Single, when do I move past the dream...

[Anonymous]

Join eharmony. Seriously. I was 40, hadn't been in a relationship for eight or so years, depressed, etc. Tried eharmony, and within 8-10 matches I'd met the man I married 2 years later and we're deeply in love. But I didn't get the babies. Married at 43, he didn't want children, I'm older, it's a long story. If I'd done eharmony in my early or mid 30s I'd have met the guy and had time for children.
Go for it! I guess ok cupid is the new eharmony but honestly I felt like the matches were pretty right on (although not all were) and my husband and I fit together like gloves. Amazing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Treat online dating like a job. You'll eventually meet a great guy. I did (after 100 bad dates).
- happily married w baby at 35

This. I eventually met my DH at 33 after hundreds of bad dates and failed attempts.

Now 36, with two kids, and blissfully happy.

[Anonymous]

Freeze your eggs, stat. Then keep looking for the right guy

[Anonymous]

OP - You sound like a wonderful young woman so take an evaluation of what you really enjoy doing outside of your job and home and perhaps put a focus and time on invovling yourself in such activities/events. There seem to be great web sites on things going on in DC in terms of all kinds of groups and activities. Sometimes by meeting new people with similar interests or interested in learning new things, a relationship happens. I would also suggest doing some research on area churches which might have an active young adult group ( meaning 25-40) and try out going to a congregation or two to see if it might be a good match. If you think a therapist for a few sessions might help you keep your balance in pursuing a goal of having a child at some point, it would be money well spent. If you are going to do it on your own, then considering what support system you have in place or could develop is also important.

[Anonymous]

OP, you really need to make dating a part time job, as a PP mentioned. Above all else. You can still have marriage and a family. I agree with therapy and online dating and more outings all at once. Seriously, make it your priority for the next two years. Be open to dating younger and older, guys who aren't so tall, non-professional men, etc. Ask your married girlfriends if their husbands have any friends. Lose weight if you need to! Find and read "Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others" by John Molloy.

I'm a single mom myself in my early 30s (32). My biggest deterrent has been work, not being a mom. Don't get me wrong, dating a single parent is a dealbreaker for some. But there are still plenty of guys who will. I've spent my 30s living abroad and won't be back home for good until next summer at age 33. In retrospect, its been great financially but pretty catastrophic to my dating life. I've met guys only to lose a connection due to distance many times over. For some guys, my being a mother has even been a plus as they'd like to have a family now. You'd be surprised how many men are mid-30s now and never imagined being single or have moms pressuring them for grandbabies.

I can't stress enough how important it is to get into great shape. Hell, some gyms have a higher ratio of single men to women anyway. Put some effort into your looks. You don't have to wear heels daily, but start a no-frump challenge. Hang out in areas where the type of guys you might be interested in would be. If someone says that they have a guy in mind for you, give it a try. Online dating is a no-brainer and a must, even if you've been unsuccessful at it in the past. Accept that rejection is part of the process, but you will get over it. Get out of the house. You should be out in the city getting into activities as much as possible. There are guys out here wondering where the hell women like you are.

You are single and childless and you need to take advantage of that! Many of my single mom friends are engaged, married, or in longterm relationships now. If they're meeting decent guys, you don't have any excuses. If you throw in the towel and spend your mid-30s sulking in resignation, you will probably regret it in your 40s.

Since you're willing to adopt, that should take some of the pressure off, as you can go that route in another 5 years or so. I wouldn't recommend going the single mom path at your age since marriage is your goal.

[Anonymous]

At 34, you still have time. But you have to prioritize dating. Like others have said, treat it like a part time job. I met my DH at 38 on OKCupid. Married at 40. Not going to lie, fertility has been an issue. But at 45, with Donor Eggs, I'm finally pregnant. But I have a great marriage to a man who is perfect for me. I didn't let the pressure of finding "any man" get to me. My life, even with fertility issues, is so much better and easier than my friends who have kids, but are either in bad marriages or divorced and co-parenting.

Being a Single Mom by Choice is going to be 1,000 times harder than treating dating like a part time job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At 34, you still have time. But you have to prioritize dating. Like others have said, treat it like a part time job. I met my DH at 38 on OKCupid. Married at 40. Not going to lie, fertility has been an issue. But at 45, with Donor Eggs, I'm finally pregnant. But I have a great marriage to a man who is perfect for me. I didn't let the pressure of finding "any man" get to me. My life, even with fertility issues, is so much better and easier than my friends who have kids, but are either in bad marriages or divorced and co-parenting.

Being a Single Mom by Choice is going to be 1,000 times harder than treating dating like a part time job.

+1. THIS.

[Anonymous]

Sweet story to tell you ~ older single career woman I know was well into the adoption process when she met her husband. He was older, had retired early. After marriage he ended up being the one to SAH with the child. They are a great family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 34, you still have time. But you have to prioritize dating. Like others have said, treat it like a part time job. I met my DH at 38 on OKCupid. Married at 40. Not going to lie, fertility has been an issue. But at 45, with Donor Eggs, I'm finally pregnant. But I have a great marriage to a man who is perfect for me. I didn't let the pressure of finding "any man" get to me. My life, even with fertility issues, is so much better and easier than my friends who have kids, but are either in bad marriages or divorced and co-parenting.

Being a Single Mom by Choice is going to be 1,000 times harder than treating dating like a part time job.

+1. THIS.

I am a single adoptive mom who posted earlier. Yes, of course, it is hard, but manageable, and we are very happy! In some ways duo-parenting is harder, as I make the decisions I want to make, there is no arguing with spouse about issues pertaining to children, etc. I wanted to control my destiny as much as possible, therefore, I persued adoption....I felt like I had less control over dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 34, you still have time. But you have to prioritize dating. Like others have said, treat it like a part time job. I met my DH at 38 on OKCupid. Married at 40. Not going to lie, fertility has been an issue. But at 45, with Donor Eggs, I'm finally pregnant. But I have a great marriage to a man who is perfect for me. I didn't let the pressure of finding "any man" get to me. My life, even with fertility issues, is so much better and easier than my friends who have kids, but are either in bad marriages or divorced and co-parenting.

Being a Single Mom by Choice is going to be 1,000 times harder than treating dating like a part time job.

+1. THIS.

I am a single adoptive mom who posted earlier. Yes, of course, it is hard, but manageable, and we are very happy! In some ways duo-parenting is harder, as I make the decisions I want to make, there is no arguing with spouse about issues pertaining to children, etc. I wanted to control my destiny as much as possible, therefore, I persued adoption....I felt like I had less control over dating.

I am single adoptive mom and it is hard and was un-mageable for me. I had to throw in the towel - not enough time and not enough money for babysitters. I will try again when my child is older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry to hear this. Have a child, it will be the best thing you ever did!

I agree!

Although I believe given the opportunity to marry and have children within the confines of marriage is ideal for parents and children alike. I would never suggest anyone deny themselves the happiness of children in their lives because they have not found a suitable spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 34, you still have time. But you have to prioritize dating. Like others have said, treat it like a part time job. I met my DH at 38 on OKCupid. Married at 40. Not going to lie, fertility has been an issue. But at 45, with Donor Eggs, I'm finally pregnant. But I have a great marriage to a man who is perfect for me. I didn't let the pressure of finding "any man" get to me. My life, even with fertility issues, is so much better and easier than my friends who have kids, but are either in bad marriages or divorced and co-parenting.

Being a Single Mom by Choice is going to be 1,000 times harder than treating dating like a part time job.

+1. THIS.

I am a single adoptive mom who posted earlier. Yes, of course, it is hard, but manageable, and we are very happy! In some ways duo-parenting is harder, as I make the decisions I want to make, there is no arguing with spouse about issues pertaining to children, etc. I wanted to control my destiny as much as possible, therefore, I persued adoption....I felt like I had less control over dating.

I am single adoptive mom and it is hard and was un-mageable for me. I had to throw in the towel - not enough time and not enough money for babysitters. I will try again when my child is older.

I'm hoping that you mean dating was unmanageable and you threw the towel in on that...not on your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 34, you still have time. But you have to prioritize dating. Like others have said, treat it like a part time job. I met my DH at 38 on OKCupid. Married at 40. Not going to lie, fertility has been an issue. But at 45, with Donor Eggs, I'm finally pregnant. But I have a great marriage to a man who is perfect for me. I didn't let the pressure of finding "any man" get to me. My life, even with fertility issues, is so much better and easier than my friends who have kids, but are either in bad marriages or divorced and co-parenting.

Being a Single Mom by Choice is going to be 1,000 times harder than treating dating like a part time job.

+1. THIS.

I am a single adoptive mom who posted earlier. Yes, of course, it is hard, but manageable, and we are very happy! In some ways duo-parenting is harder, as I make the decisions I want to make, there is no arguing with spouse about issues pertaining to children, etc. I wanted to control my destiny as much as possible, therefore, I persued adoption....I felt like I had less control over dating.

I am single adoptive mom and it is hard and was un-mageable for me. I had to throw in the towel - not enough time and not enough money for babysitters. I will try again when my child is older.

I'm hoping that you mean dating was unmanageable and you threw the towel in on that...not on your child.

obviously she did not mean that....

[Anonymous]

I'll chime in with the rest. I had a failed engagement in my 20's, finally found a guy with similar values, etc. and was engaged, then had engagement #2 collapsed. Took me five years to get my act together -- and I did see a life coach plus a therapist to do it. Started one January with a mantra to find my dream husband / father to our kids. One year of dating, one year of living together, one year of marriage, kid #1, then struggled with fertility but had kid #2. It was not easy, and I was 35 when the 2nd engagement ended. It is very tough, but one of the things I had to figure out was my priority: having a family with kids only, or husband and kids. We still struggle - and infertility took a lot from us -- but I made the right decision for me to find a husband/father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have the money, I would consider egg freezing. It isn't a guarantee but it is something to think about.

This.