Why British men are reluctant to marry

[Anonymous]

A friend of mine supported her husband for YEARS when he didn't have a job. He left her and is trying to take half her money, including her pension. I find that outrageous. She's supported his lazy ass for years and now she has to support him some more, and put her own retirement at risk?

I've never been a big fan of alimony, and I'd expect to have prenups in place if I married. It's bad enough to divorce and go through all that pain without also losing the stuff you worked so hard to build up independently of the marriage.

[Anonymous]

I am just laughing at all this bellyaching about men losing money. Listen, men, you are falling behind women. We are getting degrees at higher rates and only misogyny and the marriage penalty for women in the workplace is keeping your status as higher earning half secure. That will change. If anything, it is women who have to worry about financial matters in marriage, especially if we have children. How many deadbeat dads exist in the world? Deadbeat moms are a rare species.

Constantly carrying on about how much men stand to lose in marriage is silly and doesn't take into account the changing reality. There are plenty of women nowadays paying ne'er do well husbands alimony, and joint custody is increasingly the norm over sole custody. Often, sole custody is awarded because the husband didn't want custody lest he cramp his new bachelor lifestyle.

Besides, marriage is not compulsory. Stay single. Die earlier. Studies show unmarried men are shortlived across the board in comparison to married women, single women, and married men. Single women, however, live longest. So, you are doing us women a favor by not marrying us, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine supported her husband for YEARS when he didn't have a job. He left her and is trying to take half her money, including her pension. I find that outrageous. She's supported his lazy ass for years and now she has to support him some more, and put her own retirement at risk?

I've never been a big fan of alimony, and I'd expect to have prenups in place if I married. It's bad enough to divorce and go through all that pain without also losing the stuff you worked so hard to build up independently of the marriage.

Your friend's experience is what many men have been through and are still going through when their non-working wives leave the marriage. Tough when the shoe is on the other foot, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am just laughing at all this bellyaching about men losing money. Listen, men, you are falling behind women. We are getting degrees at higher rates and only misogyny and the marriage penalty for women in the workplace is keeping your status as higher earning half secure. That will change. If anything, it is women who have to worry about financial matters in marriage, especially if we have children. How many deadbeat dads exist in the world? Deadbeat moms are a rare species.

Constantly carrying on about how much men stand to lose in marriage is silly and doesn't take into account the changing reality. There are plenty of women nowadays paying ne'er do well husbands alimony, and joint custody is increasingly the norm over sole custody. Often, sole custody is awarded because the husband didn't want custody lest he cramp his new bachelor lifestyle.

Besides, marriage is not compulsory. Stay single. Die earlier. Studies show unmarried men are shortlived across the board in comparison to married women, single women, and married men. Single women, however, live longest. So, you are doing us women a favor by not marrying us, lol.

Believe what you wish but it is women who usually crave marriage ...... not men. A friend of mine, now in his fifties, complains that he has to end relations with women he goes out with because in a matter of months these women want to know where the relationship is headed - in other words when will they get married. He has no intention of marrying and risk losing half his assets in an acrimonious divorce. So he just dumps them when they start to bug him about it and moves on to the next one. There are plenty of fish in the ocean ....... he can have his pick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am just laughing at all this bellyaching about men losing money. Listen, men, you are falling behind women. We are getting degrees at higher rates and only misogyny and the marriage penalty for women in the workplace is keeping your status as higher earning half secure. That will change. If anything, it is women who have to worry about financial matters in marriage, especially if we have children. How many deadbeat dads exist in the world? Deadbeat moms are a rare species.

Constantly carrying on about how much men stand to lose in marriage is silly and doesn't take into account the changing reality. There are plenty of women nowadays paying ne'er do well husbands alimony, and joint custody is increasingly the norm over sole custody. Often, sole custody is awarded because the husband didn't want custody lest he cramp his new bachelor lifestyle.

Besides, marriage is not compulsory. Stay single. Die earlier. Studies show unmarried men are shortlived across the board in comparison to married women, single women, and married men. Single women, however, live longest. So, you are doing us women a favor by not marrying us, lol.

Believe what you wish but it is women who usually crave marriage ...... not men. A friend of mine, now in his fifties, complains that he has to end relations with women he goes out with because in a matter of months these women want to know where the relationship is headed - in other words when will they get married. He has no intention of marrying and risk losing half his assets in an acrimonious divorce. So he just dumps them when they start to bug him about it and moves on to the next one. There are plenty of fish in the ocean ....... he can have his pick.

Yea, no doubt your paunchy 50-something year old friend and his sagging, shriveled balls are just beating the ladies off with a stick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am just laughing at all this bellyaching about men losing money. Listen, men, you are falling behind women. We are getting degrees at higher rates and only misogyny and the marriage penalty for women in the workplace is keeping your status as higher earning half secure. That will change. If anything, it is women who have to worry about financial matters in marriage, especially if we have children. How many deadbeat dads exist in the world? Deadbeat moms are a rare species.

Constantly carrying on about how much men stand to lose in marriage is silly and doesn't take into account the changing reality. There are plenty of women nowadays paying ne'er do well husbands alimony, and joint custody is increasingly the norm over sole custody. Often, sole custody is awarded because the husband didn't want custody lest he cramp his new bachelor lifestyle.

Besides, marriage is not compulsory. Stay single. Die earlier. Studies show unmarried men are shortlived across the board in comparison to married women, single women, and married men. Single women, however, live longest. So, you are doing us women a favor by not marrying us, lol.

With that kind of reasoning, I feel it for your (future) guy.....and your finger (if you don't already have a lifetime supply of sex toys). The issue is not about 'staying single = not having a partner at all' The issue is about signing a marriage contract or not! So it is the contract that is of issue here.

When you can articulate the sampling procedure of those 'studies' then we can have a discussion on what "studies show"

I remember in grad school the many women who boasted about men falling behind. Now where are they....? Getting degrees at higher rates says nothing about the quality of degrees, it just says enrollment is up thanks to numerical majority....so don't get ahead of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Men will continue to marry because it's their only avenue for having children and enjoying uninterrupted access to them. Women control procreation and don't need a steady male presence in their life to get a child. But for a man who wants to have children in his life, the key is to find a cooperating female, since there are no egg banks for men, and surrogate parenthood/single father adoptions aren't common or accessible to many.

For as long as marriage is the condition of children, men will have to marry.

[Anonymous]

Forgot to add that men who don't want to have children obviously don't need to marry. But if they do want children, marriage is the price.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men will continue to marry because it's their only avenue for having children and enjoying uninterrupted access to them. Women control procreation and don't need a steady male presence in their life to get a child. But for a man who wants to have children in his life, the key is to find a cooperating female, since there are no egg banks for men, and surrogate parenthood/single father adoptions aren't common or accessible to many.

For as long as marriage is the condition of children, men will have to marry.

Can't believe I just read this BS. Men don't need the security of marriage to have kids...women do!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men will continue to marry because it's their only avenue for having children and enjoying uninterrupted access to them. Women control procreation and don't need a steady male presence in their life to get a child. But for a man who wants to have children in his life, the key is to find a cooperating female, since there are no egg banks for men, and surrogate parenthood/single father adoptions aren't common or accessible to many.

For as long as marriage is the condition of children, men will have to marry.

Can't believe I just read this BS. Men don't need the security of marriage to have kids...women do!

Reality shows otherwise - how many single fathers by choice do you see?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men will continue to marry because it's their only avenue for having children and enjoying uninterrupted access to them. Women control procreation and don't need a steady male presence in their life to get a child. But for a man who wants to have children in his life, the key is to find a cooperating female, since there are no egg banks for men, and surrogate parenthood/single father adoptions aren't common or accessible to many.

For as long as marriage is the condition of children, men will have to marry.

Can't believe I just read this BS. Men don't need the security of marriage to have kids...women do!

Reality shows otherwise - how many single fathers by choice do you see?

Bingo.

But let's not turn this into men versus women. The fact is that the damaged men posting in this thread are not the ones any quality woman is looking to for marriage. I briefly dated a man like the goofballs in this thread. So worried about his money being taken in a divorce. I dumped him quickly, moved on to my now-husband, and am now happily married with children. I also earn a lot as a big law attorney, as does my husband in sales. Meanwhile, the years have not been kind to the douchebag I dumped. I kept in touch with him because he refused to stop e-mailing me periodically. Well, he lost his high income when he was laid off during the recession. He is now in his 50s, going back to school, and painfully single. He has also lost the good looks he once had -- hair is thin, waistline has spread, wrinkles have set in from years of drinking too much and being bitter towards women, lol. Recently, he told me that he wondered what his life might have been like if he had married me and if his kids were mine. I changed the subject because the thought of being married to him was too horrible to dwell on. This is real. The 50s are lonely for most people, talk less of those who frittered away their prime years paranoidly guarding their money from an imagined horde of gold diggers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Bingo. But let's not turn this into men versus women. The fact is that the damaged men posting in this thread are not the ones any quality woman is looking to for marriage. I briefly dated a man like the goofballs in this thread. So worried about his money being taken in a divorce. I dumped him quickly, moved on to my now-husband, and am now happily married with children. I also earn a lot as a big law attorney, as does my husband in sales. Meanwhile, the years have not been kind to the douchebag I dumped. I kept in touch with him because he refused to stop e-mailing me periodically. Well, he lost his high income when he was laid off during the recession. He is now in his 50s, going back to school, and painfully single. He has also lost the good looks he once had -- hair is thin, waistline has spread, wrinkles have set in from years of drinking too much and being bitter towards women, lol. Recently, he told me that he wondered what his life might have been like if he had married me and if his kids were mine. I changed the subject because the thought of being married to him was too horrible to dwell on. This is real. The 50s are lonely for most people, talk less of those who frittered away their prime years paranoidly guarding their money from an imagined horde of gold diggers.

It's either you are still hurt by that 'goofball' or as a DAMAGED 'big law attorney' you seem to think that life is monolithic and everyone's life should follow a traditional path to marriage and family.

The world isn't responsible for what went wrong with you and your ex, and I suggest you compartmentalize accordingly (and stick to lobbying instead of trying to comment authoritatively on Family Law).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Bingo. But let's not turn this into men versus women. The fact is that the damaged men posting in this thread are not the ones any quality woman is looking to for marriage. I briefly dated a man like the goofballs in this thread. So worried about his money being taken in a divorce. I dumped him quickly, moved on to my now-husband, and am now happily married with children. I also earn a lot as a big law attorney, as does my husband in sales. Meanwhile, the years have not been kind to the douchebag I dumped. I kept in touch with him because he refused to stop e-mailing me periodically. Well, he lost his high income when he was laid off during the recession. He is now in his 50s, going back to school, and painfully single. He has also lost the good looks he once had -- hair is thin, waistline has spread, wrinkles have set in from years of drinking too much and being bitter towards women, lol. Recently, he told me that he wondered what his life might have been like if he had married me and if his kids were mine. I changed the subject because the thought of being married to him was too horrible to dwell on. This is real. The 50s are lonely for most people, talk less of those who frittered away their prime years paranoidly guarding their money from an imagined horde of gold diggers.

It's either you are still hurt by that 'goofball' or as a DAMAGED 'big law attorney' you seem to think that life is monolithic and everyone's life should follow a traditional path to marriage and family.

The world isn't responsible for what went wrong with you and your ex, and I suggest you compartmentalize accordingly (and stick to lobbying instead of trying to comment authoritatively on Family Law).

^^Lonely 60 year old man. Don't worry, there's viagra for the ED. Too bad viagra can't make women stop viewing you as a nasty old man they would never want to date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Bingo. But let's not turn this into men versus women. The fact is that the damaged men posting in this thread are not the ones any quality woman is looking to for marriage. I briefly dated a man like the goofballs in this thread. So worried about his money being taken in a divorce. I dumped him quickly, moved on to my now-husband, and am now happily married with children. I also earn a lot as a big law attorney, as does my husband in sales. Meanwhile, the years have not been kind to the douchebag I dumped. I kept in touch with him because he refused to stop e-mailing me periodically. Well, he lost his high income when he was laid off during the recession. He is now in his 50s, going back to school, and painfully single. He has also lost the good looks he once had -- hair is thin, waistline has spread, wrinkles have set in from years of drinking too much and being bitter towards women, lol. Recently, he told me that he wondered what his life might have been like if he had married me and if his kids were mine. I changed the subject because the thought of being married to him was too horrible to dwell on. This is real. The 50s are lonely for most people, talk less of those who frittered away their prime years paranoidly guarding their money from an imagined horde of gold diggers.

It's either you are still hurt by that 'goofball' or as a DAMAGED 'big law attorney' you seem to think that life is monolithic and everyone's life should follow a traditional path to marriage and family.

The world isn't responsible for what went wrong with you and your ex, and I suggest you compartmentalize accordingly (and stick to lobbying instead of trying to comment authoritatively on Family Law).

^^Lonely 60 year old man. Don't worry, there's viagra for the ED. Too bad viagra can't make women stop viewing you as a nasty old man they would never want to date.

Heed your own words...you know neither my age or gender...BUT we all can see how bitter you are, and your legal analytical skills are obviously lacking here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Bingo. But let's not turn this into men versus women. The fact is that the damaged men posting in this thread are not the ones any quality woman is looking to for marriage. I briefly dated a man like the goofballs in this thread. So worried about his money being taken in a divorce. I dumped him quickly, moved on to my now-husband, and am now happily married with children. I also earn a lot as a big law attorney, as does my husband in sales. Meanwhile, the years have not been kind to the douchebag I dumped. I kept in touch with him because he refused to stop e-mailing me periodically. Well, he lost his high income when he was laid off during the recession. He is now in his 50s, going back to school, and painfully single. He has also lost the good looks he once had -- hair is thin, waistline has spread, wrinkles have set in from years of drinking too much and being bitter towards women, lol. Recently, he told me that he wondered what his life might have been like if he had married me and if his kids were mine. I changed the subject because the thought of being married to him was too horrible to dwell on. This is real. The 50s are lonely for most people, talk less of those who frittered away their prime years paranoidly guarding their money from an imagined horde of gold diggers.

It's either you are still hurt by that 'goofball' or as a DAMAGED 'big law attorney' you seem to think that life is monolithic and everyone's life should follow a traditional path to marriage and family.

The world isn't responsible for what went wrong with you and your ex, and I suggest you compartmentalize accordingly (and stick to lobbying instead of trying to comment authoritatively on Family Law).

Not the PP but we already agreed that men who don't want children have no compelling reason to marry. If men DO want to have children and enjoy uninterrupted access to them, marriage is the ticket. That's the truth.