I need help in making peace with letting something go

[Anonymous]

Please do not do it publicly. Respect your birthparents right to privacy. In some countries it is shameful to place a child for adoption as it can be viewed very differently and to publicly broadcast it even though its probably your best chance of success may cause more harm and pain than good.

Most parents who place for adoption want the best for their kids and make a very difficult and loving choice to try to give them a better life.

Also, please respect your sister's wishes. If you do this, there is a very good chance you can place her clearance and job and livelihood at risk. We are adoptive parents in a similar situation. We have an open adoption and grandparents who are amazing live in a country we were specifically told we cannot travel to. They can come here but it is a big deal as we have to report it and ask permission (it is granted and fine but there are lots of restrictions on us. We all work around them happily to have a relationship for all our sakes, not just our child but its a lot of work. No way would I go public or allow our child. We'd pay and do it privately.

[Anonymous]

Maybe one way to finding your peace, OP, would be to challenge any potential assumptions that the TV way is going to be the best option for you - it seems like that belief is what's in the way of your peace since it sounds like you have other opportunities to proceed with your search.

I'm sorry for your disappointment and hope that you find what you're looking for. If that includes connection with your birth family, perhaps there could be a special way for you to document it that would be meaningful even if it wasn't choice A.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please do not do it publicly. Respect your birthparents right to privacy. In some countries it is shameful to place a child for adoption as it can be viewed very differently and to publicly broadcast it even though its probably your best chance of success may cause more harm and pain than good.

Most parents who place for adoption want the best for their kids and make a very difficult and loving choice to try to give them a better life.

Also, please respect your sister's wishes. If you do this, there is a very good chance you can place her clearance and job and livelihood at risk. We are adoptive parents in a similar situation. We have an open adoption and grandparents who are amazing live in a country we were specifically told we cannot travel to. They can come here but it is a big deal as we have to report it and ask permission (it is granted and fine but there are lots of restrictions on us. We all work around them happily to have a relationship for all our sakes, not just our child but its a lot of work. No way would I go public or allow our child. We'd pay and do it privately.

After your child turns 18? How is that possible?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to give away too many details, so please bear with me.

The short story is that my sister and I were adopted internationally. We have a chance to publicize our search for our birth family through one of our homeland's national broadcasting companies, as we've been approached by said company to make a documentary. I know other adoptees for whom this strategy has worked and the benefits of participating are well known.

The problem is that my sister refuses to participate as she doesn't want to search in such a public manner (also has job-related concerns because she works in national security) and she's a very private person in general. The broadcasting company won't make the documentary without her since the whole point is that it's compelling because we're twins. Neither side will budge and I feel my chances of finding my birth parents slipping away (I've been searching for years and searching is pretty difficult there).

This chance is one of the things I want most in life and I can't change anyone's mind. How can I make peace in letting this go?

Having no personal experience on either side, I've always been curious why adoptees are often so interested in finding their birth parents. Apparently, the bio parents had compelling reasons to give you away. Wouldn't it make sense to divert your loyalty to your adoptive parents?