Job A or Job Offer B

[Anonymous]

How much more money is B?

[Anonymous]

I'll go against the flow here. At 34, you have potentially 30 years more work years to make something and move into dream job. As a mother of young children, you have maybe 10 years before they are middle and or high schoolers who will be more independant and need less direct attention from you. If you take B you are guesstimating maybe 2 years before you'll have the type of work-life balance that you currently appreciate. But there's no guarantee it will get easier that soon. What if it takes longer? Between the longer, tougher commute AND the increased workload, you'll be missing more of the parental interaction that a WOH parent has. For me, that's more than I'm willing to sacrifice. I have a very flexible and family friendly job and I already feel like I don't get to interact enough with my kids. I wouldn't want to to decrease that time with them until they are teens.

I would keep A for a few more years before looking for the upward mobility jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll go against the flow here. At 34, you have potentially 30 years more work years to make something and move into dream job. As a mother of young children, you have maybe 10 years before they are middle and or high schoolers who will be more independant and need less direct attention from you. If you take B you are guesstimating maybe 2 years before you'll have the type of work-life balance that you currently appreciate. But there's no guarantee it will get easier that soon. What if it takes longer? Between the longer, tougher commute AND the increased workload, you'll be missing more of the parental interaction that a WOH parent has. For me, that's more than I'm willing to sacrifice. I have a very flexible and family friendly job and I already feel like I don't get to interact enough with my kids. I wouldn't want to to decrease that time with them until they are teens.

I would keep A for a few more years before looking for the upward mobility jobs.

OP here. That is where I keep landing on the issue, but I keep then going back and forth. My kiddos are my priority for sure. I just feel like an ass turning B down. Thanks for all of the feedback!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll go against the flow here. At 34, you have potentially 30 years more work years to make something and move into dream job. As a mother of young children, you have maybe 10 years before they are middle and or high schoolers who will be more independant and need less direct attention from you. If you take B you are guesstimating maybe 2 years before you'll have the type of work-life balance that you currently appreciate. But there's no guarantee it will get easier that soon. What if it takes longer? Between the longer, tougher commute AND the increased workload, you'll be missing more of the parental interaction that a WOH parent has. For me, that's more than I'm willing to sacrifice. I have a very flexible and family friendly job and I already feel like I don't get to interact enough with my kids. I wouldn't want to to decrease that time with them until they are teens.

I would keep A for a few more years before looking for the upward mobility jobs.

Do you have teenagers? Because I do and I would rather have the flexibility now, rather then during elementary school. Parents are not vocal enough about how much preteens and teens need their parents - and that they need them more at 13 than they do at 6, IMO.

OP I worked a demanding job for a few years while my kids were 6-9 and 8-11. It lead to a higher paying and more comfortable job now. I am glad I did it then, rather than now.

I also think it depends on what your husband's career trajectory looks like. My husband's career slowed down during the 3 years I was in a demanding job and we have now switched roles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll go against the flow here. At 34, you have potentially 30 years more work years to make something and move into dream job. As a mother of young children, you have maybe 10 years before they are middle and or high schoolers who will be more independant and need less direct attention from you. If you take B you are guesstimating maybe 2 years before you'll have the type of work-life balance that you currently appreciate. But there's no guarantee it will get easier that soon. What if it takes longer? Between the longer, tougher commute AND the increased workload, you'll be missing more of the parental interaction that a WOH parent has. For me, that's more than I'm willing to sacrifice. I have a very flexible and family friendly job and I already feel like I don't get to interact enough with my kids. I wouldn't want to to decrease that time with them until they are teens.

I would keep A for a few more years before looking for the upward mobility jobs.

Do you have teenagers? Because I do and I would rather have the flexibility now, rather then during elementary school. Parents are not vocal enough about how much preteens and teens need their parents - and that they need them more at 13 than they do at 6, IMO.

OP I worked a demanding job for a few years while my kids were 6-9 and 8-11. It lead to a higher paying and more comfortable job now. I am glad I did it then, rather than now.

I also think it depends on what your husband's career trajectory looks like. My husband's career slowed down during the 3 years I was in a demanding job and we have now switched roles.

So...maybe I will just stay put for 18 years!

[Anonymous]

OP, I was recently in a very similar situation (great, flexible job that I liked in government, former colleague unexpectedly reached out and offered me a job in private practice) and took Job B because of the money and possible downstream opportunities. I regret it and am in the process of trying to go back. The extra money is terrific, but that two years in which you have to prove yourself is hard if you have young kids.

[Anonymous]

Is your husband able to step up if you take job B?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your husband able to step up if you take job B?

Yes, but it is about my time with my kids for me and I cannot work it out in my head. It is very own mommy war.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your husband able to step up if you take job B?

Yes, but it is about my time with my kids for me and I cannot work it out in my head. It is very own mommy war.

If you want the time with your kids then stay where you are. Sounds like you WILL have to sacrifice that for a couple years (at least) otherwise. I will say I made the change and almost instantly regretted the loss of my flexibility. Trying to find something else now...

[Anonymous]

It's hard to say without knowing more about the specifics of your current position and the offer (salary difference, specific career advancement potential, etc.), but I probably would stay with Job A.

While my career is very important to me, in my opinion, flexibility and reasonable hours are HUGE with young kids. For me anyway, it would be very, very difficult to give that up (even for a few years) with young kids.

[Anonymous]

I turned down going from $200k to $400k recently. Crazy I know.

I did it because in the end no one dies on their death bed wondering what if I'd made more money?

They die wondering if they spent enough time with family.

Do I regret saying no? Sometimes. It's hard not to ask what if. Most of the time though, I realize I'm having lunch with my daughter instead of working till midnight.

[Anonymous]

I took a huge voluntary demotion in status to move from a prestigious job to a senior principal within my federal agency, for a part-time job-share in another office within the same agency. Same grade--just different prestige, career growth possibilities, and hours.

Mostly I have no regrets, but climbing back to where I was will take longer tHan I originally thought. Then again, I commend myself for even staying in the workforce.

There is no perfect solution. Hard to have everything, at least all at once.