How to get out from family obligations

[Anonymous]

How did your dh not know that you didn't like them?

[Anonymous]

I am all for spending as little time as possible with in-laws you don't particularly like, but in this case, it sounds like you need to start finding things to like about them, OP. I don't know if you're able to step back and look at your own family and ask yourself who, if they weren't blood relatives, would you not click with the way you don't click with your in-laws? If they're not horrible, then you should start looking at each of them and finding something about them you like.

I had this issue with my ex's family, and it took me a while to realize that it was up to me to change my attitude and to make it work, because they were the blood relatives of my husband and child. I found I could talk gardening and (out of boredom) do jigsaw puzzles with my MIL. She was a sweet woman, but we never had a real conversation. Recognizing that she was family and finding a way to make being around her bearable was important. Eventually I came to enjoy those times with her.

Sometimes we're too caught up in seeing what's not there to realize we have to work with what's there.

[Anonymous]

I don't particularly click with my in-laws, either. But it would never occur to me to try to get out of seeing them a few times a year. My husband loves them, they are nice people who adore their grandchild, and they have always gone out of their way to be kind and welcoming to me.

So I go and I smile and I make polite chit-chat. And when it starts to be too much, I suggest that we all go for a walk or to the nearest playground. Or I say I need a nap and go chill in my room while they play with my daughter. Or I say something like, "I'm reading a really great book right now. Do you mind watching Larla for a little bit--I'm at such an exciting part?" or, "Wow, I'm really tired! Does anyone mind if I go take a nap?" And I return to the group refreshed and ready to participate again.

Keep in mind, you are teaching your children how to treat you when they are older and married and have kids. What lesson would you like them to learn? What pattern do you want to set?

[Anonymous]

How often do you see them? That's a key issue.