Telling MIL off

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Telling someone off " is childish and immature. Emotionally mature adults address issues as they arise in a mature and controlled manner.

+1.

Grow up, OP.

Seriously. Sounds like MIL has good reasons to dislike her. Who does this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've never done that, though my MIL has given me a lot of grief because I'm not from her race/culture. My husband has spoken with her, basically saying that however she feels about me, he loves me and that she needs to accept it and to treat the kids better, too.

She just ignored it and treated it all as a joke. I'd never tell her off, because it would be pointless and upset people needlessly. We set boundaries with her, and don't let her go overboard. Can't change people.

OP here. This is what I did! I may have phrased it wrong. Anyway I feel better!

You may feel better but if you want to accomplish something, give your MIL specific feedback as what it is that comes across as "taking it out on the kids." This sounds vague and superficial.

[Anonymous]

I did years ago. It felt great. She is the real loser though. Her son is not a planner so she only sees our family when I plan visits. If she wasn't so selfish, she would see us a lot more. Remember mothers of sons, your DIL will be the one managing the family schedule. If you want to on it more than just holidays, make friends with the one who makes the plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did years ago. It felt great. She is the real loser though. Her son is not a planner so she only sees our family when I plan visits. If she wasn't so selfish, she would see us a lot more. Remember mothers of sons, your DIL will be the one managing the family schedule. If you want to on it more than just holidays, make friends with the one who makes the plans.

Truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone telling OP to grow up? Sounds like she stood up for herself and her kids and called her MIL out on behavior that was potentially affecting the kids. Isn't that a good thing?

Good for you, OP, to clear the air. Maybe you and MIL can change up your dynamic a bit now.

+1000

Too many bitter MILs here, clearly.

I am always amazed at the lack of introspection of posters on this site. I am not a mil (or even close) but agree that "telling someone off" smacks of gross immaturity and says more (negatively) about the sender than the receiver. My mil is a real bitch but I would never stoop so low as to "tell her off". As an adult, I discuss issues maturely and rationally. For those who passively aggressively, get pleasure out of ensuring your mil doesn't see your dh, you not only demonstrate your immaturity but lack of love for your spouse. You all must be really young or really insecure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did years ago. It felt great. She is the real loser though. Her son is not a planner so she only sees our family when I plan visits. If she wasn't so selfish, she would see us a lot more. Remember mothers of sons, your DIL will be the one managing the family schedule. If you want to on it more than just holidays, make friends with the one who makes the plans.

Truth.

+100000

OP here. Thanks for the support, I appreciate it. Clearly the posters with either too much time on their hands to have a real problem, or they are evil MILs or both - may never know what it is like at the receiving end of a grown woman with untended mental issues. Aggression toward me is the least of it. When I try to bring it up, she wants nothing to do with it. DH says she has always been like this, and that FIL was always the voice of common sense, reason, and weighing what was actually important in life. MIL is the opposite, that is why we can not get along. Which is okay, I don't care for her, as much as she doesn't care for me. I (and anyone else) knows I did nothing to her, and that my mere presence, mouth closed, annoys her. It's on her; there really is nothing complicated about it. She simply has unresolved issues.

Of course, everyone has issues. Some take care of themselves more than others. MIL does not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did years ago. It felt great. She is the real loser though. Her son is not a planner so she only sees our family when I plan visits. If she wasn't so selfish, she would see us a lot more. Remember mothers of sons, your DIL will be the one managing the family schedule. If you want to on it more than just holidays, make friends with the one who makes the plans.

Truth.

+100000

OP here. Thanks for the support, I appreciate it. Clearly the posters with either too much time on their hands to have a real problem, or they are evil MILs or both - may never know what it is like at the receiving end of a grown woman with untended mental issues. Aggression toward me is the least of it. When I try to bring it up, she wants nothing to do with it. DH says she has always been like this, and that FIL was always the voice of common sense, reason, and weighing what was actually important in life. MIL is the opposite, that is why we can not get along. Which is okay, I don't care for her, as much as she doesn't care for me. I (and anyone else) knows I did nothing to her, and that my mere presence, mouth closed, annoys her. It's on her; there really is nothing complicated about it. She simply has unresolved issues.

Of course, everyone has issues. Some take care of themselves more than others. MIL does not.

it looks like your DH married a gal like dear old mom.

[Anonymous]

My MIL is a cult leader. I'm not kidding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did years ago. It felt great. She is the real loser though. Her son is not a planner so she only sees our family when I plan visits. If she wasn't so selfish, she would see us a lot more. Remember mothers of sons, your DIL will be the one managing the family schedule. If you want to on it more than just holidays, make friends with the one who makes the plans.

Truth.

+100000

OP here. Thanks for the support, I appreciate it. Clearly the posters with either too much time on their hands to have a real problem, or they are evil MILs or both - may never know what it is like at the receiving end of a grown woman with untended mental issues. Aggression toward me is the least of it. When I try to bring it up, she wants nothing to do with it. DH says she has always been like this, and that FIL was always the voice of common sense, reason, and weighing what was actually important in life. MIL is the opposite, that is why we can not get along. Which is okay, I don't care for her, as much as she doesn't care for me. I (and anyone else) knows I did nothing to her, and that my mere presence, mouth closed, annoys her. It's on her; there really is nothing complicated about it. She simply has unresolved issues.

Of course, everyone has issues. Some take care of themselves more than others. MIL does not.

it looks like your DH married a gal like dear old mom.

OP here. You are amusing! Exactly opposite, but thanks for the perspective, PP. Keep posting, I will learn more about MIL this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did years ago. It felt great. She is the real loser though. Her son is not a planner so she only sees our family when I plan visits. If she wasn't so selfish, she would see us a lot more. Remember mothers of sons, your DIL will be the one managing the family schedule. If you want to on it more than just holidays, make friends with the one who makes the plans.

Truth.

+100000

OP here. Thanks for the support, I appreciate it. Clearly the posters with either too much time on their hands to have a real problem, or they are evil MILs or both - may never know what it is like at the receiving end of a grown woman with untended mental issues. Aggression toward me is the least of it. When I try to bring it up, she wants nothing to do with it. DH says she has always been like this, and that FIL was always the voice of common sense, reason, and weighing what was actually important in life. MIL is the opposite, that is why we can not get along. Which is okay, I don't care for her, as much as she doesn't care for me. I (and anyone else) knows I did nothing to her, and that my mere presence, mouth closed, annoys her. It's on her; there really is nothing complicated about it. She simply has unresolved issues.

Of course, everyone has issues. Some take care of themselves more than others. MIL does not.

it looks like your DH married a gal like dear old mom.

OP here. You are amusing! Exactly opposite, but thanks for the perspective, PP. Keep posting, I will learn more about MIL this way.

what is amusing is that you think anyone who disagrees with you must be a mother-in-law. My oldest is in middle school.

[Anonymous]

OP sounds like an immature young woman... I am guess still in 20s or at least mentally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did years ago. It felt great. She is the real loser though. Her son is not a planner so she only sees our family when I plan visits. If she wasn't so selfish, she would see us a lot more. Remember mothers of sons, your DIL will be the one managing the family schedule. If you want to on it more than just holidays, make friends with the one who makes the plans.

Widow here. Haven't seen the ILs for decades after DH's death. You reap what you sow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is a cult leader. I'm not kidding.

Thread winner!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is a cult leader. I'm not kidding.

Thread winner!!!

+1

Do tell!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did years ago. It felt great. She is the real loser though. Her son is not a planner so she only sees our family when I plan visits. If she wasn't so selfish, she would see us a lot more. Remember mothers of sons, your DIL will be the one managing the family schedule. If you want to on it more than just holidays, make friends with the one who makes the plans.

Widow here. Haven't seen the ILs for decades after DH's death. You reap what you sow.

Signed, MIL from Hell