If you have children by your ex, do you take an interest in his or her health and wellbeing

[Anonymous]

My ex is mentally ill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do care, mostly for the sake of our kids. They are 18 and 24 now so the day-to-day illnesses aren't really a problem.

However, I helped in a big way when my ex had a heart attack and bypass surgery. He hasn't remarried and his family lives far away, so technically DD is his next of kin. But she was 22 at the time and all the doctors and medical stuff was way too much for her to handle. I was aghast at how unprepared he was, honestly-- no power of attorney or new will or anything. So I ended up at the hotel by the hospital with DD for a week, supporting her with food and sympathy etc. and taking care of stuff for the small business my ex owns. I helped out for a few months while he recovered.

It was hard and awkward, but I would do it again, for my children's sake. It just isn't fair to dump something like that on a young adult. My own parents are divorced, so I know all too well how hard it is when you're on your own to deal with them.

I suggest that you all get your affairs in order, and think hard about what a seriously ill parent is like for an adult child of divorce.

Are you retired?

No, but I only work 30 hours a week. My workplace was understanding. Really, the bottom line was that I could take care of this myself, or I could dump it on DD22. And I just wasn't willing to do that to my kid.

I want to be you when I grow up. For the sake of my daughters, I hope I am you when I grow up (they're still little).

Aww thanks. I've actually heard a lot of stories of this kind of thing happening, not so much with college-aged kids, but mid-30s it's definitely a thing. A friend of mine had to step up in a similar way when her ex got cancer and their daughter had just had twins, so she couldn't really do much for her dad.

Most importantly, avoid being my ex! Make it easy on everyone and get your affairs in order.

[Anonymous]

I'm not really sure in what sense the question was asked. But yes I do care, because it affects the health and well-being of my children. I don't bail him out of every little illness, but if it's contagious I see no reason for the kids to get sick unnecessarily. He does the same for me.

The PP with the ex with the heart attack is definitely something to think about. I will ask my ex if he has a new power of attorney etc. in place. I definitely would not want my kids to be alone in dealing with a parental health crisis, even if that meant I had to be more involved than I prefer.

[Anonymous]

Yes I care... I hope he dies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do care, mostly for the sake of our kids. They are 18 and 24 now so the day-to-day illnesses aren't really a problem.

However, I helped in a big way when my ex had a heart attack and bypass surgery. He hasn't remarried and his family lives far away, so technically DD is his next of kin. But she was 22 at the time and all the doctors and medical stuff was way too much for her to handle. I was aghast at how unprepared he was, honestly-- no power of attorney or new will or anything. So I ended up at the hotel by the hospital with DD for a week, supporting her with food and sympathy etc. and taking care of stuff for the small business my ex owns. I helped out for a few months while he recovered.

It was hard and awkward, but I would do it again, for my children's sake. It just isn't fair to dump something like that on a young adult. My own parents are divorced, so I know all too well how hard it is when you're on your own to deal with them.

I suggest that you all get your affairs in order, and think hard about what a seriously ill parent is like for an adult child of divorce.

Sounds like you missed your chance to finish the job while he was weak.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes I care... I hope he dies.

I love you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do care, mostly for the sake of our kids. They are 18 and 24 now so the day-to-day illnesses aren't really a problem.

However, I helped in a big way when my ex had a heart attack and bypass surgery. He hasn't remarried and his family lives far away, so technically DD is his next of kin. But she was 22 at the time and all the doctors and medical stuff was way too much for her to handle. I was aghast at how unprepared he was, honestly-- no power of attorney or new will or anything. So I ended up at the hotel by the hospital with DD for a week, supporting her with food and sympathy etc. and taking care of stuff for the small business my ex owns. I helped out for a few months while he recovered.

It was hard and awkward, but I would do it again, for my children's sake. It just isn't fair to dump something like that on a young adult. My own parents are divorced, so I know all too well how hard it is when you're on your own to deal with them.

I suggest that you all get your affairs in order, and think hard about what a seriously ill parent is like for an adult child of divorce.

Are you retired?

No, but I only work 30 hours a week. My workplace was understanding. Really, the bottom line was that I could take care of this myself, or I could dump it on DD22. And I just wasn't willing to do that to my kid.

I want to be you when I grow up. For the sake of my daughters, I hope I am you when I grow up (they're still little).

+1
PP sounds like a good egg.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Even though we failed as a couple, we have worked out our differences in order to raise our children. While I don't really care about the day to day aspects of his life (unless it affects the kids), I do care about his overall health and wellbeing. He is their father and I have to always respect that.

It is important to note that he is a nice guy but we are just not suited for each other.

New poster - to further elaborate, we once loved each other, had dreams, and created children together. The marriage failed for a variety of reasons but that doesn't erase this reality. Neither of us is a bad person or did anything horrible to the other one. I want my spouse to do well and be healthy because that relates to how they deal with the kids on hopefully a positive note. We have never badmouthed each other and this has made it a better situation for everyone.

[Anonymous]

If custodial parent is too sick to effectively parent, then yes I'd care to point of assisting.

If they are simply not feeling well, then yes there's a part of me that cares. Before I remember what a cruel jerk they were. Then I'm kind of glad....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes and No. My ex is mentally I'll and despite my recommendations and recommendations from every girlfriend he's ever had, he does not get the help that he needs. I'm not dealing with a mentally ill person that refuses to get help.

+1. I am in the same boat. I used to care and try to help. But, the reality is that my time, effort, money and emotions were going into caring for him and supporting his relationship with is kids, with negative effects on me and my relationship with the kids.

If he is sick, I will take the kids without complaint. In areas of life that I control, I make health decisions to protect myself and the kids and demand that he comply when he is with us. But, when he is not with us, he is on his own. It's sad, because his unhealthy choices have an ongoing negative impact on all of us, but there is nothing we can really do about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I care in the sense that I know how miserable it is to watch kids by yourself when you aren't feeling well, so if he has the flu or something like that I will gladly take the kids. If he was sick enough to be in the hospital, I would take the kids to see him and make sure that he had enough support when he got home (but I wouldn't do it myself). If he had a terminal illness, I would do everything I could to make sure the kids had as much quality time with him as possible until the end and help him get his affairs in order so the kids wouldn't have to handle these things on their own (if they were old enough to be expected to.)

This seems reasonable.