Online dating: men contacting me when I'm not their preferred body type

[MaxwellSmart]

You sound like you're a nice size and you have a great attitude! Too many men these days are overweight and looking for a skinny Minnie. I, personally, go after a great attitude first, then everything else seems to work itself out on its own. Stay cool, OP! You'll eventually find a good guy and it might take some time, but you'll find him!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a common belief among male online daters that men need to cast a broad net and hit up large number of women at once, because so few women respond. If they spam 50 women at a time, maybe 5 will respond and then they can be picky about who to engage with.

This! It's a numbers game. They used to do it in bars, and now they do it online.

[Anonymous]

A lot of the guys I know just don't care. When asked, they might say they wanted a thin/sporty woman. But my curvier friends don't seem to have more trouble dating than my skinny friends. If you look pretty in your pictures and you sound like a cool person, they're contacting you because they want to meet you.

You can weed out the ones that are mass-mailing chicks by contacting only the ones who seem to put some thought into their responses to your profile.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I appreciate your feedback, all. I'm new to online dating, but not new to dating. Probably overthinking it, but it was perplexing to me why a man would specifically not list my body type and then still contact me--but as a PP said, "preference" doesn't necessarily mean requirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men contact me through online dating sites who state that they don't want kids and are not open to someone with kids. It clearly states that I have kids who live with me all of the time. My friend and I were talking about this and she chalks it up to men being NID (not into details). LOL! I'll say. If the guy seems normal, I will email him back. Within the first few emails, I let him know that I have kids and that they live with me 24/7. 90% of the time, I never hear from them again.

I vote NID. It's amazing how often guys skim over stuff, or don't even read/look. I don't mean only for online dating. Even men I know won't even read an email, or at most will skim it. One man I know only reads some texts, and skims the ones he reads at that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men contact me through online dating sites who state that they don't want kids and are not open to someone with kids. It clearly states that I have kids who live with me all of the time. My friend and I were talking about this and she chalks it up to men being NID (not into details). LOL! I'll say. If the guy seems normal, I will email him back. Within the first few emails, I let him know that I have kids and that they live with me 24/7. 90% of the time, I never hear from them again.

I vote NID. It's amazing how often guys skim over stuff, or don't even read/look. I don't mean only for online dating. Even men I know won't even read an email, or at most will skim it. One man I know only reads some texts, and skims the ones he reads at that!

LOL--so true! I met my DH on OKCupid. When we were dating, we pulled up each other profile. And there was this feature where you could compare how you answered a question and how he answered the same question. We got to one question that was worded weirdly but essentially said, "Are you attracted to underage persons?" He answered that he was not (whew!), but didn't really pay attention to the next step where he indicated that he was fine if the other person (me!) was attracted to underage persons WHA!?! He basically said he was okay with dating a pedophile! He freaked out when he realized how he answered that question...NID

[Anonymous]

This is perplexing to me, however considering that you posted FULL body shots of yourself and they represent you accurately, I would just assume that these guys will look past what they typically go for.

They can "prefer" athletic and toned, but wouldn't necessarily write off someone who isn't.

Maybe other things besides the physical caught their attention. I.e., similar interests in music, movies, hobbies, etc.

[Anonymous]

Do you indicate an openness to casual sex? One gets very different contacts when that option is clicked.

[Anonymous]

Is this on tinder? Guys dont look at details much. For all you can say you are caitlyn jenner and theyd swipe right hah

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I bet most guys wouldn't have an issue with dating a larger woman or someone outside of their preferences if they felt a connection. But when asked directly in the survey, of course men would put that they prefer thin.

I'm petite and never had a shortage of dates, but pretty sure most men would prefer average height (5'4-5'7).

I'd prefer taller, 5'10". But I know a really nice woman who is 5'0". Height isn't the issue ...