crossing boundaries

[Anonymous]

Tried to read it all, couldn't be bothered. Not amusing.

I'd say set up boundaries in your own house and go from there.

[Anonymous]

This is what entitled looks like. Do not tip toe around this. Tell your kid to watch her own kid next time that you are too busy. She may have behaved differently if she knew what was up as she was walking in the door. Tell her because she bitched about the laundry she can do laundry at her own place or a laundry mat next time. STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!!!

[Anonymous]

I like your writing style, for the most part. But now sit back and re read what you've written.

your 20 something year old daughter can't or won't set boundaries for her young child. YOU can't or won't set boundaries for your 20 something year old child. Come on. think about it.

[Anonymous]

Well, you had it out with her, and you've laid out your frustrations and expectations. Or, if you weren't clear, you should call her, apologize for blowing up, and then calmly and lovingly tell her that things need to change, and lay out your expectations. Now all that's left is to enforce them. Next time she arrives at a bad time, tell her it's a bad time. I wouldn't cast her out, but at least let her know you can't watch her child while she's doing laundry and checking her phone. Next time the kid makes a mess, you can very nonchalantly tell the GDS and daughter it's time to clean up, before they leave. When your gds brings food into the living room, make him take it into the kitchen and/or remind your daughter "oh hey, Joey has a banana on the couch. Bring it back into the kitchen please." My MIL was forever reminding us (the adult children) and the grandchildren of her no eating in the family room rule. We often forgot, but we respected it when she reminded us. Just keep your backbone in tact.

[Anonymous]

OP, I love your writing! I agree that you need to set boundaries. Don't allow your DD to emotionally extort you.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

Thanks for letting me vent. And that's mostly what I needed to do.

I want to clarify that I've ALWAYS had boundaries with my kids. The no eating in the the family room was a long standing rule in my house since she was a baby and one the other children honor as well. She suddenly thinks it doesn't apply to her anymore since she lives on her own now. It's frustrating. I don't raise my kids to be brats and I don't tolerate disrespect. Even her siblings are confused at why she's behaving this way. I should mention her MIL/FIL are living doormats and allow their kids to do whatever they want.

I admit she's gotten away with it a few times and that was the biggest mistake I've ever made. But now it seems like every time I voice my opposition about something she dangles the baby in front of me and threatens to keep him away.

That's the part that I'm afraid of and that's what it seems like she's doing. She's already deleted me off her social media and blocked me from her phone. She has every intention of keeping my DGS away. Her last words were "I'm not going to let you pick on a 2 year old." Wow. This is NOT the girl I raised.

[Anonymous]

Do you want to see your DGS or not? Relax, life is too short. Don't be so petty.

[Anonymous]

As much as it would pain me, you have to let her go. If it means you dont see your grandson, so be it. You cannot let her use him as a bargaining chip. She sounds like a piece of work. She is selfish as hell, and sounds like she is too immature to be a mother.

[Anonymous]

Start a blog. I think you would enjoy it.

Two, stand your ground. Don't let her blackmail you with your grandson.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As much as it would pain me, you have to let her go. If it means you dont see your grandson, so be it. You cannot let her use him as a bargaining chip. She sounds like a piece of work. She is selfish as hell, and sounds like she is too immature to be a mother.

Agreed. Otherwise expect that for the next 16 years you are going to have that child dangled in front of you and snatched away. Don't play her game that makes that poor boy a pawn.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you had been able to set boundaries earlier in the process you wouldn't have blown up at her. The thing to do was to tell her you couldn't host her while her siblings were recovering from oral surgery and to ask her to come back another time. I know (from experience) how hard it can be to set those simple boundaries so you're going to have to practice it. But what happened here is that you kept letting her walk all over you so of course you blew up.

Just say no. Accept that you have a right to say it. (you don't really believe it now) Say it earlier. You won't lose your shit next time.

[Anonymous]

I hate when people whine about how their kids act, when they don't bother to speak to the kids and shut that down. If your daughter is selfish, immature, entitled, spoiled, and lazy, and you can't stand up to her, it's your own fault.