Do private school students have more confidence than public school students?

[Anonymous]

Wow ~ I would say the complete opposite !!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They have more arrogance.

+ agree. parents and kids both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK, so my kid goes to a private school and here is what I notice (note: it is not an exclusive private school). The students are expected to dress professionally. They wear ties and button down shirts beginning in third grade. For this reason, they are just more comfortable dressing professionally when they start working. It's second nature.

Next, the teachers all greet the boys with a handshake and a proper introduction when they see them in the hallways. Hello Mr. Larlo, how are you today? This just makes them more used to professional greetings.

Last, the boys are given more freedom and respect from the teachers. They are treated like young men. There are fewer sets of strict rules in the privates, less supervision of the playground, and higher expectations for good behavior. The kids seem to generally rise to the challenge and the expectations.

I am sure that the more exclusive schools do have kids that are exposed to more professional situations, country clubs, etc. But even in the ones where that is not the norm, there seems to be a difference.

In my experience, the education was as good or high in MCPS, but the extracurriculars (arts, music, sports, etc.) are MUCH better in the privates -- except for perhaps, drama.

I really do not like this practice or behavior at all. I have so many friends who fall into this at both public and private, though I would say it's a bit more pronounced with my private school friends, all of whom practice and appreciate this are high HHI. What it teaches, IMO, is action and repetition without feeling. It's following rules and a set of social norms meant to attract other privileged people.

For example, I really hate talking to someone I've just met at a party and their kid comes out and this person introduces us, usually fumbling around for my last name, and usually getting it wrong since I kept my birth name. They are robotic. Also, I hate talking to friends and then they interrupt our conversation to make their young kid say hello. It is forced and frankly I much prefer when that same kid comes up to me to show me a picture they've taken on their phone because they want to show me specifically.

I do think it's fine to teach kids not to mumble when someone greets them, and to greet friends. But, I don't think wearing a tie has any inherent value; heck there was an article in the Times yesterday about how many Zappos employees had tatoos and none of them were in suits. So, I don't find that useful even in terms of future employment.

I'd much rather my kids learn empathy than this false respect. I'd much rather them have confidence because they had to overcome a hurdle. I also really believe in kindness and being present to people you interact with, like an employee at a store. That's what galls me. How often do people insist on their kids greeting adults who "matter" but then won't have the courtesy to get off the phone or look someone as they exit a garage or return a package to say thank you. That I insist on with my kids. Oprah had a big thing on this.

I'm sure many will disagree, but another consideration for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think they are more confident because there is less competition in a private school.

Well if its a strong academic private school, the competition is actually more fierce and the standards of academic understanding and intellectual curiosity higher.

Competition is more fierce for what in private? There are more spots on the sports teams, academic league, school play. More resources to help children get into a good college. More money in general to help children. The standards may be higher, but there is more help to achieve them and less people to compete against.

You don't get it at all do you. Intellectual competition[u]. Just that.

[Anonymous]

My kids went to public for elementary school, then switched to private for middle and high school. Over the years many people have commented on their confidence and strong social skills. In my view, nature and nurture -- at home and at school -- both play a role here. Even as babies, they were adventurous and open to new situations. Additionally, our large extended family contributed to the kids feeling loved and secure. Finally, the independent school they attended emphasizes class participation, presentations, debates and public speaking, so the kids are very comfortable meeting new people, going to college and job interviews, etc. Re an earlier PP's post about private school culture building confidence through dress codes and shaking hands with adults -- actually, our kids' school doesn't have uniforms and has only the least restrictive dress code and I don't think the kids ever shook hands with the head of school until graduation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think they are more confident because there is less competition in a private school.

Well if its a strong academic private school, the competition is actually more fierce and the standards of academic understanding and intellectual curiosity higher.

Competition is more fierce for what in private? There are more spots on the sports teams, academic league, school play. More resources to help children get into a good college. More money in general to help children. The standards may be higher, but there is more help to achieve them and less people to compete against.

You don't get it at all do you. Intellectual competition[u]. Just that.

Intellectual competition is not the first thing comes to mind when I think about private kids...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, so my kid goes to a private school and here is what I notice (note: it is not an exclusive private school). The students are expected to dress professionally. They wear ties and button down shirts beginning in third grade. For this reason, they are just more comfortable dressing professionally when they start working. It's second nature.

Next, the teachers all greet the boys with a handshake and a proper introduction when they see them in the hallways. Hello Mr. Larlo, how are you today? This just makes them more used to professional greetings.

Last, the boys are given more freedom and respect from the teachers. They are treated like young men. There are fewer sets of strict rules in the privates, less supervision of the playground, and higher expectations for good behavior. The kids seem to generally rise to the challenge and the expectations.

I am sure that the more exclusive schools do have kids that are exposed to more professional situations, country clubs, etc. But even in the ones where that is not the norm, there seems to be a difference.

In my experience, the education was as good or high in MCPS, but the extracurriculars (arts, music, sports, etc.) are MUCH better in the privates -- except for perhaps, drama.

I really do not like this practice or behavior at all. I have so many friends who fall into this at both public and private, though I would say it's a bit more pronounced with my private school friends, all of whom practice and appreciate this are high HHI. What it teaches, IMO, is action and repetition without feeling. It's following rules and a set of social norms meant to attract other privileged people.

For example, I really hate talking to someone I've just met at a party and their kid comes out and this person introduces us, usually fumbling around for my last name, and usually getting it wrong since I kept my birth name. They are robotic. Also, I hate talking to friends and then they interrupt our conversation to make their young kid say hello. It is forced and frankly I much prefer when that same kid comes up to me to show me a picture they've taken on their phone because they want to show me specifically.

I do think it's fine to teach kids not to mumble when someone greets them, and to greet friends. But, I don't think wearing a tie has any inherent value; heck there was an article in the Times yesterday about how many Zappos employees had tatoos and none of them were in suits. So, I don't find that useful even in terms of future employment.

I'd much rather my kids learn empathy than this false respect. I'd much rather them have confidence because they had to overcome a hurdle. I also really believe in kindness and being present to people you interact with, like an employee at a store. That's what galls me. How often do people insist on their kids greeting adults who "matter" but then won't have the courtesy to get off the phone or look someone as they exit a garage or return a package to say thank you. That I insist on with my kids. Oprah had a big thing on this.

I'm sure many will disagree, but another consideration for you.

[insert the gif of Orson Wells as Charles Foster Kane]
Right on, PP. This is very well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think they are more confident because there is less competition in a private school.

Well if its a strong academic private school, the competition is actually more fierce and the standards of academic understanding and intellectual curiosity higher.

Competition is more fierce for what in private? There are more spots on the sports teams, academic league, school play. More resources to help children get into a good college. More money in general to help children. The standards may be higher, but there is more help to achieve them and less people to compete against.

You don't get it at all do you. Intellectual competition[u]. Just that.

Intellectual competition is not the first thing comes to mind when I think about private kids...

Well read up a few lines, I did say if its a strong academic private school...

[Anonymous]

^ but the same applies to good public schools too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK, so my kid goes to a private school and here is what I notice (note: it is not an exclusive private school). The students are expected to dress professionally. They wear ties and button down shirts beginning in third grade. For this reason, they are just more comfortable dressing professionally when they start working. It's second nature.

Next, the teachers all greet the boys with a handshake and a proper introduction when they see them in the hallways. Hello Mr. Larlo, how are you today? This just makes them more used to professional greetings.

Last, the boys are given more freedom and respect from the teachers. They are treated like young men. There are fewer sets of strict rules in the privates, less supervision of the playground, and higher expectations for good behavior. The kids seem to generally rise to the challenge and the expectations.

I am sure that the more exclusive schools do have kids that are exposed to more professional situations, country clubs, etc. But even in the ones where that is not the norm, there seems to be a difference.

In my experience, the education was as good or high in MCPS, but the extracurriculars (arts, music, sports, etc.) are MUCH better in the privates -- except for perhaps, drama.

This is absurd. My children wear ties and nice dresses for many occasions and they feel completely comfortable in "nice" clothes. Just because they don't wear it at school doesn't mean they never wear it. (Church, weddings, out to dinner etc). They were also taught to shake hands, look people in the eye and day hello mr/mrs x. This does not necessarily make someone more confident and it not unique to private school kids. My son left private school and is much more confident in public school because there is less pressure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think they are more confident because there is less competition in a private school.

Well if its a strong academic private school, the competition is actually more fierce and the standards of academic understanding and intellectual curiosity higher.

Competition is more fierce for what in private? There are more spots on the sports teams, academic league, school play. More resources to help children get into a good college. More money in general to help children. The standards may be higher, but there is more help to achieve them and less people to compete against.

You don't get it at all do you. Intellectual competition[u]. Just that.

What is intellectual competition exactly and how does it encourage confidence? How would say a Sidwell Friends school encourage more confidence than a Blair or TJ public magnet school in terms of intellectual competiton?

[Anonymous]

Couldn't agree more but it's not always a bad thing. Even my coworkers who went to private schools seem to be the ones that act like they deserve a promotion or a raise so they get it.

Anonymous wrote:I think it is called entitlement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think they are more confident because there is less competition in a private school.

choke.... cough.... gag....

really......?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even controlling for wealth and parents education and SES, does it seem to you that private school students are more confident than their public school peers? I notice in the HS interns that we get that even if grades and intelligence are similar, the private school kids are more confident.

Have you noticed this phenomenon as well?

No, but then most of the students I know in private schools are there because they had some sort of trouble with public.

[Anonymous]

Bizarre topic