How to deal with angry, argumentative mother

[Anonymous]

Maybe your mom just doesn't have anyone to talk extensively to. A lack of interaction on a regular basis could mean that non verbal clues are harder for her to read so she is compensating by going into excessive details on how everyone should behave. She could just be out of practice with relationships. I don't think visiting less would help but reassuring her that you have low demands might. It could be that you are overly sensitive to her because you feel unwelcome? A burden? Not in tune with the solitary environment? Visiting someone a couple of days per year is like visiting a stranger. It takes time to reconnect and it sounds like you are out of there before it can happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mother was probably continually blamed as a child. There were no accidents, ever. Everything was someone's fault. She was yelled at for minor mistakes or just because she was around. If she asked for orange soda and there was none in the house, her mother (probably) screamed at her just for asking, or for being spoiled, or for not asking at the grocery store, or just because mom was tired and overworked. Any initiative was stifled. She became anxious because any alternative she chose in any situation was wrong. Merely expressing a thought could be dangerous.
******
Wow. This rings a bell. What would this be called, a person who behaves like that (blaming others for everything, not allowing children to express their own thoughts, etc)

Narcissist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your mother was probably continually blamed as a child. There were no accidents, ever. Everything was someone's fault. She was yelled at for minor mistakes or just because she was around. If she asked for orange soda and there was none in the house, her mother (probably) screamed at her just for asking, or for being spoiled, or for not asking at the grocery store, or just because mom was tired and overworked. Any initiative was stifled. She became anxious because any alternative she chose in any situation was wrong. Merely expressing a thought could be dangerous.
******
Wow. This rings a bell. What would this be called, a person who behaves like that (blaming others for everything, not allowing children to express their own thoughts, etc)

Narcissist.

Or borderline.

[Anonymous]

Your not old mom-as-little-girl probably HAD to go over every move in advance to prevent making her parent angry or becoming embarrassed by her parent's behavior or to fend for herself. Walking home from school ..."what will I do for dinner if mom"s passed out? Let's see, I could beat the frozen pot pie, but I need a back-up if that's gone..." Kids have to grow up too fast and must be constantly frightened and in fight or flight mode. Have empathy, but protect yourself too OP

[Anonymous]

"Not old" should read "poor"