If you could go back to when they were 7 - would you change anything or do it over again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have to go back to age three- and I just do not have the energy frankly.

It's that bad?

I am 50, the thought of starting over at this time of life is exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading these admissions threads already have me feeling nauseous. If you were me, with a highly-distracted 7 year old who is going to be a challenge to get to focus on either sports or a musical instrument, and you could go back in time and do something differently (or the same, if it worked out well) -- what would you do over or do differently?

Move to a region of the country, like southern California, where your children can be outdoors all year, where there are people from many backgrounds and walks of life, where the people do all sorts of different things, and where everyone is generally happier, and certainly less intense.

I think LA is just as much of a rat race re HS/college admissions as Metro DC is at this point. Endless resume building and schlepping kids to lessons and academic pressure. My sibs still live in CA and their kids are confronting the same issues and attitudes there that mine are here.

I had one child go through high school in L.A. and another in DC, and have spent considerable time raising my children in both places. No comparison, the west coast is a much more relaxed, open, outdoors, less stressful, less scheduled, more independent, diverse and adventurous place to raise children. I wish we could have stayed there throughout our DCs' entire childhood years.

[Anonymous]

This column is so a propos to this topic

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/04/12/opinion/sunday/frank-bruni-best-brightest-and-saddest.html?_r=0

I am in the same place as OP with young children, wondering how best to support their efforts and also their well being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would go further back and choose a far, far better man to be my husband and the father of my children.

Me too or realize sooner how mean he is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading these admissions threads already have me feeling nauseous. If you were me, with a highly-distracted 7 year old who is going to be a challenge to get to focus on either sports or a musical instrument, and you could go back in time and do something differently (or the same, if it worked out well) -- what would you do over or do differently?

Move to a region of the country, like southern California, where your children can be outdoors all year, where there are people from many backgrounds and walks of life, where the people do all sorts of different things, and where everyone is generally happier, and certainly less intense.

I think LA is just as much of a rat race re HS/college admissions as Metro DC is at this point. Endless resume building and schlepping kids to lessons and academic pressure. My sibs still live in CA and their kids are confronting the same issues and attitudes there that mine are here.

I had one child go through high school in L.A. and another in DC, and have spent considerable time raising my children in both places. No comparison, the west coast is a much more relaxed, open, outdoors, less stressful, less scheduled, more independent, diverse and adventurous place to raise children. I wish we could have stayed there throughout our DCs' entire childhood years.

Not really. Maybe in some regions. Areas of LA and SF may be diverse, but most of the West Coast is pretty darn white and Christian.

[Anonymous]

I really wouldn't change anything. My eldest will not be going to an elite college (or, rather, the only "elite" college on the application list for next fall is W&M--you can decide whether you think they are elite), but he is a terrific kid, easy to get along with, fun and funny, has given us no trouble in high school. He has done well (if not stellar) in school and has very good (though not great) test scores. But he has great intellectual curiosity and is a great writer. I have no doubt that he will find a satisfying career and be a productive member of society. Not sure how much of that is due to DH and me and how much of that is just him, but whatever!

My younger child is in 6th grade. A good student, but too soon to tell whether he will be an "elite"-caliber student or not. I don't think it matters one way or another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would go further back and choose a far, far better man to be my husband and the father of my children.

Me too or realize sooner how mean he is.

This is very sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reading these admissions threads already have me feeling nauseous. If you were me, with a highly-distracted 7 year old who is going to be a challenge to get to focus on either sports or a musical instrument, and you could go back in time and do something differently (or the same, if it worked out well) -- what would you do over or do differently?

First of all, if you are worried about your 7 year old and college, you have a larger problem. You just need to stop the madness. This isn't a competition where the winner gets into Harvard. The sooner you learn that, the happier you and your child would be.

The one thing I would change is that I would have learned that.

Why would you force a 7 year old who doesn't want to do these things to do them? Why would you get bent out of shape about it? He's 7!

If this distraction interferes with his ability to perform in school or socialize, have him evaluated for ADHD. Many kids with ADHD are diagnosed in 3rd grade because of the increased demands that year.

But please stop reading these discussions about college. It isn;t healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reading these admissions threads already have me feeling nauseous. If you were me, with a highly-distracted 7 year old who is going to be a challenge to get to focus on either sports or a musical instrument, and you could go back in time and do something differently (or the same, if it worked out well) -- what would you do over or do differently?

I would not insist on the musical instrument being 'orchestra-material'. Let DC play electric guitar or whatever. I'd also look for non-traditional sports, maybe ultimate frisbee or skateboarding. things where a lapse of attention are immediately felt, and with fewer 'rules'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading these admissions threads already have me feeling nauseous. If you were me, with a highly-distracted 7 year old who is going to be a challenge to get to focus on either sports or a musical instrument, and you could go back in time and do something differently (or the same, if it worked out well) -- what would you do over or do differently?

I would not insist on the musical instrument being 'orchestra-material'. Let DC play electric guitar or whatever. I'd also look for non-traditional sports, maybe ultimate frisbee or skateboarding. things where a lapse of attention are immediately felt, and with fewer 'rules'

7 year olds don't need to focus on sports or music lessons. Let him play if he wants to, skip if he doesn't. Reassess in a year or two.

Think about your child's interests and strengths and help him find opportunities that play to them. But at 7 (or 8 or 9) if he only wants to run around and do whatever, then that is FINE. Really.

The thing I am most glad I did with my kids is read to them. We read every night almost without fail. I've read my boys everything from Harry Potter to the Little House books to (appropriate) New Yorker articles. I still read to my 6th grader every night and often my 17 year old listens in as well. I love sitting in bed with them, an opportunity to snuggle, ask questions, talk, sometimes not about the book we are reading at all. We can read about difficult situations and talk about them. We can read funny books and laugh. I am convinced that reading aloud has enriched their minds, deepened their innate curiosity and creativity, improved their listening and critical thinking skills, instilled a love of language and literature, and enhanced their own desire to read and seek information and entertainment from books. It has also been a great boon to our relationship, helped keep us close and connected, something that is so important in the early teen years. These are the moments I have treasured the most.

[Anonymous]

Op here - thanks pp - you paint a beautiful picture of a lovely tradition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading these admissions threads already have me feeling nauseous. If you were me, with a highly-distracted 7 year old who is going to be a challenge to get to focus on either sports or a musical instrument, and you could go back in time and do something differently (or the same, if it worked out well) -- what would you do over or do differently?

Move to a region of the country, like southern California, where your children can be outdoors all year, where there are people from many backgrounds and walks of life, where the people do all sorts of different things, and where everyone is generally happier, and certainly less intense.

I think LA is just as much of a rat race re HS/college admissions as Metro DC is at this point. Endless resume building and schlepping kids to lessons and academic pressure. My sibs still live in CA and their kids are confronting the same issues and attitudes there that mine are here.

I had one child go through high school in L.A. and another in DC, and have spent considerable time raising my children in both places. No comparison, the west coast is a much more relaxed, open, outdoors, less stressful, less scheduled, more independent, diverse and adventurous place to raise children. I wish we could have stayed there throughout our DCs' entire childhood years.

Not really. Maybe in some regions. Areas of LA and SF may be diverse, but most of the West Coast is pretty darn white and Christian.

What? How are these things mutually exclusive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading these admissions threads already have me feeling nauseous. If you were me, with a highly-distracted 7 year old who is going to be a challenge to get to focus on either sports or a musical instrument, and you could go back in time and do something differently (or the same, if it worked out well) -- what would you do over or do differently?

Move to a region of the country, like southern California, where your children can be outdoors all year, where there are people from many backgrounds and walks of life, where the people do all sorts of different things, and where everyone is generally happier, and certainly less intense.

I think LA is just as much of a rat race re HS/college admissions as Metro DC is at this point. Endless resume building and schlepping kids to lessons and academic pressure. My sibs still live in CA and their kids are confronting the same issues and attitudes there that mine are here.

I had one child go through high school in L.A. and another in DC, and have spent considerable time raising my children in both places. No comparison, the west coast is a much more relaxed, open, outdoors, less stressful, less scheduled, more independent, diverse and adventurous place to raise children. I wish we could have stayed there throughout our DCs' entire childhood years.

Not really. Maybe in some regions. Areas of LA and SF may be diverse, but most of the West Coast is pretty darn white and Christian.

I was referring L.A. metro, which is the very definition of diverse in this country.


What? How are these things mutually exclusive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading these admissions threads already have me feeling nauseous. If you were me, with a highly-distracted 7 year old who is going to be a challenge to get to focus on either sports or a musical instrument, and you could go back in time and do something differently (or the same, if it worked out well) -- what would you do over or do differently?

Move to a region of the country, like southern California, where your children can be outdoors all year, where there are people from many backgrounds and walks of life, where the people do all sorts of different things, and where everyone is generally happier, and certainly less intense.

I think LA is just as much of a rat race re HS/college admissions as Metro DC is at this point. Endless resume building and schlepping kids to lessons and academic pressure. My sibs still live in CA and their kids are confronting the same issues and attitudes there that mine are here.

I had one child go through high school in L.A. and another in DC, and have spent considerable time raising my children in both places. No comparison, the west coast is a much more relaxed, open, outdoors, less stressful, less scheduled, more independent, diverse and adventurous place to raise children. I wish we could have stayed there throughout our DCs' entire childhood years.

Not really. Maybe in some regions. Areas of LA and SF may be diverse, but most of the West Coast is pretty darn white and Christian.

I was referring to L.A. metro, which is the very definition of diverse in this country. San Francisco is right up there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading these admissions threads already have me feeling nauseous. If you were me, with a highly-distracted 7 year old who is going to be a challenge to get to focus on either sports or a musical instrument, and you could go back in time and do something differently (or the same, if it worked out well) -- what would you do over or do differently?

Move to a region of the country, like southern California, where your children can be outdoors all year, where there are people from many backgrounds and walks of life, where the people do all sorts of different things, and where everyone is generally happier, and certainly less intense.

I think LA is just as much of a rat race re HS/college admissions as Metro DC is at this point. Endless resume building and schlepping kids to lessons and academic pressure. My sibs still live in CA and their kids are confronting the same issues and attitudes there that mine are here.

I had one child go through high school in L.A. and another in DC, and have spent considerable time raising my children in both places. No comparison, the west coast is a much more relaxed, open, outdoors, less stressful, less scheduled, more independent, diverse and adventurous place to raise children. I wish we could have stayed there throughout our DCs' entire childhood years.

LA is not more "diverse" than the Washington DC greater metro area. They're both ridiculously and wonderfully diverse in every definition of that word.