Laws regarding opposite-gender siblings in same bed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Out of curiosity--- how old is DSD?

28

[Anonymous]

It sounds weird. You can't make your ex buy two beds. When your kids get older they prob won't want to go over there. Your ex prob won't care. Stop trying to control your ex. Get in therapy and your kids too.

[Anonymous]

No, you don't get to dictate where your kids sleep in their other parent's home. If they are uncomfortable later, they can raise it with him then. This comes across as very, very micromanaging. It's not your relationship so step back.

[Anonymous]

Don't sweat it. Just let the kids know that when they are uncomfortable in the same bed that they can take turns sleeping in the bed one night and on the floor the next. If he gets a thin little mattress that will slide under the bed, it will be like a trundle.

This is the crap you have to put up with when you divorce. You longer get a say in these matters. It sucks because there is really no recourse. You just have to learn to let it go. Pretty soon your kids will advocate for themselves.

The good news (if there is some) is that you ex is clearly making choices that indicate he does not plan to take an active role in your kid's lives. While that is not a positive thing in a general sense, it probably means that they will be spending less and less time at his place over the years -- which means you won't have to worry as much about his parenting decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't sweat it. Just let the kids know that when they are uncomfortable in the same bed that they can take turns sleeping in the bed one night and on the floor the next. If he gets a thin little mattress that will slide under the bed, it will be like a trundle.

This is the crap you have to put up with when you divorce. You longer get a say in these matters. It sucks because there is really no recourse. You just have to learn to let it go. Pretty soon your kids will advocate for themselves.

The good news (if there is some) is that you ex is clearly making choices that indicate he does not plan to take an active role in your kid's lives. While that is not a positive thing in a general sense, it probably means that they will be spending less and less time at his place over the years -- which means you won't have to worry as much about his parenting decisions.

Thanks. I guess this is the bottom of it. when we first separated, Ex made a lot of effort to be there for the kids for a month or so, but when he realized I am seriously moving towards divorce, he changed his tune and has completely checked out. DSD just left from her biannual visit and he barely saw the kids during the buildup, during her stay and never ramped back up after she left. I am just so full of guilt and sadness that my kids have a dad who clearly does not value them. They are such wonderful kids and deserve so much better!

[Anonymous]

Couldn't he get something like this?

http://www.wayfair.com/Weston-Twin-over-Full-Staircase-Bunk-Bed-with-Optional-Storage-2814-FULL-DWF1115.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Couldn't he get something like this?

http://www.wayfair.com/Weston-Twin-over-Full-Staircase-Bunk-Bed-with-Optional-Storage-2814-FULL-DWF1115.html

First is isn't inappropriate for them to share a bed.

Second, there isn't a law about this-- come on OP. You know that!

Third, why not offer to buy him the full over twin bunks because true kids will LOVE them and it is important for the kids to spend time with their Dad so you want them to be comfortable. Then the DSD has a place to sleep too (and yes your DD can sure a bed with her half sister!).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Couldn't he get something like this?

http://www.wayfair.com/Weston-Twin-over-Full-Staircase-Bunk-Bed-with-Optional-Storage-2814-FULL-DWF1115.html

First is isn't inappropriate for them to share a bed.

Second, there isn't a law about this-- come on OP. You know that!

Third, why not offer to buy him the full over twin bunks because true kids will LOVE them and it is important for the kids to spend time with their Dad so you want them to be comfortable. Then the DSD has a place to sleep too (and yes your DD can sure a bed with her half sister!).

I actually did offer to buy ikea bunk beds with a full when he moved out, but he turned me down because it wasn't "nice" enough. I do not have an extra $1000 to spend to get a twin-over-full that he would approve of (pottery barn or the like).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Couldn't he get something like this?

http://www.wayfair.com/Weston-Twin-over-Full-Staircase-Bunk-Bed-with-Optional-Storage-2814-FULL-DWF1115.html

First is isn't inappropriate for them to share a bed.

Second, there isn't a law about this-- come on OP. You know that!

Third, why not offer to buy him the full over twin bunks because true kids will LOVE them and it is important for the kids to spend time with their Dad so you want them to be comfortable. Then the DSD has a place to sleep too (and yes your DD can sure a bed with her half sister!).

I actually did offer to buy ikea bunk beds with a full when he moved out, but he turned me down because it wasn't "nice" enough. I do not have an extra $1000 to spend to get a twin-over-full that he would approve of (pottery barn or the like).

OP again, and I know it isn't inappropriate at this age, but I grew up with a brother close in age and would not have wanted to share a bed with him when I was a tween or teen, and since DH insists on either spending nothing (hence them sleeping on the floor) or $$$$, I know that he will never want to change this configuration. DD could easily have her period in just 4 years. Again, I am looking ahead and cringing at how short-sighted this is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't sweat it. Just let the kids know that when they are uncomfortable in the same bed that they can take turns sleeping in the bed one night and on the floor the next. If he gets a thin little mattress that will slide under the bed, it will be like a trundle.

This is the crap you have to put up with when you divorce. You longer get a say in these matters. It sucks because there is really no recourse. You just have to learn to let it go. Pretty soon your kids will advocate for themselves.

The good news (if there is some) is that you ex is clearly making choices that indicate he does not plan to take an active role in your kid's lives. While that is not a positive thing in a general sense, it probably means that they will be spending less and less time at his place over the years -- which means you won't have to worry as much about his parenting decisions.

Thanks. I guess this is the bottom of it. when we first separated, Ex made a lot of effort to be there for the kids for a month or so, but when he realized I am seriously moving towards divorce, he changed his tune and has completely checked out. DSD just left from her biannual visit and he barely saw the kids during the buildup, during her stay and never ramped back up after she left. I am just so full of guilt and sadness that my kids have a dad who clearly does not value them. They are such wonderful kids and deserve so much better!

PP nailed it. This is not about beds but about your STBex taking out his resentment with you on the kids. Just have one sleep on the bed and have the other bring a sleeping bag with a roll-up pad for underneath.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I am not sure why it is insane for me to think that my eight, nine, 10-year-old kids might not be comfortable sharing a bed. Again, my stepdaughter lives out of state. I don't understand why it would be more important to accommodate her comfort on the times when she is in town then to ensure that the children who are still minors are comfortable in their fathers home

It's insane for you to think that there would be a *law* against it. Think it through.

Just because you don't know the answer doesn't mean the person asking is in the wrong.

Op there are a number of factors to consider these laws are state and or organizationally (administrative- think government housing)
specific.

[Anonymous]

I don't think this is a good idea. At some point, they are not going to want to sleep in the same bed, and that point could come pretty soon.

I would have absolutely no problem sleeping in a twin bed if I were visiting someone whose available beds were twin.

Better idea: how about one of those bunk beds with a full sized bed on the bottom and a twin bed up top? or one with 2 full-sized mattresses?

[Anonymous]

Send a sleeping bag. I never had a problem sleeping with one of my brothers--there were 4 of us kids and often when we visited anyone we'd have to share beds. But if your kids do mind, send a sleeping bag for one of them.

[Anonymous]

Your ex sounds like a jerk and by the time it is an issue the kids probably won't want to go there anyway because they'll be old enough to realize he is a jerk. In the meantime, I would buy a cheap air mattress to send with them and they can choose to share or not.

[Anonymous]

wouldnt be possible to enforce