP.
I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your diagnosis. I hooe you have an excellent treatment plan and recovery.

[Anonymous]

If the stage is early I would tell them that you just have a lump and have to have quick surgery. On early stages breast cancer highly treatable and you will be like new in a few months.
Source: daughter of cancer survivor who had different cancer 3 times.

[Anonymous]

PP again
And best of luck!! You will beat that fucker

[Anonymous]

Just want to send my best wishes to you, OP. I too hope that you have an early stage and hope that you are able to post back here for support. My mom had breast cancer over 30 years ago and my grandma was just like your mom -- everything was always about her and my mom was always frustrated by my grandma. I do have to tell you though that my grandma rose to the occasion and was so there for my mom throughout everything. It completely changed their relationship and how everyone perceived my grandma. I hope your mom too will understand that this is about you, not her. If she does make it all about her, then I agree with the pp's that you need to be selfish and focus on yourself. It sounds like you have a great dh so he can run interference with his relatives and with your family, if necessary. Do not worry about your SIL replacing you. My unmarried SIL who lives with my inlaws does the same thing with my kids and it annoys the heck out of me too so I completely understand. You have so much going on right now that I am so sorry that you have these family dynamics to worry about when they should be caring about you. I will be thinking about you.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry OP

Just remember, especially in dealing with your ILs -- this is about YOU not about THEM. How they feel/ react/ interact etc is really not important, especially with your relationship history with them.

Can you let your DH handle them and just ignore them?

[Anonymous]

First of all, I am so sorry that you are going through this. I hope that it was caught early and that you will be on the road to recovery soon. As far as telling people, please be careful if you choose to tell some people and not tell others. I have heard about three or four different health scares/problems involving my parents thirdhand from the same cousin. Not that it was about me, but it was hurtful to find out that all of the other relatives knew about this before I did (I mean I am their daughter for heaven's sake!), and it was a terrible way to find out that kind of news.

If I were in your situation, I would just be upfront with everyone close to you right away. I don't believe in trying to protect people from information they are going to find out anyway. But, this is your situation and your choice OP. Best wishes for your recovery.

[Anonymous]

A resource that might be helpful for you (or DH) to share with family, hopefully to keep them off your back:
http://articles.latimes.com/2013/apr/07/opinion/la-oe-0407-silk-ring-theory-20130407

[Anonymous]

I found out I had cervical cancer 3 days before my father found out he had colon cancer. I didn't want anyone discussing how "sad" it was that we had it at the same time. He died 6 months later and I didn't tell the majority of my family until 2 years later - after 3 surgeries and 6 months of chemotherapy. I had a small support network and was able to focus on myself, rather than reading about myself on the internet or getting concerned phone calls. I don't know that this would work for anyone else, but just remember you are not required to divulge anything to anyone you don't want to. Your husband knows. Your friend knows. Depending on what the results say, this may not be something that requires the entire family participating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I found out I had cervical cancer 3 days before my father found out he had colon cancer. I didn't want anyone discussing how "sad" it was that we had it at the same time. He died 6 months later and I didn't tell the majority of my family until 2 years later - after 3 surgeries and 6 months of chemotherapy. I had a small support network and was able to focus on myself, rather than reading about myself on the internet or getting concerned phone calls. I don't know that this would work for anyone else, but just remember you are not required to divulge anything to anyone you don't want to. Your husband knows. Your friend knows. Depending on what the results say, this may not be something that requires the entire family participating.

This. You do whatever you need to do. If telling other people and having their support gives you strength - tell. If telling them will be draining for you and you are not obviously sick and don't need others to cook for you and drive you to/from appts - maybe your husband is the only one who needs to know right now.