Has anyone ever had a successful conversation with their teen about weight?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where does she get the unhealthy food or is it portion control as well? One thing I've done is really stock the house with healthy choices. We don't have pizza, chips or ice cream here. We may order a pizza for a fun Friday dinner with salad or go out for ice cream on occasion but the temptation isn't here in the house. Instead snacks are yogurt,
PB&J, cheese sticks, apple with pb, carrots and hummus. But 17 is older and I imagine she has a lot more freedom to buy her own foods than my younger ones do. It's such a sensitive subject, I would try to lead by example but it sounds like that is what you've already done.

NP. These are great snack ideas but what if your teen won't eat them? My 12 year old is not overweight but if there is no junk food in the house to eat, she will find the white sugar and eat it plain (!). Or eat slice after slice of bread with butter or cream cheese. She has started to chunk up and I would love to help her now instead of during or after puberty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
NP. These are great snack ideas but what if your teen won't eat them? My 12 year old is not overweight but if there is no junk food in the house to eat, she will find the white sugar and eat it plain (!). Or eat slice after slice of bread with butter or cream cheese. She has started to chunk up and I would love to help her now instead of during or after puberty.

Ignore that aspect of it. Ask her what she likes to eat for snacks. Agree to buy some of the salt and sugar bombs, but tell her you'd also like her to be eating some things with more protein and calcium and fiber, so what else does she like? Yogurt? Stone fruit? Cheese? Baby carrots? Get some of that, too. Find out what she's eating for lunch at school -- that may be one of the reasons she's coming home so hungry (on days my son doesn't like school lunch, he gets a salad and comes home ravenous).

Her snacks suggest that she is may be about to have a growth spurt. Don't worry -- and FFS, don't talk to her -- about weight gain. Help her take good care of her body, whatever size it turns out to be.

[Anonymous]

Yes, but DC, 11, is a picky eater very underweight (4'9'' and 62 lbs, BMI well below the 5th % and showing zero signs of starting puberty). She doesn't have an eating disorder and isn't restricting in an I'm fat sort of way-- she has never liked to eat. She has been seen by the interdisciplinary feeding team at Children's, and based on their advice, I talk to her about how out bodies need feel to grow and how important it is to eat healthy food on a regular schedule, but don't try to force her to eat any particular thing. More globally, we have been sending her to kids cooking classes, involving her with food prep at home, and taking her to the grocery store to choose her own healthy snacks and lunch supplies. She also packs her own lunch. Something about giving her some control seems to help.

[Anonymous]

I'd try to deal with the underlying issues. Do you eat healthy meals and snacks at home? Is she involved in meal planning and prep? Are you active as a family? Does she get enough exercise and (crucially) sleep? Might she be depressed or struggling with some issue at school? Rather than worrying about her weight per se, focus on making sure that she is happy and healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're defining "successful" as "resulted in child losing weight," sure. It happens. And frequently, the kid has a screwed-up relationship with food and exercise forever after and a bad relationship with parents, too.

Sometimes the kid doesn't lose weight but gets the bad relationship with food and parents anyway.

Read "Fat Politics" and read about Health at Every Size. Then apologize to your daughter, sincerely, and work on being supportive. Let her be who she is and weigh what she weighs, and don't assume that she couldn't possibly be happy because of her weight. If her behavior indicates unhappiness -- if she lacks connections and interests -- ask her about that, neutrally. But never ever ever mention her weight.

This. It is crucial how you define "success." If it's "my kid maintains or develops healthy eating and exercise habits," you are in a much better position than if it's "kid loses weight." Talking about it in terms of "health" doesn't help if that's not really your true concern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I talk very matter of factly with my daughter about weight and health. It is not healthy to be overweight (like I am) and I acknowledge that and tell her I hope to give her a better foundation than I was given. She had definitely been getting heavier going into middle school. Her doctor, a woman, told us at her last appointment that she had gained 20 pounds in a year and that was too much. She said not to focus on losing weight, but on not gaining at that rate. She was very matter of fact about it. We took her advice to heart and made some tweaks.

I do all our family grocery shopping. I cook at home for dinner 5 to 6 nights per week now instead of 3 to 5. Dinners are a lean protein and a vegetable. I eliminated extra starch with dinner. She eats breakfast at home and eats a packed lunch each day. Her lunch is typically a sandwich, a piece of fruit, and a bag of carrots. I do not buy cookies, baked goods, or candy of any kind and bring it into the house. Daughter and husband like ice cream so we have one container of ice cream at a time and dessert is a serving of ice cream with a teaspoon of fun sprinkles measured with a fun heart shaped measuring spoon. I have one "junk" snack food at a time and those things are pretzels, pop chips, popcorn, or something similar. I buy no soda that she or I will drink. I do have some diet soda for my husband for his lunches. I love soda. Love it. So I only drink it when we go out to eat and I am really trying hard to eliminate that -- need willpower. Daughter is choosing water at restaurant meals now so that is an improvement as well.

We increased her exercise and opportunities for exercise exponentially. She plays a fall sport at school and gets 2 hours of practice time 4 to 5 days per week. We joined a gym as a family so after school when her sport is over she goes to work out at the gym with me. We also paid for a couple sessions with a personal trainer who works her out until she is sopping with sweat. This has made a *huge* difference for her because she is really proud of what she can do and how much she has improved. Her summer activities are all active. Sleep away camp that is non stop all day long -- sports, swimming, climbing walls, river tubing, etc. Outdoor day camp with swimming and on no camp weeks pool time with swimming, diving, lots of sharks and minnows, etc. When she wants to invite friends over, we go do something so there is no sitting around.

We have been making these efforts for less than a year. I had to take her to the doctor for an earache earlier in the summer and she had grown 2 inches and lost 4 pounds.

This is great advice.

[Anonymous]

At this point, I would ask the doctor to have a NOT-so-gentle talk with her. She needs to be scared. she needs to hear that she is headed toward heart disease and diabetes. She needs to hear that it gets harder to lose that weight as she gets older.

Having healthy food at home isn't enough at this point. At 17, I'm guessing she spends a lot of time outside the house and that's when she eats junk. She probably has pencil thin friends who are either active or just genetically blessed and can eat junk without gaining a pound.

Can you think of any physical activity that might get her interested in health and fitness goals? Maybe ask her to sign up for a fun 5K with you, like the Color Run? If she seems to somewhat enjoy it, suggest signing up for another one to see if you both can improve your time.

[Anonymous]

I WISH my mom had talked to me about weight. I was 16 before I found out the gym was an option (I hated team sports). I loved going to the gym, getting healthy and losing weight. I wanted my mom to cook healthier and to have helped me lose weight. Instead she was weird about gyms and sports and didn't see the issue with my weight. She complained about my 1/2 hour in the gym daily.

I'm lucky I figured it out. My sister is 200lbs and never figured out how to eat healthfully or lose weight. When you're a teen is the best time.

[Anonymous]

OP, I was getting pretty big when I was that age. One day, my mom bought some Slim-Fast and said she was going to try it. She very subtly asked me if I wanted to try it too. I don't remember exactly how she pulled this off, but somehow I was not offended. So i did try it (after we asked our dr if it was ok), and the pounds fell off pretty quickly since I was so young. People noticed and I enjoyed the attention. This motivated me to stick with it. i looked amazing by my senior prom! Looking back, i realize my mom bought the Slim-Fast for me and she was not interested in it for herself. I have never ever known my mom to diet. She probably chose Slim-fast because she knew that I loved sweets/chocolate, so i would jump all over the opportunity to drink 2 chocolate shakes every day! LOL! I'm not promoting or suggesting Slim-Fast, just saying that maybe you can subtly suggest something you both can try. maybe start using My Fitness Pal and see if she shows an interest if you talk it up.

[Anonymous]

Your DD is old enough for you to talk to candidly about this.
She knows she is fat. She knows it is unhealthy and she knows she is making unhealthy choices. Ask her if she wants your help in getting help. Don't go to a nutritionist - you are wasting your time - your DD knows what to eat.
Consider a shrink for meds - depression, anxiety or ADD (poor impulse control so very difficult to stop oneself from eating the wrong things) or a therapist and/or both.

[Anonymous]

I have not heard any posters talk about physical activity or sports. My DD is in middle school but I notice the girls in middle and high school who are chunky or overweight do not play sports. One way I keep my DD from grazing in the fridge, which she will do if she is bored or home all day, is to be out of the house and playing year round competitive sports -- volleyball in Fall, basketball in winter, softball or track & field in spring, and swimming in the summer. She likes junk and I let her eat her share along with healthy foods but the exercise is key for her staying fit. There is no other option for her because I can't make her substitute vegetables and fruit instead of fries and ice cream. It doesn't work for her and I don't want to fight with her on a daily basis or make her feel bad about herself. She has a nice athletic body and has a good body image.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have not heard any posters talk about physical activity or sports. My DD is in middle school but I notice the girls in middle and high school who are chunky or overweight do not play sports. One way I keep my DD from grazing in the fridge, which she will do if she is bored or home all day, is to be out of the house and playing year round competitive sports -- volleyball in Fall, basketball in winter, softball or track & field in spring, and swimming in the summer. She likes junk and I let her eat her share along with healthy foods but the exercise is key for her staying fit. There is no other option for her because I can't make her substitute vegetables and fruit instead of fries and ice cream. It doesn't work for her and I don't want to fight with her on a daily basis or make her feel bad about herself. She has a nice athletic body and has a good body image.

Exercise is important but staying a healthy weight in the long run has much more to do with diet than it does exercise.I know a ton of former high school athletes that became overweight adults because they never learned to eat properly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have not heard any posters talk about physical activity or sports. My DD is in middle school but I notice the girls in middle and high school who are chunky or overweight do not play sports. One way I keep my DD from grazing in the fridge, which she will do if she is bored or home all day, is to be out of the house and playing year round competitive sports -- volleyball in Fall, basketball in winter, softball or track & field in spring, and swimming in the summer. She likes junk and I let her eat her share along with healthy foods but the exercise is key for her staying fit. There is no other option for her because I can't make her substitute vegetables and fruit instead of fries and ice cream. It doesn't work for her and I don't want to fight with her on a daily basis or make her feel bad about herself. She has a nice athletic body and has a good body image.

Exercise is important but staying a healthy weight in the long run has much more to do with diet than it does exercise.I know a ton of former high school athletes that became overweight adults because they never learned to eat properly.

A child can exercise away a poor diet. An adult can't. If she doesn't figure out how to eat properly then she will get fat at some point.

Also the good advice here hasn't been great so far, with the focus on 'healthy snacks.' To the contrary, the focus should be on quality healthy MEALS. Hint: it it consists of a lot of vegetables and quality meats, not grains and not sweets. Even fruits.

[Anonymous]

I struggled with weight my whole life. I was around 175 and 5' 2" all through high school with 2 skinny siblings and a thin mom. She tried to speak with me about it gently my entire childhood and I always felt bad. We always ate healthy meals but there was always so many other things in the house to eat that I endulged. I went up and down in college and my 20s and it wasn't until after that I became my version of thinner. I've been between 130-140 through all my 30s except for pregnancies, but I have to work extremely hard to maintain that. I have to watch everything I eat and keep active. The second I splurge I gain. I am sorry, OP. It's hard for everyone and I am sure your daughter feels the stress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DD is old enough for you to talk to candidly about this.
She knows she is fat. She knows it is unhealthy and she knows she is making unhealthy choices. Ask her if she wants your help in getting help. Don't go to a nutritionist - you are wasting your time - your DD knows what to eat.
Consider a shrink for meds - depression, anxiety or ADD (poor impulse control so very difficult to stop oneself from eating the wrong things) or a therapist and/or both.

Many adults gave no idea how to eat properly. Why would you assume a teenager does?