I grew up as a Jehovah's Witness. AMA

[Anonymous]

She didn't speak to me for several years after I made the decision to not be a JW at the age of 16, but they changed the rules so that family could speak to "disassociated" people, without the full shunning of the "disfellowshipping" . I can explain these terms if anyone asks.

When did the rules change and what level of contact is permitted now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

She didn't speak to me for several years after I made the decision to not be a JW at the age of 16, but they changed the rules so that family could speak to "disassociated" people, without the full shunning of the "disfellowshipping" . I can explain these terms if anyone asks.

When did the rules change and what level of contact is permitted now?

I was in my 20's, I remember my brother called, all excited that we could talk again. I remember feeling sad, that this faith would arbitrarily change rules, trying to keep people from leaving. They called it New Light, passed down from God to the Brothers at the Watchtower, Bible and Tract Society, where all their materials are printed. Basically, a bunch of guys make up the rules , have it printed and say it's of God.

My mom talks to me if I call. I have a 17 year old daughter that she's never met. We're friendly but distant. She's a funny, cool lady and I mourn the fact that I missed out on a normal mother- daughter relationship. Luckily, I have one with my own daughter.

[Anonymous]

Do you feel it's a true cult?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you feel it's a true cult?

From what I've read, any religious group that will use coercion or fear to retain members is a cult. It's just a very subtle thing. For instance, I remember when people would begin to study with the Jehovah's Witnesses, they were told that Satan would speak through their friends and family, who might tell them to be careful or not continue their studies. Then once you're in, contact with non JW members is strongly discouraged. I wasn't allowed to have friends out of school who weren't of the religion. You're not really supposed to hang out with anyone, only what you have to do, such as school or work. Many people are so entwined into the religion, it's a huge act of courage to leave. They have JW bosses, relatives, friends and spouses, all who would stop speaking to them if they left.

Does this constitute a cult? It's not a dangerous one, but yes, I believe so. Spiritual beliefs should include freedom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you decide to leave JW at age 16?

I felt very uncomfortable with watching families be torn apart. I distinctly recall feeling this around age 11 or so and it just ate at me. It seemed to me that family was an important structure , and seeing as I was in an abusive situation from ages 8-12, it hurt me to see grown children that couldn't speak to parents, siblings that were astranged. The idea of using fear to keep people in the faith was abhorrent to me, even at an early age. I was already too afraid to report my abuse to my mother (my step brothers were physically and sexually hurting me) and this was another layer of fear.

At age 15-16, when I acted up a bit, my parents made me sit down with four elders of our congregation. They grilled me. They asked for details regarding a boy I'd made out with. I was humiliated. These were people I'd grown up with. I babysat their children. I'd done very little, meanwhile other teens in the congregation were having sex, smoking and drinking with no reprisal. They never once asked if I was troubled or sad or needed help. They took away all my babysitting and put me on restrictions. After a year of that, I told me mother I was finished with her faith and to throw me out. They did. Since I still lived at home, for two year I had to attend worship twice a week, and no one spoke to me.

Do you mean no one spoke to you during the worship services, or no one spoke to you at all for two years? Also, why would they insist you go to worship when they threw you out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you decide to leave JW at age 16?

I felt very uncomfortable with watching families be torn apart. I distinctly recall feeling this around age 11 or so and it just ate at me. It seemed to me that family was an important structure , and seeing as I was in an abusive situation from ages 8-12, it hurt me to see grown children that couldn't speak to parents, siblings that were astranged. The idea of using fear to keep people in the faith was abhorrent to me, even at an early age. I was already too afraid to report my abuse to my mother (my step brothers were physically and sexually hurting me) and this was another layer of fear.

At age 15-16, when I acted up a bit, my parents made me sit down with four elders of our congregation. They grilled me. They asked for details regarding a boy I'd made out with. I was humiliated. These were people I'd grown up with. I babysat their children. I'd done very little, meanwhile other teens in the congregation were having sex, smoking and drinking with no reprisal. They never once asked if I was troubled or sad or needed help. They took away all my babysitting and put me on restrictions. After a year of that, I told me mother I was finished with her faith and to throw me out. They did. Since I still lived at home, for two year I had to attend worship twice a week, and no one spoke to me.

Do you mean no one spoke to you during the worship services, or no one spoke to you at all for two years? Also, why would they insist you go to worship when they threw you out?

When I walked into the congregation on Thursday and Sunday, no one looked in my eyes or spoke to me except my immediate family. I'd sit for two hours, then go sit in my parents car until they were done socializing. No JW outside for immediate family was allowed conversation with me, even a hi if I was on the street was forbidden. This was only because I stated I didn't want to be one anymore.

I was a minor child and listened to my mother. They wouldn't allow me to stay home alone. loved her and couldn't stand to fight with her. I did run away several times, however, and left home for good the day I turned 18.

[Anonymous]

Maybe your congregation was stricter than the one my mom went to (and I did too until I was about 13). I don't remember any shunning, and my mom certainly didn't shun me when I stopped going. I do remember talks and materials encouraging JW associations though.

That religion is not for me, but it did keep my mom fairly happy and not lonely. The people were there for her, and I was across the country. And individually they are unusually good kind people. So I have no ill will.

My mom died a couple of years ago. A willingness to accept a blood transfusion might have helped her. But she had been a JW so long, she would not do this. There was no point to add to her problems by trying to change her mind. I still am sad about that -- but given her condition it is a choice that someone non-religious who did not want a medicalized death with a small- to moderate- choice of life could have made.

Anyway, OP, sorry your experience with your family and the religion was so bad.

[Anonymous]

Oh PP here - this was also in the 70's and early to mid 80s for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your congregation was stricter than the one my mom went to (and I did too until I was about 13). I don't remember any shunning, and my mom certainly didn't shun me when I stopped going. I do remember talks and materials encouraging JW associations though.

That religion is not for me, but it did keep my mom fairly happy and not lonely. The people were there for her, and I was across the country. And individually they are unusually good kind people. So I have no ill will.

My mom died a couple of years ago. A willingness to accept a blood transfusion might have helped her. But she had been a JW so long, she would not do this. There was no point to add to her problems by trying to change her mind. I still am sad about that -- but given her condition it is a choice that someone non-religious who did not want a medicalized death with a small- to moderate- choice of life could have made.

Anyway, OP, sorry your experience with your family and the religion was so bad.

Thanks for sharing your experience! All congregations disfellowship, it's part of the religion. I don't know if I'm different because I noticed it. It wasn't often, but when it happened they'd announce it at the Thursday night meeting. "Such and such has engaged in behavior unworthy of a Christian. " something like that.
I'm sorry about your mom. Hugs. ?

[Anonymous]

Opps. Hugs <3

[Anonymous]

Did you have non JW friends when you were in school OP? And where did you go when you turned 18?

[Anonymous]

Pp, we're you baptized? If not, that's why your mom continued speaking to you, or else she was ok with breaking the rules. Which I applaud

In 1982, when I left, if you weren't baptized you could still be treated as disfellowshipped. That changed a few years later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you have non JW friends when you were in school OP? And where did you go when you turned 18?

I tried to have friends, but I couldn't call or hang out after school, so nothing ever jelled. At 18 I moved in with roommates in a big house and went to work. I'd been accepted at college, but my parents wouldn't sign a particular form, I refused to forge their names, and so I thought I'd just start saving money and go later. I did spend that summer volunteering in the Grand Tetons, which was wonderful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you have non JW friends when you were in school OP? And where did you go when you turned 18?

I tried to have friends, but I couldn't call or hang out after school, so nothing ever jelled. At 18 I moved in with roommates in a big house and went to work. I'd been accepted at college, but my parents wouldn't sign a particular form, I refused to forge their names, and so I thought I'd just start saving money and go later. I did spend that summer volunteering in the Grand Tetons, which was wonderful.

So happy you were able to make a good life for yourself OP. I know it couldn't have been easy.

[Anonymous]

What's the basis behind being opposed to blood transfusions? So that one "true" Christian does not get a non JW blood?

You say people have JW bosses, friends, classmates etc - are there geographic areas where JW population is highly concentrated (like Utah for mormons) ? I've lived in the US for many years and never met any JWs at university or workplace, just the once who knocked on my door, so I am just courious where their communities are mostly concentrated.

You mentioned your step brothers. Does that mean your mom was divorced and remarried? Is that allowed?

Thank you! This is a very interesting thread.