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[quote=Anonymous]My MIL thinks it's her right to feed our daughter whatever she (MIL) wants to.  This largely amounts to tons of processed foods, colored cereals, pre-packaged lunchable meals, and so very many candies, cookies and sweets all throughout the day.

The entitlement was also part of what bothered me. Nobody has the right to do anything they want to, wrt to your child.  You are the parent and she should respect your rules/boundaries.  It's disrespectful of you, for her to say "I'll just do whatever I want when your mother isn't around"

It drives DH and I crazy, and created a real trust issue, where we didn't want to let her babysit.  DH had started the conversation with her before DD was born (we had seen what she fed the nephews)  We talked about what foods were off limits, and explained that we wanted to be able to trust her to take care of DD in a healthy way.  When she was a toddler we brought food, sounds crazy, but I think it helped MIL to have an idea of what kinds of things DD ate instead of the junk.  We are talking about a woman who doesn't ever buy fruit, vegetables, yogurt, etc.

Set boundaries, in a calm but firm manner, and explain the consequence, just as you would a child or anyone else.  Then let her choose.  It may be better if it comes from your DH.

On the issue of serving your DH and not offering you or your daughter.. that may just be years of conditioning.  Is she the type who waited hand and foot on her children and husband? It might not be a slight, just that she is programmed to serve them.  Similarly with not saying thank you - if its something she perceives a wife should just do.  Also it could be that she wouldn't expect  (or has never received) praise or gratitude for whatever you did, so she doesn't recognize that it's appropriate to say thankyou. 
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