He hates me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I believe him, and I think he'd win it

OP, you have indicated that you believe that you are a bad mother. Its clear that your husband is saying this to you, but aside from that, what evidence do you have to support this idea? It is VERY hard to prove that a parent is unfit--

do you hit the child?
do you ignore the child when child is hungry/wet?
can you describe incidents that you feel demonstrate you are an unfit mother? do you have drug or alcohol issues? criminal record?

Because if not, I think you've somehow come to believe your husband's hateful words

I would see a lawyer asap. Women's center, whatever. you need to get out.

It sounds like he's the one who needs to get out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I believe him, and I think he'd win it

OP, you have indicated that you believe that you are a bad mother. Its clear that your husband is saying this to you, but aside from that, what evidence do you have to support this idea? It is VERY hard to prove that a parent is unfit--

do you hit the child?
do you ignore the child when child is hungry/wet?
can you describe incidents that you feel demonstrate you are an unfit mother? do you have drug or alcohol issues? criminal record?

Because if not, I think you've somehow come to believe your husband's hateful words

I would see a lawyer asap. Women's center, whatever. you need to get out.

I had/have ppd. I did the counseling thing, tried meds, but the counselor said my "lack of social support" was the greatest obstacle to me getting better. That part has not gotten better, and although I believe I am about 80% better now, but DH does not believe I am healthy enough to take care of a child. I never attempted suicide or even threatened it, but I did make comments early on that I felt my life was over. He has admitted he will use those words against me.

[Anonymous]

I had/have ppd. I did the counseling thing, tried meds, but the counselor said my "lack of social support" was the greatest obstacle to me getting better. That part has not gotten better, and although I believe I am about 80% better now, but DH does not believe I am healthy enough to take care of a child. I never attempted suicide or even threatened it, but I did make comments early on that I felt my life was over. He has admitted he will use those words against me.

Did you write those words down on an email? if not, it's his words against yours. And it's nonsense anyway.

OP, you need help. There's a women's support center in Vienna. Reach out to them.

[Anonymous]

Saying that you felt your life was over after having a baby doesn't even come close (not even in the same stratosphere) of being an unfit mother. No judge would ever take that as evidence.

If you've done illegal drugs in front of your kid, left child alone for hours and hours on end, put your cigarette out on your kid's skin, withheld food for several meals as a punishment...THOSE are examples of what an unfit parent does. Feeling overwhelmed and managing PPD are not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I believe him, and I think he'd win it

OP, you have indicated that you believe that you are a bad mother. Its clear that your husband is saying this to you, but aside from that, what evidence do you have to support this idea? It is VERY hard to prove that a parent is unfit--

do you hit the child?
do you ignore the child when child is hungry/wet?
can you describe incidents that you feel demonstrate you are an unfit mother? do you have drug or alcohol issues? criminal record?

Because if not, I think you've somehow come to believe your husband's hateful words

I would see a lawyer asap. Women's center, whatever. you need to get out.

It sounds like he's the one who needs to get out.

PP, you sound disturbed. I hope you'll stop posting these vicious comments in response to this clearly-vulnerable OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what if he calls you selfish. Take a Saturday or Sunday off and leave the kid with his father.
Try to enlist the help of your mother or MIL.

I am, I guess. He told me he doesn't understand why I'd want any alone time, but really, I'm drowning. And I know our moms didn't have the luxury of alone time, and they managed, so why can't I? He's right, I am selfish.

Um no, my mother had alone time. I remember my father taking us out for movie matinees so my mother could do what ever it was that she did.

Was your mother also in an abusive relationship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP talk to a lawyer. NOW. You are basing your reality on what a jackass tells you. You have no reason to believe he would get full custody other than what he has told you. Unless he is a family attorney who handles divorce and custody cases every day, he has no idea what he's talking about. Get real facts from someone who does this for a living.

This is the best advice you could get, OP.

And your husband should hide his face in shame for the way he talks to you. Telling his wife to STFU? Telling you he hates you, and you're stupid, and all that?

If my husband told me "I hate you, you're stupid", I'd tell him "You're welcome to leave right now and to find someone you don't consider stupid".

Make a plan to get out. Don't believe what he tells you. You're just his emotional punching ball, that's why he tells you that. He doesn't want to lose someone convenient to abuse with impunity.

I'm so sorry you're going through that.

[Anonymous]

OMG, OP, get out now. You are probably not a bad mother. That sounds like the results of someone telling you you are a bad mother. We all just do the best we can. Please leave. I'm the child of an abusive father. My mother left my dad and took us 3 girls with her, and we were broke, but we were also secure in knowing that there would be a new kind of stability. You can do this. You have to do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I believe him, and I think he'd win it

OP, you have indicated that you believe that you are a bad mother. Its clear that your husband is saying this to you, but aside from that, what evidence do you have to support this idea? It is VERY hard to prove that a parent is unfit--

do you hit the child?
do you ignore the child when child is hungry/wet?
can you describe incidents that you feel demonstrate you are an unfit mother? do you have drug or alcohol issues? criminal record?

Because if not, I think you've somehow come to believe your husband's hateful words

I would see a lawyer asap. Women's center, whatever. you need to get out.

I had/have ppd. I did the counseling thing, tried meds, but the counselor said my "lack of social support" was the greatest obstacle to me getting better. That part has not gotten better, and although I believe I am about 80% better now, but DH does not believe I am healthy enough to take care of a child. I never attempted suicide or even threatened it, but I did make comments early on that I felt my life was over. He has admitted he will use those words against me.

I also suspect that you have jackass-husband induced depression.

Do make a plan to get out. For your child's sake if for nothing else. Do you want him to grow up like his father? Because he will, if you stay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I believe him, and I think he'd win it


OP, you have indicated that you believe that you are a bad mother. Its clear that your husband is saying this to you, but aside from that, what evidence do you have to support this idea? It is VERY hard to prove that a parent is unfit--

do you hit the child?
do you ignore the child when child is hungry/wet?
can you describe incidents that you feel demonstrate you are an unfit mother? do you have drug or alcohol issues? criminal record?

Because if not, I think you've somehow come to believe your husband's hateful words

I would see a lawyer asap. Women's center, whatever. you need to get out.

It sounds like he's the one who needs to get out.

PP, you sound disturbed. I hope you'll stop posting these vicious comments in response to this clearly-vulnerable OP.

I think the PP who made the comment "he needs to get out" meant that he is the one who should be leaving the home, not OP. I believe it was meant in support of OP>

[Anonymous]

OP, your smartphone has a voice recording app. Start recording his most vicious attacks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I believe him, and I think he'd win it

OP, you have indicated that you believe that you are a bad mother. Its clear that your husband is saying this to you, but aside from that, what evidence do you have to support this idea? It is VERY hard to prove that a parent is unfit--

do you hit the child?
do you ignore the child when child is hungry/wet?
can you describe incidents that you feel demonstrate you are an unfit mother? do you have drug or alcohol issues? criminal record?

Because if not, I think you've somehow come to believe your husband's hateful words

I would see a lawyer asap. Women's center, whatever. you need to get out.

I had/have ppd. I did the counseling thing, tried meds, but the counselor said my "lack of social support" was the greatest obstacle to me getting better. That part has not gotten better, and although I believe I am about 80% better now, but DH does not believe I am healthy enough to take care of a child. I never attempted suicide or even threatened it, but I did make comments early on that I felt my life was over. He has admitted he will use those words against me.

That will never work. You have documented PPD, you sought help with a counselor. No way in hell you'd lose custody for that. The judge just might call him out, as a matter of fact.

[Anonymous]

ALL piece of shit husbands claim they will get the house and the kids. NOT TRUE. Go see a lawyer as soon as possible.

Put your big girl panties on and stop letting him beat you down verbally. He thinks he can talk to you like that but what he doesn't know is one call to the police saying I'm afraid will get ugly mouth arrested. You never have to be afraid in your own home. That is BULLSHIT and not acceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ALL piece of shit husbands claim they will get the house and the kids. NOT TRUE. Go see a lawyer as soon as possible.

Put your big girl panties on and stop letting him beat you down verbally. He thinks he can talk to you like that but what he doesn't know is one call to the police saying I'm afraid will get ugly mouth arrested. You never have to be afraid in your own home. That is BULLSHIT and not acceptable.

NOT helpful.

[Anonymous]

Why do you say you are a "bad" mother OP? Is it due to your husband making you feel as if you are one? Because that term is very subjective + if your husband is telling you this over and over, it can really start to screw w/your mindset.

You sound like a wonderful mother to me. Reason being...You are stating that you want your child to have a good life and are looking at how things would be if you didn't have a husband around. A bad mother wouldn't give a care.

This speaks volumes to your feelings toward your baby.

As for the husband, I am sure he will apologize + expect you to move on from his hurtful words. And you may. But never completely.

I would take a good, hard look at your options. Anything has got to be better than staying w/a man who berates you + criticizes you to such an extreme.

Plus, no one should be telling you that they hate you. Mostly your own husband. He should have your back.

So sorry this happened, but know you will be okay and so will your child if you do decide to leave.