Done with my mother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You knew this before you decided to have lunch with her yet you still had lunch with her. Glutton for punishment or do you just like being a victim of Mom's ?

I really don't get posts like this. The solution is simple.

You sound mean. Of course the solution is simple. Easier said than done though, and I understand OP. However irrational, there is always a hope that that person will change or improve. But they don't.
I hope OP will find the strength needed to cut loose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have always had a difficult relationship, but she is bitter like she has always been about everything in her life. She always complained when my brother and I were children that because of us, she wasn't able to live the life of her dreams. Told me at lunch today - after us meeting for the first time since Easter - that DH and I should not have kids because becoming a mother was "the biggest mistake" of her life and if she could, she would take it back.

I am so tired of my life.

My mother often sAid to us that she never wanted kids. It is only very recently that I realized what an awful thing to say that was. She is a horrible, negative presence in my life and the lives of my siblings. I just hope she won't be that for my kids.

[Anonymous]

This was my mother until she had Breast Cancer three years. That was seriously the best thing that could have happened to us. She survived, had tons of support, and came out of it ready to actually LIVE her life. Prior to cancer I dealt with her in doses. Now we are have an amazing bond. (Also, she loves my children which also brings out a different side of her that we hadn't seen. )

I don't remember this conversation but apparently I told her at one point "I'm an adult now, you can't talk to me like I'm a child anymore. Being around you is my choice, and if you want me to be around, you need to change your attitude." It must have struck a chord because she still remembers it.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP, I've been there too. My mom told me explicitly and implicitly my whole life how much worse off she was since having me. I've always tried to be "good" and earn my place and I distinctly remember growing up thinking if I could just get the guts to kill myself it would be a big favor to her. Of course if I ever say any of these things to her she acts shocked, denies it all and goes right back to praising herself for all the "sacrifices" she made. We're still in touch but only minimally and I've had to do a lot of work grieving the loss of a possible healthy relationship with her, at least for now. We had an incident this past year where she said some really terrible awful things to me and finally as an adult it hit me full force that this is who she is and there's nothing I can do about it so the only thing I can do it try to protect myself and my children from her.

[Anonymous]

So sorry OP. Whether you cut contact or not, I'm not sure, but you should definitely seek professional counseling before you have kids. Being treated this way by your mother will most certainly have an effect on how you yourself mother and you should really walk through it thoroughly.

She's a shrew, but sounds like she never got help she needed either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have always had a difficult relationship, but she is bitter like she has always been about everything in her life. She always complained when my brother and I were children that because of us, she wasn't able to live the life of her dreams. Told me at lunch today - after us meeting for the first time since Easter - that DH and I should not have kids because becoming a mother was "the biggest mistake" of her life and if she could, she would take it back.

I am so tired of my life.

Follow the lead of my DC. Tonight, I said to my DC, "Look at all this laundry that I have to do because of you guys!" My DC says. "Well, you should have thought about that when you decided to have kids". Fair point. Tell, your mom, it is too late for regrets.

Ew. If you're kids are old enough to be such smartasses, they should be doing their own laundry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So sorry OP. Whether you cut contact or not, I'm not sure, but you should definitely seek professional counseling before you have kids. Being treated this way by your mother will most certainly have an effect on how you yourself mother and you should really walk through it thoroughly.

She's a shrew, but sounds like she never got help she needed either.

She sounds like she has a personality disorder. "Getting help" doesn't cure that. Some people are just born bad.

And most people with those kinds of parents do fine. They learn what NOT to do and do something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have always had a difficult relationship, but she is bitter like she has always been about everything in her life. She always complained when my brother and I were children that because of us, she wasn't able to live the life of her dreams. Told me at lunch today - after us meeting for the first time since Easter - that DH and I should not have kids because becoming a mother was "the biggest mistake" of her life and if she could, she would take it back.

I am so tired of my life.

Follow the lead of my DC. Tonight, I said to my DC, "Look at all this laundry that I have to do because of you guys!" My DC says. "Well, you should have thought about that when you decided to have kids". Fair point. Tell, your mom, it is too late for regrets.

Ew. If you're kids are old enough to be such smartasses, they should be doing their own laundry.

Totally agree! I've been doing my own laundry since I was old enough to reach the knobs. It builds character