did you share your issues? when? and do you regret it?

[Anonymous]

I told my sister and no one else. She and I are close and she was incredibly supportive.

I don't regret not sharing. As time goes on, it's too difficult to talk about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I told my sister and no one else. She and I are close and she was incredibly supportive.

I don't regret not sharing. As time goes on, it's too difficult to talk about.

+1
It gets more difficult as time goes on.

[Anonymous]

I have been the person someone told. She needed to tell someone. The deal was I let her bring it up. I had already read some mom blogs that dealt with infertility so I had some clue about dumb things not to say, thankfully. I felt very honored that she shared and wanted to respect that gift of

Then I needed fertility testing and she spelled out for me what to do and how to streamline the process.

We eventually got successfully pregnant within a few months of each other, a big stroke of luck.

[Anonymous]

Gift of openness I meant

[Anonymous]

I shared the news immediately with close friends and family, all of whom were supportive. No one made rude comments. No one asked pushy questions. You know who the people like this are. Don't tell them.

About a year and a half in we joined a Resolve group. It was extremely helpful. Once we decided to adopt we told close friends and family. Again, supportive. We're three years in now and when people ask if we are having another child, I just tell them point blank that we cannot have more biological children and that we are in the process of adopting. The few rude questions we've received have been met with "it's a personal decision and I'd rather not discuss it in detail."

I get your hesitation, OP, but the truth will set you free. Talking about it has helped me embrace the reality and move forward emotionally. This is not some moral or personal failing that has to be hidden in the shadows. And really, 99% of people are not going to be rude. You shut down the few who are and keep moving forward.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a few months in and haven't told anyone yet....we're dealing with male issues which I understand can be particularly embarrassing to my husband. I thought we could power through, it'd work, and we'd be on our way. But we're not and its getting harder. I go back and forth though because I'm not sure I want to bring people (my mom, my bff) into it and then have to announce every failure to them. Share regularly that no we're STILL not pregnant. I wish I could tell them so I could talk it through with someone other than my husband and then have them forget so we didn't have to have the ongoing "yep, failed again" convos.

What have you all done? Any regrets?

OP, you don't owe people status updates or specific details if/when you tell them. You just say we're having trouble getting pregnant and leave it at that. If people ask how it is going, you just say "no luck yet.". People will ask out of concern and caring and most people have the class not to ask about the details. A lot of people who know me know but they do not know the details, just that I cannot have more biological children. Not ONE person have asked why or for specific reasons why.

[Anonymous]

Worse than having people ask is when they stop asking because of the repeated negative response.

[Anonymous]

I shared some and don't regret it. I felt very alone, and have shared with a handful of people, two of which had similar issues that I never knew about. I needed the support, and needed to be able to take the time off work, so I ended up telling my boss, who has been amongst the most supportive of all. That said, we told out parents not to ask incessantly if treatments worked and told them we would tell them when we were ready.

[Anonymous]

We started out with just male factor and then got more diagnosis as we got into IVF. I told my best friend. She has a PhD in Biomedical Sciences. So between her science expertise and her emotional support, I feel like it was the right decision. Even when I decided to do more experimental treatments, she was supportive even when she thought they were crazy. I also told my 3 Sisters-in-Law, two of whom had IVF babies, and one struggled with repeated pregnancy loss before having a single THB. They were a great source of support, especially the one who is also a pharmacist, who would help me figure out when to take what on my medication list--which got really long! I also told my supervisor, who has been my number one cheerleader. It was a calculated risk, but I am happy I did it. It made all the appointments much easier to manage.

And I think that this is probably key: everyone has their own stuff about having children. They are going to put their own stuff on you and you have to figure out if you want to deal with that. I didn't tell my own sister because she had four children in 7 years and we just aren't close that way. I also limited what I told my parents because they are conservative Catholic. I like what a pp said about only tell people you would call crying at 2am.

[Anonymous]

13:23 here: I forgot to say, it was even more special when we finally had a successful FET and I was able to share the news I was pregnant with my best friend and my supervisor from the get go.

[Anonymous]

We also have male factor and at first it was very hard to tell anyone but after the first failed cycle I was so sad that I really needed the support. I don't regret it for moment. Have I broadcasted it? No. But 5 or 6 close friends know, some medium level friends who I see regularly or who I know have also been through it, and my brother and sister. Never regretted it. But be prepared for some people to just be not as supportive as others and be ok with that.