Wife doesn't want to share office space

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Taking over the guest room seems like the obvious solution here.

OP here. The problem isn't where to put the desk. The problem is how the decision was made, without any input from me.

I appreciate all of the responses. But I could figure out how we could both have work spaces. I was already working in the basement with a space heater.

The question is really whether it is ok for her to make the decisions without any input from me and perhaps most importantly, whether my response (moving the desk into the office) which was calibrated to show her I will not let her walk all over me, is appropriate.

Again, when I pointed out that she can't make decisions about the house without my input, her response was not to say "ok let's com up with a plan", her response was "she paid for it."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Taking over the guest room seems like the obvious solution here.

OP here. The problem isn't where to put the desk. The problem is how the decision was made, without any input from me.

I appreciate all of the responses. But I could figure out how we could both have work spaces. I was already working in the basement with a space heater.

The question is really whether it is ok for her to make the decisions without any input from me and perhaps most importantly, whether my response (moving the desk into the office) which was calibrated to show her I will not let her walk all over me, is appropriate.

Again, when I pointed out that she can't make decisions about the house without my input, her response was not to say "ok let's com up with a plan", her response was "she paid for it."

None of this is OK, and you're correct in identifying this as a symptom of a much larger issue. Given this, though, why think about small-picture tactical issues (whether your response in this case was "ok") rather than addressing the big-picture problems directly?

I can see why you're struggling over furniture in the room--there's an elephant there already.

[Anonymous]

sorry OP, your wife is a total bitch...but you probably sensed that already deep down.

[Anonymous]

You should turn the guest room into the office. Get a day bed or something in there.

It makes sense for you to have separate offices. So put yours in the guest room.

Problem solved. Seems pretty obvious.

[Anonymous]

Don't think too much about the office issue. It is a symptom not a cause. Demand counseling about the control and money issues. It doesn't sound like you have kids. This is something to solve before you decide to have kids with this person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should turn the guest room into the office. Get a day bed or something in there.

It makes sense for you to have separate offices. So put yours in the guest room.

Problem solved. Seems pretty obvious.

Ps. Wait you moved your desk into her office?

You both sound like drama queens. Why didn't you move it into the guest room?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Taking over the guest room seems like the obvious solution here.

OP here. The problem isn't where to put the desk. The problem is how the decision was made, without any input from me.

I appreciate all of the responses. But I could figure out how we could both have work spaces. I was already working in the basement with a space heater.

The question is really whether it is ok for her to make the decisions without any input from me and perhaps most importantly, whether my response (moving the desk into the office) which was calibrated to show her I will not let her walk all over me, is appropriate.

Again, when I pointed out that she can't make decisions about the house without my input, her response was not to say "ok let's com up with a plan", her response was "she paid for it."

Of course it's not OK. You need counseling and if she's not willing, break up. That's no way to live your life. With reasonable people, it would be obvious to discuss any home improvements and to decide to make the guest room a 2nd office (assuming that can be a more comfortable space than the basement).

I've been in a similar situation -- we have one "office" room. But in reality it is DH's. He is happy to share it with me but it is so full of crap (IMO) because he cannot get rid of anything. The mess would stress me out and just cause arguments. After 15 yrs together I've come to accept this is his thing and we are comfortable with him confining his hoarding (my word)/ collecting (his word) to that one room. He did get moved from a larger bedroom to the smallest room once we had kids and there was some discarding of crap in that process so he's not completely over the edge Anyway... I set up a workspace in our bedroom. Someday when the kids go to college we'll convert a bedroom to my space. We don't make any major house changes without discussing it and we also never say "I paid for it" because all our money is shared.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should turn the guest room into the office. Get a day bed or something in there.

It makes sense for you to have separate offices. So put yours in the guest room.

Problem solved. Seems pretty obvious.

Ps. Wait you moved your desk into her office?

You both sound like drama queens. Why didn't you move it into the guest room?

It's not "her" office. It is our office. Since it is our office until we BOTH agree otherwise I had no problem putting the desk in OUR office. Putting the desk in the other room would continue the pattern of her dictating things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should turn the guest room into the office. Get a day bed or something in there.

It makes sense for you to have separate offices. So put yours in the guest room.

Problem solved. Seems pretty obvious.

Ps. Wait you moved your desk into her office?

You both sound like drama queens. Why didn't you move it into the guest room?

why should he have had to do this and let the controlling bitch off the hook?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should turn the guest room into the office. Get a day bed or something in there.

It makes sense for you to have separate offices. So put yours in the guest room.

Problem solved. Seems pretty obvious.

Ps. Wait you moved your desk into her office?

You both sound like drama queens. Why didn't you move it into the guest room?

It's not "her" office. It is our office. Since it is our office until we BOTH agree otherwise I had no problem putting the desk in OUR office. Putting the desk in the other room would continue the pattern of her dictating things.

Jesus h christ. You both sound exhausting. It doesn't sound like it's a good idea for you two to share office space. So why don't one of you take the guest room? What is the big friggin deal?

[Anonymous]

The solution as other said is just to take the guest room. In the meanwhile you and your wife need marriage counseling and you should look into finding some couples communications classes. In the beginning of my marriage I was very bossy to my husband as well and it hurt our marriage a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Taking over the guest room seems like the obvious solution here.

OP here. The problem isn't where to put the desk. The problem is how the decision was made, without any input from me.

I appreciate all of the responses. But I could figure out how we could both have work spaces. I was already working in the basement with a space heater.

The question is really whether it is ok for her to make the decisions without any input from me and perhaps most importantly, whether my response (moving the desk into the office) which was calibrated to show her I will not let her walk all over me, is appropriate.

Again, when I pointed out that she can't make decisions about the house without my input, her response was not to say "ok let's com up with a plan", her response was "she paid for it."

Neither of your responses was appropriate.

Yes, she should have engaged you in the he contracting decisions.

But for you to move your desk into the office rather than just taking over the guest room was a power play. Be a grown up, not a drama queen. Sounds like you guys are engaged in a power struggle.

[Anonymous]

Get a nice two bedroom condo and put your office in the extra bedroom. Don't give her the keys.

OK, that's probably a bit extreme. But yeah, invoking squatter's rights seems presumptuous on her part. I think you have two choices. Press the issue of having your desk in the office making it clear that it's not her's despite what she thinks, or taking over the guest room without her consent. Or I guess you could stay in the basement, but I don't think you should have to do that.

[Anonymous]

I agree that counseling is desperately needed. Usually when a marriage starts everything is combined instead of separate so that trust can be built and you won't always think in terms of mine and hers. I found a great article online that describes the danger of keeping things separated, maybe it will help a little http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/money-and-finances/money-management-in-marriage/his-hers-or-ours Hope you get things worked out soon.

RJays7

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree that counseling is desperately needed. Usually when a marriage starts everything is combined instead of separate so that trust can be built and you won't always think in terms of mine and hers. I found a great article online that describes the danger of keeping things separated, maybe it will help a little http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/money-and-finances/money-management-in-marriage/his-hers-or-ours Hope you get things worked out soon.

RJays7

That article is wayyy off the rails.