do you stay home or work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I stay home. DS 5 has HFA. It was just too much between all the therapies and trying to still excel at work. Maybe in a couple years when he is able to go to aftercare or before care I will be able to go back to work. For now, this works for us. We are super lucky that DS is at an amazing charter school and gets an aide there. Otherwise, we'd be paying tuition and for a 1 on 1 aide which would necessitate me working full time.

What charter?

[Anonymous]

I work full time for the federal government but invoke the FMLA so that I can attend therapies, IEP mtgs, etc. I manage. But I'm also convinced that I will debate forever whether to quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I stay home. DS 5 has HFA. It was just too much between all the therapies and trying to still excel at work. Maybe in a couple years when he is able to go to aftercare or before care I will be able to go back to work. For now, this works for us. We are super lucky that DS is at an amazing charter school and gets an aide there. Otherwise, we'd be paying tuition and for a 1 on 1 aide which would necessitate me working full time.

What charter?

Creative minds. We love it.

[Anonymous]

We both work full time but extremely flexible schedules. My husband owns his business and I work in a very specialized field. I do drop off 3 days a week and my husband does drop off 2 days a week. Whoever does drop off works late that day. Whoever does not do drop off, is in the office by 7 am. We also have a part time nanny to take our son to his appointments (ABA and OT). One of us is home with our son by 4 pm.

It is a crazy schedule but he is in preschool now. My job is just a job. I do not have huge career aspirations but I do enjoy having my career.

It works for our family!

[Anonymous]

My daughter's needs were diagnosed at around the time I was entertaining the thought of returning to work. I put my focus into diagnoses and therapies at that point, and five years later I'm still home. The balance is what seems to work for us at this point; I feel I'm able to be more present and able to manage things without the juggling a f/t job would put into the mix.

[Anonymous]

All the choices are hard IMO.

I have 3 dc and one of them has ASD and also has a mood disorder. He has been in and out of school for the past few years, and no summer camp we can afford will take him. I would love to go back to work. I go days without talking to any adults except about my son's issues. But I don't see how I can have any kind of regular employment when I can never be sure he is reliably somewhere for 8+ hours a day without being called to come pick him up.

My DH keeps talking about me going back to work when my youngest is in K and it makes me want to scream. He is convinced it will be easy to find something flexible, during school hours, with summer and holidays off and no problems with me taking off to deal with a school meltdown or go to a (very frequent) school meeting or stay home if any of the 3 are sick (after me not working for 8 years!). Ugh. I am just so frustrated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the choices are hard IMO.

I have 3 dc and one of them has ASD and also has a mood disorder. He has been in and out of school for the past few years, and no summer camp we can afford will take him. I would love to go back to work. I go days without talking to any adults except about my son's issues. But I don't see how I can have any kind of regular employment when I can never be sure he is reliably somewhere for 8+ hours a day without being called to come pick him up.

My DH keeps talking about me going back to work when my youngest is in K and it makes me want to scream. He is convinced it will be easy to find something flexible, during school hours, with summer and holidays off and no problems with me taking off to deal with a school meltdown or go to a (very frequent) school meeting or stay home if any of the 3 are sick (after me not working for 8 years!). Ugh. I am just so frustrated.

You need to discuss with your DH the things he will have to pick up if you go back to work. He would be the one who would have to pickup your DS and stay home with children when they are sick since he presumably has FMLA to take or PTO. You need to be able to establish yourself at your new job before having to leave on a moment's notice. It's not fair to you not to set it up that way. He would have to pick half the other stuff you do in the house too.

[Anonymous]

Yes, that ^^ would make sense but of course we have prioritized his career (as the only career in our house) since I quit work to deal with our child's issues. So he feels like he needs to 'protect' his career and I agree, but I also feel like it is unrealistic to expect me to just jump back in to working life. I feel unqualified and have no professional contacts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, that ^^ would make sense but of course we have prioritized his career (as the only career in our house) since I quit work to deal with our child's issues. So he feels like he needs to 'protect' his career and I agree, but I also feel like it is unrealistic to expect me to just jump back in to working life. I feel unqualified and have no professional contacts.

This is the real reason why a lot of (usually) mothers of very needs-intensive SN children can't or don't go back to work. You need to preserve the higher-earning spouse's career and it is so difficult for the at-home parent to ramp up a career with all the needs and responsibilities of a SN child, and maybe other children, on her as well.

If a parent of a SN child can stay in the workforce, even part time, they should seriously consider it IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, that ^^ would make sense but of course we have prioritized his career (as the only career in our house) since I quit work to deal with our child's issues. So he feels like he needs to 'protect' his career and I agree, but I also feel like it is unrealistic to expect me to just jump back in to working life. I feel unqualified and have no professional contacts.

It sounds like he needs to be reminded of that and that it is your turn for your career to be protected for a year or two so you can get re-established or established. If he is unwilling, then he needs to understand that it means you will not be able to go to work for the foreseeable future. Come up with a formal agreement that you examine annually.

[Anonymous]

I work full time and so does my husband. We have had nannies and sitters and now an au pair to get us to 1st and 3rd grade. It is so hard but I'm afraid if I leave that I will not get a new job as a lawyer in the fed gov't that easily.

[Anonymous]

I work part-time (about 15-20h/wk), that way I am able to stay on top of DS's (and his sister's) needs, get him to tutoring, and provide him downtime after school,etc. DH is a fed and has a predictable, non-crazy hours. We are definitely struggling financially, but right now it's worth all of our sanity.

[Anonymous]

I left my job when DC was first diagnosed and was full SAHM for 4 years. Since then-part time. In some ways it keeps me sane -when I enjoy my job. Usually one area sucks when the other is going well. When both work and family life are highly stressful I want someone to airlift me out of my life and deposit me on a tropical island.

It's interesting the comments I get for working part time.

My neighbor is convinced I live the bon bons while lounging on the sofa and the I do lunch life and maybe deal drugs? I work partly at an office and partly at home.We do not share DC's SN with everyone. She's an angry and gossipy elderly lady and she tried to imply I was running an illegal business such as dealing drugs when she saw so many interventionists coming to our home. I was so sick of her nasty remarks I decided to just let her think I am a drug dealer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH gave up his career due to our son's disabilities. It was in stages - first PT then quickly became a SAHD.

This was the only way we could make everything work during the years when our oldest needed intensive therapies outside of school (4 days a week) and also take care of his younger brother. And it's been a luxury to be able to have them have a parent home all these years.

But the cost to his career and self-esteem was huge. The irony is our child is now fine. Entering high school with minor supports - the early intervention poster child, if you will.

My husband OTOH has not yet found his way back to full time work and I doubt he will. Just too many gaps in his employment history. We'd do it again but cost was high.

This is us, except DH works and I am at home and we have two children that needed the early interventions. We to wold do it all again, but the thought of re-entering the workplace after 14 years is daunting. Plus, it always seems that when I start the beginnings of going back to work, another anvil drops from the sky and I have to put the search on hold again.

This is my situation! I've enjoyed staying at home but never ever expected to be home this long. For years my days were filled with therapy sessions for multiple kids with disabilities. All are now in a good place and I know that the therapies and sacrifice were worth it. But I don't know if anyone will ever hire me for meaningful work and each time I start to consider options one of my kids hits a rough patch.

[Anonymous]

I work full time. I don't think anyone would be better off if I quite my job. We have caregivers when DD gets home and I need to have the structure of a job.