Vacationing with MIL and family

Anonymous
OP, she sounds passive-aggressive. Why the heck can't she respond to your "good morning"?? Just stop putting energy into her and set your expectations low.

LOL at PPs who want to report OP for planning to not give her child bacon when the time comes!
Anonymous
My MIL thinks it's her right to feed our daughter whatever she (MIL) wants to. This largely amounts to tons of processed foods, colored cereals, pre-packaged lunchable meals, and so very many candies, cookies and sweets all throughout the day.

The entitlement was also part of what bothered me. Nobody has the right to do anything they want to, wrt to your child. You are the parent and she should respect your rules/boundaries. It's disrespectful of you, for her to say "I'll just do whatever I want when your mother isn't around"

It drives DH and I crazy, and created a real trust issue, where we didn't want to let her babysit. DH had started the conversation with her before DD was born (we had seen what she fed the nephews) We talked about what foods were off limits, and explained that we wanted to be able to trust her to take care of DD in a healthy way. When she was a toddler we brought food, sounds crazy, but I think it helped MIL to have an idea of what kinds of things DD ate instead of the junk. We are talking about a woman who doesn't ever buy fruit, vegetables, yogurt, etc.

Set boundaries, in a calm but firm manner, and explain the consequence, just as you would a child or anyone else. Then let her choose. It may be better if it comes from your DH.

On the issue of serving your DH and not offering you or your daughter.. that may just be years of conditioning. Is she the type who waited hand and foot on her children and husband? It might not be a slight, just that she is programmed to serve them. Similarly with not saying thank you - if its something she perceives a wife should just do. Also it could be that she wouldn't expect (or has never received) praise or gratitude for whatever you did, so she doesn't recognize that it's appropriate to say thankyou.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:WAIT - are you planning on depriving your child of BACON???????


Seriously. I almost hit the "Report" button, so Jeff could track her down and call CPS.


NO! Burn her. Burn the witch.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:WAIT - are you planning on depriving your child of BACON???????


Seriously. I almost hit the "Report" button, so Jeff could track her down and call CPS.


What's wrong with the occasional piece of bacon? Are you Jewish?


Nope, not Jewish. I really like bacon, I just don't want my child eating nitrates if I can help it. She buys crappy food, like frozen hamburgers for her other grandson. Oh, and cool aide, chicken nuggets, and every processed food you could imagine. Sorry, maybe I do have food issues. Just don't want my baby to eat crap.


Buy nitrate free bacon.
It won't kill your kid to eat processed food for a couple weekends a year when grandma has free reign in the kitchen. It might not be worth the battlet. You could always suggest that you do the grocery shopping or ask for her to get nitrate free meats where possible.
Anonymous
Crap is feces. If you are going to criticize foods, please be specific about what is wrong with it. When people say "junk"'or "crap," to me it says that they don't actually know what is wrong with the item except vaguely that it was processed in some way or contains carbs or gluten or something.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:WAIT - are you planning on depriving your child of BACON???????


Seriously. I almost hit the "Report" button, so Jeff could track her down and call CPS.


What's wrong with the occasional piece of bacon? Are you Jewish?


Nope, not Jewish. I really like bacon, I just don't want my child eating nitrates if I can help it. She buys crappy food, like frozen hamburgers for her other grandson. Oh, and cool aide, chicken nuggets, and every processed food you could imagine. Sorry, maybe I do have food issues. Just don't want my baby to eat crap.


Buy nitrate free bacon.
It won't kill your kid to eat processed food for a couple weekends a year when grandma has free reign in the kitchen. It might not be worth the battlet. You could always suggest that you do the grocery shopping or ask for her to get nitrate free meats where possible.


I agree. I very much understand your concerns, OP, and your baby is young, so every bite of food feels important right now. But life will be more pleasant for everyone if you can make sure that your food preferences don't become food fixations. It is very possible to raise kids who eat healthfully 99% of the time but still drink the koolaid at camp (or with grandma!).
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Crap is feces. If you are going to criticize foods, please be specific about what is wrong with it. When people say "junk"'or "crap," to me it says that they don't actually know what is wrong with the item except vaguely that it was processed in some way or contains carbs or gluten or something.


From the Free Dictionary:

crap 1 (kr?p) Vulgar Slang
n.
1. Excrement.
2. An act of defecating.
3. Foolish, deceitful, or boastful language.
4. Cheap or shoddy material.
5. Miscellaneous or disorganized items; clutter.
6. Insolent talk or behavior.

I think most people use the word "crap" to describe poor quality items. OP used the word "crap" to describe the poor quality food her MIL buys for her kids. In this context, "crap" refers to highly processed foods filled with non-food ingredients, such as chemical colors, flavors, dough conditioners, preservatives and other additives, meats preserved with nitrites, empty calories such as sodas, candy, sugar-filled pastries, doughnuts, Pop-Tarts, sugary breakfast cereals, etc. etc. Most food available in supermarkets I would describe as crap, with the exception of organic fruits and vegetables, organic meats, staples like rice, pasta, fresh juices, baked goods made without artificial ingredients and sugar. Whole Foods sells a lot of crap (organic and expensive, but it's still processed crap.)
Anonymous
To the PP's, thank you for the lesson. Clearly things like deli meat, processed frozen dinners, and Doritos are not going to kill my child, and I certainly know the definition of crap. What I mean is that there are many other food choices that I would prefer my child to have.
Anonymous
Honestly, looking back I think that the most important thing is making sure that your child will eat a varied diet with a variety of textures. That doesn't mean serve junk all the time. But a little junk here and there doesn't do much harm. And if your child is used to eating close to nature, he/she may even reject Twinkies, Doritos on their own.

Anonymous
Seriously, who thinks it's okay to serve a 6 month old bacon? They are just starting solids at that age! At a minimum, I'd think it would be a choking hazard.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Seriously, who thinks it's okay to serve a 6 month old bacon? They are just starting solids at that age! At a minimum, I'd think it would be a choking hazard.


Op's MIL said to the 6 month old - "Don't worry you can have bacon next year". She wasn't trying to give a 6 month old kid bacon. Relax.
Anonymous
I feel you, OP. Just the mention of MIL stresses me out.
Anonymous
This is OP. And it's my birthday. MIL Has set the expectation that we all go out to dinner together. I have decided that it is best just to go, but I'm picking the restaurant...no matter what. We will be bringing my nephew who is a terrible eater and his manners are horrendous.

Things have gotten worse. She directs all of her conversations go my DH and does not include me at all. So done with this crap. Can't wait to get home!
Anonymous
It sounds like she's done with you too.

Just get through the rest of the vacation and then regroup with your husband after some time at home.
Anonymous
OP - your kid is six months old. Let's see what you're saying a year and a half from now

- Signed someone who used to think just like you and now is required by the pediatrician to drench things in fat in order to get her kid to put some weight on.
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