How do you get someone to stop driving

[Anonymous]

http://www.autoblog.com/2013/07/15/tragic-crash-elderly-driver-laws/

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had "the talk" with my parents. Asked for their keys. They said no. Brother disconnected the car battery.

What alternative did you give them to get around?

If his father injures or kills himself or someone else, this will be irrelevant.

You need to give them an alternative, like the PP who suggested Uber.

You think you're all tough and everything, but your approach is doomed, and will create more drama than necessary. Think more broadly.

If something happens, OP and the rest of the family will regret not acting sooner. You are not in their shoes.

http://www.autoblog.com/2013/07/15/tragic-crash-elderly-driver-laws/

[Anonymous]

My 91-year old dad absolutely refuses to give up his keys and he is 91. He doesn't want to use alternative transportation, even if it was a chaffeured car he didn't have to pay for. It's an independence thing. His license will either have to be revoked or the insurance premium sky-high, or he is involved in an injury accident before he gives up the keys. Sounds like he and OP's father are cut from the same cloth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:http://www.autoblog.com/2013/07/15/tragic-crash-elderly-driver-laws/

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had "the talk" with my parents. Asked for their keys. They said no. Brother disconnected the car battery.

What alternative did you give them to get around?

If his father injures or kills himself or someone else, this will be irrelevant.

You need to give them an alternative, like the PP who suggested Uber.

You think you're all tough and everything, but your approach is doomed, and will create more drama than necessary. Think more broadly.

If something happens, OP and the rest of the family will regret not acting sooner. You are not in their shoes.

http://www.autoblog.com/2013/07/15/tragic-crash-elderly-driver-laws/

Oh, I dealt with it. But we all came together with respect and honesty, and talked through solutions and alternatives, instead of treating him like a 90-year old baby. It's no wonder so many of you have screwed-up families!

[Anonymous]

op here...FIL has transportation because my MIL can drive perfectly fine. He just refuses because he hates loosing control and independence. He is also on a lot of medication so it further inhibits his ability to drive. I will recommend speaking to the doctors to my MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:http://www.autoblog.com/2013/07/15/tragic-crash-elderly-driver-laws/

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had "the talk" with my parents. Asked for their keys. They said no. Brother disconnected the car battery.

What alternative did you give them to get around?

If his father injures or kills himself or someone else, this will be irrelevant.

You need to give them an alternative, like the PP who suggested Uber.

You think you're all tough and everything, but your approach is doomed, and will create more drama than necessary. Think more broadly.

If something happens, OP and the rest of the family will regret not acting sooner. You are not in their shoes.

http://www.autoblog.com/2013/07/15/tragic-crash-elderly-driver-laws/

Oh, I dealt with it. But we all came together with respect and honesty, and talked through solutions and alternatives, instead of treating him like a 90-year old baby. It's no wonder so many of you have screwed-up families!

Your situation was different because your father or FIL willingly accepted your solution. You have NO idea what it's like to have a parent who will not listen to your solutions. It is a loss of control and they fight it tooth and nail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:http://www.autoblog.com/2013/07/15/tragic-crash-elderly-driver-laws/

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had "the talk" with my parents. Asked for their keys. They said no. Brother disconnected the car battery.

What alternative did you give them to get around?

If his father injures or kills himself or someone else, this will be irrelevant.

You need to give them an alternative, like the PP who suggested Uber.

You think you're all tough and everything, but your approach is doomed, and will create more drama than necessary. Think more broadly.

If something happens, OP and the rest of the family will regret not acting sooner. You are not in their shoes.

http://www.autoblog.com/2013/07/15/tragic-crash-elderly-driver-laws/

Oh, I dealt with it. But we all came together with respect and honesty, and talked through solutions and alternatives, instead of treating him like a 90-year old baby. It's no wonder so many of you have screwed-up families!

Your situation was different because your father or FIL willingly accepted your solution. You have NO idea what it's like to have a parent who will not listen to your solutions. It is a loss of control and they fight it tooth and nail.

Nope, he was the way you describe when we threatened. Once we changed course and treated him with dignity, the whole situation turned around.

But go ahead and do it your pig-headed way. Force him down. Good luck with that.

[Anonymous]

My ninety year old "baby" father just had his umbrella policy declared non-renewable because he was involved in a non-injury accident that was deemed his fault. His car was totalled and it was lucky that my mom wasn't sitting shotgun or she would have been killed. It means that they could lose their home and assets if he gets in another at-fault major accident and is sued above their current policy limits. He's still driving. In his opinion, to paraphrase Charlton Heston, they will have to pry the keys from his cold, dead hands.

[Anonymous]

18:33 has no clue how "pig-headed" some people can be. None whatsoever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ninety year old "baby" father just had his umbrella policy declared non-renewable because he was involved in a non-injury accident that was deemed his fault. His car was totalled and it was lucky that my mom wasn't sitting shotgun or she would have been killed. It means that they could lose their home and assets if he gets in another at-fault major accident and is sued above their current policy limits. He's still driving. In his opinion, to paraphrase Charlton Heston, they will have to pry the keys from his cold, dead hands.

I'm so sorry. That's awful. You should definitely try what PPs suggested--call sheriff and have them order the driving test. He'll fail, and then you can take the car away.
s/o of the "downsizing" thread...
One of the MANY reasons DH and I plan to downsize is that we want to not only be in a smaller place, but one that is absolutely set up so that driving will not be essential. I hope to live to be 90, but I'm not naive enough to think I should be driving at that age (or even earlier).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:18:33 has no clue how "pig-headed" some people can be. None whatsoever.

Oh, I do. I just know how to deal with it successfully.

Unlike you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:18:33 has no clue how "pig-headed" some people can be. None whatsoever.

Oh, I do. I just know how to deal with it successfully.

Unlike you.

lol No, you have no clue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:18:33 has no clue how "pig-headed" some people can be. None whatsoever.

Oh, I do. I just know how to deal with it successfully.

Unlike you.

lol No, you have no clue.

Agreed. If speaking to a "stubborn" person calmly and rationally makes them see the error of their ways, that's great, but know that they where no where near the level of stubbornness other people are dealing with here.
It's totally fine to try calm conversation as a first step. I think 18:33 doesn't realize that the other PPs are already BTDT and are waaaay past that now.

[Anonymous]

Have his car "stolen"

I think the important piece is to have alternative plans. Like PPs said, losing independence is the big fear. You will be taking away all freedom. Regular outings and a setup for taxi or Uber for other things will be important

[Anonymous]

My parents called the DMV on my grandmother who should not have been driving. They said to check her eyes on the next go around. She failed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I had "the talk" with my parents. Asked for their keys. They said no. Brother disconnected the car battery.


What alternative did you give them to get around?

They did not need to use their car. The lived in a residential setting that provided transportation, and they had several adult children at their beckon call. They knew all this. The scariest thing was they'd say something like - "We might want to drive to Florida". If we knew they were only dreaming that would be one thing. But the very idea that they thought themselves capable of driving on a several day journey. Terrifying. And irrational.