Teens and swearing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Other parents are reading this... you know that right?

OP here. That was the purpose of starting this thread. I wanted other parents to read this and to answer if their teens swear and how they handle it if they do.

I guess the consensus is that I should just let it go?

No I wouldn't let it go.... I think she is swearing maybe because she thinks its cool and is an image of I am a big girl now around my friends.
You should explain to her that there are many ways to prove you are worth of being seen as a grown up and mature.... but swearing is not it. being bitchy or slutty is not it. of taking on a dare and posting inappropriate stuff on instagram is not it. If that's all her friends do, then she needs to be hooked up with better friends..... Sorry, but i think the circle she hangs out is important. Not all kids need to or does swear.


lastly, movies, music, is not helping either. so take it as a teaching moment for her in shaping her out of the influences out there. Set your standards on what you want for your child...

[Anonymous]

I don't mind swearing and I certainly don't try to restrict my kids from doing so.

We discuss when and where and in front of whom swearing is likely to be considered inappropriate, and the probable consequences of using that kind of language under those circumstances, but I don't forbid it.

It's just words. My kids, especially teens, are people and can make their own choices about their own linguistic expression. I'm not going to nitpick their vocabulary.

The less we (society) make things like this taboo, the less attraction they'll likely hold anyway.

The only language we have rules against is language designed specifically to hurt or upset people. Among her friends, it's unlikely the F word is seen as or being used as something truly maliciously negative. However, calling someone a slur or a nasty name like "b!tch" with the intent to be hurtful and insulting would not be allowed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was looking through DD's phone after grounding her for some not okay pictures she posted in Instagram. Looking through her texts and saved snapchats, she swears so much! It's all F this and F that, everything is shitty and everybody (including me, apparently) is a bitch.

She doesn't swear around us, so it was so surprising to find that she has such a potty mouth!

Should I talk to her about this? I don't like the fact that she's swearing so frequently and so often, but I understand that she can say what she wants to say and I have no authority over her speech.

Do your teens swear?

The use of profanity indicates a poor vocabulary and an absence of wit.

Or some fucking bullshit like that.

[Anonymous]

I'm kind of creeped out that you are going through her phone. Do you read her mail too? So, is there anywhere that she is safe from you? Do you listen to her phone conversations and eavesdrop on her conversations with friends in your house?

Maybe you should go to school with her, walk through the halls with her and sit next to her in class. Wait, I've got it, why don't you put a camera on her, like they do with the police, so that she will never have an unmonitored moment away from you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My teen swears, only slightly in front of us though, if he's re-telling a story that includes swearing. I dont say anything to him about it. My 10 year old though, he doesent swear but if he did I'd say something to him about it. Not allowed and not acceptable IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm kind of creeped out that you are going through her phone. Do you read her mail too? So, is there anywhere that she is safe from you? Do you listen to her phone conversations and eavesdrop on her conversations with friends in your house?

Maybe you should go to school with her, walk through the halls with her and sit next to her in class. Wait, I've got it, why don't you put a camera on her, like they do with the police, so that she will never have an unmonitored moment away from you?

Instagram is a public conversation and should be treated that way. Grow up. Did you miss the part where she was taking "inappropriate' pictures and sending them to friends. You lose trust, you lose independence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind swearing and I certainly don't try to restrict my kids from doing so.

We discuss when and where and in front of whom swearing is likely to be considered inappropriate, and the probable consequences of using that kind of language under those circumstances, but I don't forbid it.

It's just words. My kids, especially teens, are people and can make their own choices about their own linguistic expression. I'm not going to nitpick their vocabulary.

The less we (society) make things like this taboo, the less attraction they'll likely hold anyway.

The only language we have rules against is language designed specifically to hurt or upset people. Among her friends, it's unlikely the F word is seen as or being used as something truly maliciously negative. However, calling someone a slur or a nasty name like "b!tch" with the intent to be hurtful and insulting would not be allowed.

I agree with this, and would only add that I tell my kids that they shouldn't send anything via text, email, tweet, facebook, that they wouldn't their mother to see. There is no privacy on the internet. I particularly emphasize the importance of keeping it clean on social media, because employers and colleges can and will use google.

I don't think swearing starts any younger than it used to, FWIW. I was raised in a solidly middle class home by parents who didn't usually use bad language, and we were not allowed to swear at home. Nevertheless, my friends and I began swearing a blue streak in middle school. That was 38 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, my 14 year old swears, but so do I, and so does my husband. And, to a lesser extent, so does my 12 year old.

I'm telling them what my parents told me -- swearing is not something you do "at" other people, or in front of other adults. It's not a substitute for expressing yourself appropriately. But everyone has their own standards, obviously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm kind of creeped out that you are going through her phone. Do you read her mail too? So, is there anywhere that she is safe from you? Do you listen to her phone conversations and eavesdrop on her conversations with friends in your house?

Maybe you should go to school with her, walk through the halls with her and sit next to her in class. Wait, I've got it, why don't you put a camera on her, like they do with the police, so that she will never have an unmonitored moment away from you?

Instagram is a public conversation and should be treated that way. Grow up. Did you miss the part where she was taking "inappropriate' pictures and sending them to friends. You lose trust, you lose independence.

Exactly. Do you even have kids that age, first PP? It is unbelievable the stupid stuff they do and, at that age, they need to be taught how to protect themselves. It's not like photos you posted online go away just because you no longer want them out there.

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

Signed,

A Naive Parent Who Lives in Denial...Ya Know, That River in Egypt.

[Anonymous]

My 12 yo DS has begun swearing...it seems to be part of the culture at his all-boys school. I don't like it and don't allow it in conversation with me and DH. When I observe it, in conversation with his peers for instance, I'm inclined to give him the eyeball, to let him know I don't approve, but there is no consequence beyond that. My 15 yo DD very seldom swears.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind swearing and I certainly don't try to restrict my kids from doing so.

We discuss when and where and in front of whom swearing is likely to be considered inappropriate, and the probable consequences of using that kind of language under those circumstances, but I don't forbid it.

It's just words. My kids, especially teens, are people and can make their own choices about their own linguistic expression. I'm not going to nitpick their vocabulary.

The less we (society) make things like this taboo, the less attraction they'll likely hold anyway.

The only language we have rules against is language designed specifically to hurt or upset people. Among her friends, it's unlikely the F word is seen as or being used as something truly maliciously negative. However, calling someone a slur or a nasty name like "b!tch" with the intent to be hurtful and insulting would not be allowed.

I agree with this, and would only add that I tell my kids that they shouldn't send anything via text, email, tweet, facebook, that they wouldn't their mother to see. There is no privacy on the internet. I particularly emphasize the importance of keeping it clean on social media, because employers and colleges can and will use google.

I don't think swearing starts any younger than it used to, FWIW. I was raised in a solidly middle class home by parents who didn't usually use bad language, and we were not allowed to swear at home. Nevertheless, my friends and I began swearing a blue streak in middle school. That was 38 years ago.

Same, only I am a heck of a lot more liberal than some other people, so they use the same yardstick I do: If my mother, grandmother or great-grandmother would be offended or insulted, it's not ok for me or for them.

[Anonymous]

I also emphasize that a total vocabulary and usable vocabulary are not the same thing. If you swear, use injections inappropriately, use cliches or slang, these become bad habits. Yes, bad habits can be broken, but it's much better to start with good habits and not worry about messing up a presentation or speech.

[Anonymous]

My teen does not swear as part of every day speech. He does not swear on social media. He does not swear in front of other adults. But when he is frustrated or angry at home - stand back! It's never directed at anyone, but it's there.

When I swear, it is under the same circumstances, so the apple doesn't fall far in my house!

I agree with the PPs about knowing your audience and being aware of who can see what you write/hear what you say. Also, certain words are banned regardless - any word that is used to refer to another human in a derogatory manner - or one that may be used in that way- is banned and any use is cause for severe punishment.