What to tell mil that wants to be my nanny

[Anonymous]

1. "I value our relationship so much that I would hate to do anything to rock this boat. Hiring you as our employee would change the dynamic in a way that doesn't seem like a good direction."

2. "We want DD to be in a classroom setting. But we'd love to have you babysit every Friday afternoon; does that work for you?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her thanks, and sign DD up for a good part-time preschool. Your MIL can take care of her for the rest of the day.

If you want to lose control, let your MIL take care of your child. Don't do tjis, please

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Tell her thanks, and sign DD up for a good part-time preschool. Your MIL can take care of her for the rest of the day.

If you want to lose control, let your MIL take care of your child. Don't do tjis, please

I don't think having your MIL take care of your child is "losing control." If you think she would be good for your child, PPs had good suggestions of having a mix of part-time preschool and grandma time. Similar to the people who do nanny+part-time preschool for kids that age, but with the added benefit of a family member. OP, I would love to have the opportunity you have, but obviously, only you know what works for your family.

[Anonymous]

At age 2.5, you have a really good argument that DD should be in a more social situation. This is a time when most kids start going to preschool at least part-time, if not a FT daycare or preschool. I'm a SAHM and love my just-turned-3-year-old, but I'm sooooooo ready for his part-time preschool to start up again this fall! It's so obvious that he needs social time and structure separate from what I can give him one-on-one at home now.

Simply make it clear that you feel she needs a situation with more socialization with other kids and a set structure to help her prepare for school. There's actually research that has found that two years of preschool are usually better for kids than just one, so you could even mention that.

It's not like you're saying you don't want her to be the nanny and getting another nanny instead. This is a really different situation. If you want her to, you could get your kid in a part-time program and have MIL pick the kid up and spend afternoons together, but this is entirely your choice. Either way is fine, and you have a very reasonable argument.

[Anonymous]

Unless your child is very social, I wouldn't recommend a daycare at this age.

One on one individual care is in his best interest. He has his whole life to socialize...Yet only a small window of time to be pampered and spoiled. Personal attention is a huge plus.

[Anonymous]

Even having MIL pick her up every day is a big commitment--it sounds like OP needs real daycare, and the issues won't go away in the 2-3 hour a day scenario.

[Anonymous]

OP, you could either put her in a full day "great preschool" and explain to MIL that you would have loved to have her watch DD but that you really feel like she needs the structure and socialization of this preschool program.

Or, you could do part time preschool and have MIL pick her up either every day or maybe just a couple days per week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interested in the This is What Works for our Family responders. Would you ask for help with sick days, snow days etc?

No, but even if someone would, what does it matter? Oh, right, you are one of those doormats who thinks everyone who makes demands has an entitlement.

[Anonymous]

Just say no. I cannot believe all the passive, indirect people on this site, although I suppose I must expect it with women. No is a complete sentence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless your child is very social, I wouldn't recommend a daycare at this age.

One on one individual care is in his best interest. He has his whole life to socialize...Yet only a small window of time to be pampered and spoiled. Personal attention is a huge plus.

Thanks, MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just say no. I cannot believe all the passive, indirect people on this site, although I suppose I must expect it with women. No is a complete sentence.

Yes, OP could say No. Or she could have her MIL, the child's grandmother watch the grandchild during the day, while she's home from preschool. I have friends who have used a similar arrangement, and everyone was happy. OP can hire a nanny or pay for daycare, but she doesn't have to. That's what we're all saying, not some kind of wimpy people pleasing inability to say No.

[Anonymous]

Given that he's 2.5 I would have her watch him for another year and then start him in morning preschool. Unless you can find some kind of preschool that allows 2.5 year olds. Then you could start now. But most start at 3yo.

No need for daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interested in the This is What Works for our Family responders. Would you ask for help with sick days, snow days etc?

This. Don't come crying on DCUM when your MIL does not help you. Worse should yourself have an emergency... or catastrophic illness. You can check yourself into a hospice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

she got upset

Don't live your life afraid people will get upset.

+1.

I got upset reading OP's post.

[Anonymous]

My MIL offered this but quickly backed down when I pointed out she would have to come every day 5 days a week for 8-10 hours - no travelling, no spending every other month at her vacation home. I think she was just saying it because she liked the idea but had not thought it through in the slightest.