Be honest, how much are you helping with homework/projects?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't help my 12 yr old unless she asks. She asks me to quiz her to study for tests sometimes. Earlier this year she had a week with TONS of homework and when I looked at it, a lot was busy work. I did a big chunk of that for her since she already knew it.

This is why so many teachers have stopped having kids do projects at home, because they know parents like you do it for them. What do you think you are teaching your child here? Will you also be the mom that types up her paper for her when she is in college because she's so stressed?

No kidding. This kind of thing amazes me.

[Anonymous]

My 12 year old has ADHD. I also have a 10th and a 2nd grader. They do everything themselves. I am available for questions, but usually I offer a suggestion for a google search instead of actually answering. I am also happy to quiz them for tests. But that's it.

[Anonymous]

Zero. DD wants us nowhere near her work, since second or third grade.

[Anonymous]

I have an almost 10yo DS also with ADHD + anxiety issues. I focus my help on time management. For weekly- and long-term assignments, DS has to come up with a reasonable plan to get his work done & for now, I hold him to it. Eventually, I'd love for him to self manage 100%, but he really can't yet without panicking and shutting down (esp big, long term assignments).

DS also has handwriting delays and it is painful to watch him try to write things out - it looks like a preschooler's writing & is largely illegible. So, he's allowed to type assignments. I will occasionally scribe for him if he's got a huge amount to do and he can't easily type it on a computer (ie. math worksheets with long division or where fractions can't easily be expressed in Word). I'll still make him write out 3-4 problems on his own (using graph paper) to make sure he understands the spacing and what is supposed to line up with what. And if I've scribed, I indicate as much on the homework sheet (tho it's pretty obvious). Teacher has been ok with this so far.

But next year is middle school for DS, & he will have to be even more independent. We're considering having him use a computer for voice-to-text notes & assignments, assuming the school will allow. DS is smart - if homework could be turned in verbally, we wouldn't have any issues; but transferring what's in his brain to a sheet of paper is painful. Has anyone tried voice-to-text before?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 9 yr old DC is in a gifted program. I will help with ideas for projects if DC is stuck; help with HW if DC asks; help with formatting reports on the word processor. But, I never give DC the quick answer or actually do any of the work myself.

I rely on DC to tell me if everything is done. I don't check it myself. We verbally go through a checklist. If DC lies and didn't complete it, then DC suffers the consequence of a bad grade, and learns a lesson (hopefully).

So far, working out ok.

Mostly this for my 10yo DC. Although for my 10yo I have needed to help with project management - the gifted programs have more long-term projects, and we've been working closely on goal-setting, achieving milestones, breaking into parts, not procastinating. It's starting to stick. As for the actual work, he does it all himself, with a little help on word processing and powerpoint (or whatever Google's equivalent is) formatting from me. My 8 yo DC does homework by himself at kitchen table without help so I only see it about 1x a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't help my 12 yr old unless she asks. She asks me to quiz her to study for tests sometimes. Earlier this year she had a week with TONS of homework and when I looked at it, a lot was busy work. I did a big chunk of that for her since she already knew it.

This is why so many teachers have stopped having kids do projects at home, because they know parents like you do it for them. What do you think you are teaching your child here? Will you also be the mom that types up her paper for her when she is in college because she's so stressed?

I'm teaching her that after she's done homework for five hours, enough is enough and I will help when the workload is ridiculous. When the teacher is punishing the entire class for three kids bad behavior by giving everyone two hours of busy work on TOP of their regular homework, yes I will call bullshit. In college she will type her own papers. But she's not in college now, just sixth grade. In college you don't get busy work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't help my 12 yr old unless she asks. She asks me to quiz her to study for tests sometimes. Earlier this year she had a week with TONS of homework and when I looked at it, a lot was busy work. I did a big chunk of that for her since she already knew it.

This is why so many teachers have stopped having kids do projects at home, because they know parents like you do it for them. What do you think you are teaching your child here? Will you also be the mom that types up her paper for her when she is in college because she's so stressed?

I'm teaching her that after she's done homework for five hours, enough is enough and I will help when the workload is ridiculous. When the teacher is punishing the entire class for three kids bad behavior by giving everyone two hours of busy work on TOP of their regular homework, yes I will call bullshit. In college she will type her own papers. But she's not in college now, just sixth grade. In college you don't get busy work.

So teach her that enough is enough by BEING HONEST... don't do the work, take a principled stand and tell the teacher why not, and accept any consequences. Otherwise, if she wants credit for the work she needs to actually do the work. Otherwise you are simply teaching her to cut corners, lie, and quite frankly - cheat. Something turned in for evaluation/credit should be primarily the work of the person whose name is attached and it certainly shouldn't be something someone else did for the person. You already passed sixth grade; how is your daughter getting credit for the work you are capable of producing in any way acceptable?

Listen, I get it. I do. Our (high school aged) kids definitely have times where they are overscheduled and overwhelmed. But that doesn't mean I allow them to cheat. Anything they will be getting credit for at school will be their work. Divide and conquer is a great thing, and our family typically does A LOT to take the pressure off of whoever is temporarily extremely busy -- if one of the kids is swamped with schoolwork, it's not unheard of for oldest sibling to make a library run for his sister's preliminary research for a paper while oldest daughter is doing math homework, or for one of the twins to write out a set of foreign language notecards that both will study from while her sister types both of their already written lab reports. DH and I have no problem proofreading papers, doing the physical work of putting together posters, skimming research paper outlines to suggest where something needs more support, or anything like that. The kids also similarly step up if DH or I gets really busy at work by helping manage more of the workload at home as we keep chores flexible since people don't always have time. Additionally, often if we bring home something to work on we will have one or two of the kids who aren't buy volunteering to edit written work or be a first audience for briefing slides or something. That's just family helping family when someone is busy and overwhelmed, but anything that ends up submitted as someone's work under someone's name is understood that it must be that person's own words with only editing or facilitation by someone else.

If your middle schooler is regularly working for 5+ hours a night, that indicates a potential issue with either the volume of work or something about how your daughter is approaching the work, and I would suggest you talk to the teacher. That's crazy.

I realize our experience is probably atypical in the other direction, but when the kids were in middle school it was rare for them to have more than 90 minutes and often much less. Granted they made excellent use of free time during the day or on the bus and they were careful about the ratio of effort expended to effort needed for required result and very efficient in their work habits, but still 5 hours seems nuts to me. I wouldn't allow that to continue unchecked.

[Anonymous]

^11:43 was a different poster than the one who made the post in the middle of the quote.

I'm 11:43 and I'm a new poster on this thread, but I just found the idea of someone literally doing the homework for their child to be ridiculous enough that it had to be pointed out as the insanity it was. No wonder my kids sometimes felt their honest best work didn't measure up if they were 12 year olds competing with work produced by parents, and possibly university educated ones at that! Ugh. Not to mention the lessons that teaches.

[Anonymous]

11 and 7 -- They do their work themselves. I'll help if the printer needs new ink or they ask for clarification on something, but their homework is for them to complete.

[Anonymous]

Many parents at my DD's elementary school do their child's science fair project.

You should see some of the projects and display boards - there is JUST NO. WAY. a kindergartner or even a fifth grader did it.

I'm actually kind of embarrassed for these families when kids have such elaborate boards. It tells me parents are obviously trying to show something off but it comes across poorly for these families....and they do't know it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many parents at my DD's elementary school do their child's science fair project.

You should see some of the projects and display boards - there is JUST NO. WAY. a kindergartner or even a fifth grader did it.

I'm actually kind of embarrassed for these families when kids have such elaborate boards. It tells me parents are obviously trying to show something off but it comes across poorly for these families....and they do't know it.

Last year my 6th grade dd got "accused" of having her parent make her science fair board. She made her board. I took her to the store and provided all of the tools she needed like a paper cutter and taught her how to use them. Her board took a long time. The accusers were her classmates who all know me because I am also their Girl Scout leader. When I saw them at the science fair they asked me if I did her board. I explained that I hadn't and them pointed out all of the ways I would have done it differently if I was making the board. You know what happened....they all asked their parents for paper cutters and other supplies. This year at the science fair all of the girls in the 7th grade had boards that looked great. So please don't always assume that parents are doing the work. Sometimes parents are just giving thier children the tools to do the work themselves. I have a degree in design so my children are exposed to discussions about how presentation matters. Just like the basket ball coaches child is exposed to discussions about ways to improve when playing basketball and very likely is encouraged to practice more than other kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an almost 10yo DS also with ADHD + anxiety issues. I focus my help on time management. For weekly- and long-term assignments, DS has to come up with a reasonable plan to get his work done & for now, I hold him to it. Eventually, I'd love for him to self manage 100%, but he really can't yet without panicking and shutting down (esp big, long term assignments).

DS also has handwriting delays and it is painful to watch him try to write things out - it looks like a preschooler's writing & is largely illegible. So, he's allowed to type assignments. I will occasionally scribe for him if he's got a huge amount to do and he can't easily type it on a computer (ie. math worksheets with long division or where fractions can't easily be expressed in Word). I'll still make him write out 3-4 problems on his own (using graph paper) to make sure he understands the spacing and what is supposed to line up with what. And if I've scribed, I indicate as much on the homework sheet (tho it's pretty obvious). Teacher has been ok with this so far.

But next year is middle school for DS, & he will have to be even more independent. We're considering having him use a computer for voice-to-text notes & assignments, assuming the school will allow. DS is smart - if homework could be turned in verbally, we wouldn't have any issues; but transferring what's in his brain to a sheet of paper is painful. Has anyone tried voice-to-text before?

sounds like my son. I don't know about voice to text notes, but will be investigating. Sounds like what he needs!!

[Anonymous]

If you have a kid with attention problems homework takes forever.

[Anonymous]

"So teach her that enough is enough by BEING HONEST... don't do the work, take a principled stand and tell the teacher why not, and accept any consequences. Otherwise, if she wants credit for the work she needs to actually do the work. Otherwise you are simply teaching her to cut corners, lie, and quite frankly - cheat."

+1
Shame on you PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many parents at my DD's elementary school do their child's science fair project.

You should see some of the projects and display boards - there is JUST NO. WAY. a kindergartner or even a fifth grader did it.

I'm actually kind of embarrassed for these families when kids have such elaborate boards. It tells me parents are obviously trying to show something off but it comes across poorly for these families....and they do't know it.

Last year my 6th grade dd got "accused" of having her parent make her science fair board. She made her board. I took her to the store and provided all of the tools she needed like a paper cutter and taught her how to use them. Her board took a long time. The accusers were her classmates who all know me because I am also their Girl Scout leader. When I saw them at the science fair they asked me if I did her board. I explained that I hadn't and them pointed out all of the ways I would have done it differently if I was making the board. You know what happened....they all asked their parents for paper cutters and other supplies. This year at the science fair all of the girls in the 7th grade had boards that looked great. So please don't always assume that parents are doing the work. Sometimes parents are just giving thier children the tools to do the work themselves. I have a degree in design so my children are exposed to discussions about how presentation matters. Just like the basket ball coaches child is exposed to discussions about ways to improve when playing basketball and very likely is encouraged to practice more than other kids.

Look, when the PP said she knows some parents do their kids science projects, she may have heard it first hand from the parents themselves. Don't we all know parents who have acknowledged this?