jealous of more beautiful sister?

[Anonymous]

OP - I am the prettier one in the face between my sis and me. But she is more educated and way better off financially. Because of the latter, she is able to buy nicer, better quality clothes.

We are both married with kids, but I think I have the healthier marriage, for sure.

Body wise, we both look good, but hers is more lean.

Point is, you think being prettier is EVERYTHING, when really it isn't. Its all perspective. Please focus on yourself and focus way less on your sibling. This is the real reason you haven't found true happiness, and its not her fault.

[Anonymous]

NP here. I never had a sister, but I have two tween DDs and I worry about this. One is clearly--in the eyes of society--better looking.

I've known a few adult sister pairs and the one that really comes to mind is a pair where one put all her emphasis on looks, and the other on brains, and they seemed to do things to reinforce that (like the brainy one wore the most unflattering clothes and had a horrible haircut and hid herself under strange glasses, and the other one seemed to steer away from anything intellectually deep.

I know that sibs like to differentiate --e.g. if one sprints well, the other says she's the long-distance runner--but the whole beauty thing is upsetting; I don't want one being the beauty to the exclusion of other things, and the other going to other things at the exclusion of trying to look good.

Any advice from all you sisters? (I'm not trying to hijack the post but sounds like the advice would help OP too)

TIA

[Anonymous]

my sister is younger and more attractive than me. I am average weight, she is very thin almost skinny which is a more desireable look these days. She is cuter in the face and more social than I am as well. We are both pretty professionally successful and have good relationships.

Strangely, I have never been jealous of her being more attractive than I am, except for maybe when we were kids. I don't know why, we both are really not competitive about things, and I never resented the fact she had (and still has) tons of guys going after her. But, she is a genuine and good person, I may be more resentful if she was shallow and spoiled.

My advice to OP would be to focus on your own happiness and self - confidence and try to foster a good relationship with your sister. Remember it's not her fault she is blessed in the genetic lottery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Shoe on the other foot here -- I am tall, thin, thick hair, and 10 years younger than my short, chunky, thin-haired sister. And I always will be! Nothing Can change it! But I still need a good sister -- not someone who is cold and distant because of superficial genetic differences over which we have no control!

Okay. What does she need? Are you that, to her?

[Anonymous]

My sister is three years older than me. She's tiny, beautiful, and really smart. It was hard when I was a freshman and she was a senior in high school, I just felt so awkward around her. I am slender, but I am about 5 inches taller than she is and I had horrible acne as a teen. I also have learning disabilities and as I said school came so easy for her.

I am 25 now and I love myself and my life. I have the greatest husband ever, my skin is now beautiful and I've learned to appreciate my height. My sister is doing great too, she's a doctor and has a nice boyfriend. You just need to learn to love yourself. You will live a different life than your sister, but it doesn't mean it will be any less wonderful.

[Anonymous]

I have always been the prettier sister. I have better skin, a prettier face and a better figure. I am also way more outgoing than my sister. Sis and I are now in our 50s. I have been divorced twice and she has been happily married for decades to a very successful man. They have way more money than I do and all that implies. I've always had tons of men hit on me, but have had trouble distinguishing the wheat from the chaff because men know what to say and there are some who will just say what they need to say to win you over. On the other hand, my sister had far fewer men go after her, but they were all genuinely interested in her as a person. Sure it's fun to have all that attention, but getting free drinks or gifts from men doesn't even compare to having a spouse who loves you and will be there for you and the children.

[Anonymous]

Meh, in my experience being prettier than my average looking sister is overrated. Id trade my looks for her brilliance, drive and calm cool demeanor in a heartbeat. Looks fade faster than cognitive skills. I have IQ image issues like a bulimic has body image issues. In my family, pretty and girly was wasnt valued but smart got you treated like a celebrity.

Im 40 now and I cant believe how quickly my prime years went...looks are fading but I knew it would happen. What I would give for 50 more IQ points and a career that puts me in the media and sends me around the world. And yhe ability to read and digest complex academic writings. Smart is fulfilling on so many levels across a lifetime. Pretty gets you noticed and makes socializing a bit easier but thats about it.

Genetic lottery is so unfair!

[Anonymous]

Objectively speaking, I would say that both my sisters are prettier than me. But although I can be competitive (and not always in the most flattering ways to me) with my peers about many things, those kind of feelings just don't seem to translate to my sisters. They are such a part of me (like my kids) that I feel that their successes are partly mine. I really want them to be happy/successful etc and so the competitive thing just doesn't come up. Maybe it was something in the way we were raised? Kudos to my parents.

[Anonymous]

Well I have twin sister who is a model and does a lot of talent work. I'm sure everyone on here has actually seen her on magazine covers and commercials. Well I look nothing like her...and did I mention we're twins! She's about 6" taller than me and gets tons of attention for her looks. I remember a guy in college telling me that I had "gotten the short end of the stick" in the deal. Mind you, when I was younger I got tons of male attention and was considered "hot". But my sister was one of those people that people would just stop and stare at. Sometimes it rubs me the wrong way but overall I don't care a whole lot. I was still pretty and I was funnier. You just have to realize that even though they maybe more beautiful it doesn't mean you aren't special too. We all have our thing.

[Anonymous]

Sister is three years younger. She is considered by many to be beautiful. I am the smart one. Never wanted to change places with her !

[Anonymous]

My older sister ( by just 15 months) is prettier than me. I was the clever one and she was the pretty one. My sister is also extremely charming and one of the funniest people i have ever met. We are extremely close and while i was jealous of her beauty (still feel a pang now) i realized in my twenties that the big differentiator between us was not our looks (im considered attractive as well and thinner than her) but the fact that she has great interpersonal skills and can charm the pants off anyone.

I have worked on my interpersonal skills and the funny thing is people now comment on how similar we look. Im pleased to say we are now in our forties and both successful, happily married with great kids. Our families went on vacation together over spring break and we had such a great time.

A sister who is a close friend and confidante in one of the best gifts life has to offer. Jealously is natural but dont let it get in the way of your relationship. Im glad i didnt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can certainly relate. But I think you need to make your own way. A lot of this drama, competition and conflict plays out in your mind and does not need to. You do not need to constantly play the mental tape of "It would be so much easier to live my life if I were Larla Mae."

I believe therapy would help a lot. I know it did me with these issues with my brother. I think a lot of these issues are actually very old OP, and probably stem from a time in your life (early childhood) that it's time to let go of.

I agree with the therapy suggestion.

[Anonymous]

I'm 63 years old and have finally confirmed thru my neice why my older sister didn't want to have anything to do with me especially in the teen years. All my life I've been told I was pretty. My sister does not look like me but she is and has been very attractive. I always felt like I had done something wrong or said something offensive. When I finally got enough nerve to ask if she has anything against me, she exploded. I looked up to my sister - she was everything I was not - popular, smart (honor roll), on the High school dancing team, had friends, went to the prom (I didn't) got married, had children and a home. I have suffered with depression and social anxiety since I was a teen. I didn't have all the things my sister had. I was depressed and withdrawn and never spoke to anyone during high school years. It took a few years but because I started getting attention I slowly came out of that dark shell. She has ignored me, rejected me. But then, when she got married it all changed. She liked me. Then she got divorced and went back to the way she treated me - being distant. Not wanting to talk about anything. I wondered then....could it be she was jealous of my looks?? Yes, my neice confirmed. At first I felt bad. Then I got mad. You, sister, cannot put this on me! All the years she hurt my feelings (I didn't say anything) because I was the pretty one. Now I live alone. No one asked me to marry them. I have withdrawn again and cannot get my head around this. My sister to me was the most together person I had known. And to make matters worse, my mother had always been jealous of the relationships with my father, aunts and therapists. Now It is consuming me. Deliberately hurting me bringing me down all these years because I happened to look pretty???
It's just unbelievable. When I was young, I remember looking up to her and saying "You're a genius". She had no comment. My "Looks" gave me confidence. And I have always felt that's all I have. I'm not jealous of her and never have been, never thought about it. So unfair!
I now don't know how to handle it. Have chosen not to do anything or say anything (she lives cross country).

[Anonymous]

I've the middle of 3 sisters and I've always been the ugly sister.
I've had adults fawn over my sisters in front me and say nothing to me, worst than that was them realizing their rudeness and then throwing a pity "Oh you're cute too."

I can remember being a kid and a boy making a comment about not believing I was related to my sister because she was prettier.

The worst for me is they're both really successful too. I'm not I work hard, but having a number of disabilities makes learning anything difficult never mind succeed.

I don't have the personality either, I'm naturally very quiet and I don't process conversations quickly enough to adequately contribute.

Don't really see the point in therapy it is what it is, genes aren't always fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well I have twin sister who is a model and does a lot of talent work. I'm sure everyone on here has actually seen her on magazine covers and commercials. Well I look nothing like her...and did I mention we're twins! She's about 6" taller than me and gets tons of attention for her looks. I remember a guy in college telling me that I had "gotten the short end of the stick" in the deal. Mind you, when I was younger I got tons of male attention and was considered "hot". But my sister was one of those people that people would just stop and stare at. Sometimes it rubs me the wrong way but overall I don't care a whole lot. I was still pretty and I was funnier. You just have to realize that even though they maybe more beautiful it doesn't mean you aren't special too. We all have our thing.

Is your sister Gisele?