MIL and vacation

[Anonymous]

OP, you're making this more of a problem than it needs to be. Careful, or you will feed the drama.

+1. Actually, reading OP's post, it is pretty clear that she is manufacturing the drama. OP, you sound very petty and somewhat paranoid.

Go the wedding if your DH wants to go and your family is invited. Act like a grown up. Be polite to everyone and if your MIL insults you, walk away. Easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I need to add, MIL likes to act like the warm and fuzzy matriarch when she clearly is not.

MIL called us to ask if we were going. To most people, this would be a normal conversation. In MIL's world, it is one of her many ways of cornering DH, so he commits, one way or the other, which is impossible right now. We have so many plans that are contingent upon other plans this summer, that there is no possible way to have an truthful reply right now.

If the cousin forgoes the invite to us, based on MILs cornering DH, that would be bad. MIL wants to act like she is in touch with us, when in reality, she never bothers with us at all. We are damned if we do, and damned if we don't.

The two points I raise (the invite and the interaction, should we attend) should not be disappointing, but it is. Same old, same old with a really nasty woman.

This seems kind of petty on your part. In your original post you said that your husband wants to attend this wedding. So when your MIL asked him if he was going, why would you consider that as being cornered by her? He can commit when the invite arrives.

Thanks for the responses and perspective!

OP here. MIL does this with all of the family weddings and events: she calls DH and asks for a commitment, months before the invites are mailed. Often times, the bride and groom are not in contact with MIL, nor are we. Given that DH is a grown adult, I feel like she should not call him to "check on" his plans for attending the wedding. She does it so she can sound like she knows what is going on with the family, but she really complicates matters. After all, wedding invitations are not sent out until eight weeks prior to the vent, for a reason. I feel like MIL is looking to get us cut out of the invite process, and corners Dh into saying "probably not" - when in reality we would be going, had MIL not interfered and gotten our potential invite rescinded. It is as if she is looking for an excuse to put it on us: "well, (DH) *said* you couldn't go...."

As if she wants to start drama, but pretend she did not. Whereas, she should just be letting us answer for ourselves by the expected procedure that everyone else is following. Mysteriously, MIL succeeded in getting her other children (who are not able to attend) an invitation. See what I am getting at? It is exhausting, to say the least.

I wouldn't find it odd at all for my mom or MIL to ask if we are attending a wedding. And it's not about "cornering". If the answer is "we'd love to go, just need to find out our summer work schedule begone we can commit" why not say that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP, you're making this more of a problem than it needs to be. Careful, or you will feed the drama.

+1. Actually, reading OP's post, it is pretty clear that she is manufacturing the drama. OP, you sound very petty and somewhat paranoid.

Go the wedding if your DH wants to go and your family is invited. Act like a grown up. Be polite to everyone and if your MIL insults you, walk away. Easy.

OP here. I agree not to feed the drama - Thanks! MIL never RSVPs to our events, nor do the siblings, so for MIL to act like she is somehow "in charge" and speaks for us is laughable. In fact, at our wedding, MIL added a bunch of people we didn't know, who never showed up - and DH and I cut people close to us to achieve MILs "goal" (which was to manipulate the situation, just like here). Which would not have been as much of an issue, had DH and I not planned and paid for our wedding ourselves, in spite of extent circumstances (plural) at the time. Mil is an expert ball buster - not a compliment, BTW.

Manipulating is MILs specialty. So I may not be articulating in the manner you would like, but I would certainly substitute your statement of paranoid for *exhausted*!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I need to add, MIL likes to act like the warm and fuzzy matriarch when she clearly is not.

MIL called us to ask if we were going. To most people, this would be a normal conversation. In MIL's world, it is one of her many ways of cornering DH, so he commits, one way or the other, which is impossible right now. We have so many plans that are contingent upon other plans this summer, that there is no possible way to have an truthful reply right now.

If the cousin forgoes the invite to us, based on MILs cornering DH, that would be bad. MIL wants to act like she is in touch with us, when in reality, she never bothers with us at all. We are damned if we do, and damned if we don't.

The two points I raise (the invite and the interaction, should we attend) should not be disappointing, but it is. Same old, same old with a really nasty woman.

This seems kind of petty on your part. In your original post you said that your husband wants to attend this wedding. So when your MIL asked him if he was going, why would you consider that as being cornered by her? He can commit when the invite arrives.

Thanks for the responses and perspective!

OP here. MIL does this with all of the family weddings and events: she calls DH and asks for a commitment, months before the invites are mailed. Often times, the bride and groom are not in contact with MIL, nor are we. Given that DH is a grown adult, I feel like she should not call him to "check on" his plans for attending the wedding. She does it so she can sound like she knows what is going on with the family, but she really complicates matters. After all, wedding invitations are not sent out until eight weeks prior to the vent, for a reason. I feel like MIL is looking to get us cut out of the invite process, and corners Dh into saying "probably not" - when in reality we would be going, had MIL not interfered and gotten our potential invite rescinded. It is as if she is looking for an excuse to put it on us: "well, (DH) *said* you couldn't go...."

As if she wants to start drama, but pretend she did not. Whereas, she should just be letting us answer for ourselves by the expected procedure that everyone else is following. Mysteriously, MIL succeeded in getting her other children (who are not able to attend) an invitation. See what I am getting at? It is exhausting, to say the least.

I wouldn't find it odd at all for my mom or MIL to ask if we are attending a wedding. And it's not about "cornering". If the answer is "we'd love to go, just need to find out our summer work schedule begone we can commit" why not say that?

Yes, with most people, it is in fact this easy OP here. With MIL, not so much. I say black, she says white.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP, you're making this more of a problem than it needs to be. Careful, or you will feed the drama.

+1. Actually, reading OP's post, it is pretty clear that she is manufacturing the drama. OP, you sound very petty and somewhat paranoid.

Go the wedding if your DH wants to go and your family is invited. Act like a grown up. Be polite to everyone and if your MIL insults you, walk away. Easy.

OP here. I agree not to feed the drama - Thanks! MIL never RSVPs to our events, nor do the siblings, so for MIL to act like she is somehow "in charge" and speaks for us is laughable. In fact, at our wedding, MIL added a bunch of people we didn't know, who never showed up - and DH and I cut people close to us to achieve MILs "goal" (which was to manipulate the situation, just like here). Which would not have been as much of an issue, had DH and I not planned and paid for our wedding ourselves, in spite of extent circumstances (plural) at the time. Mil is an expert ball buster - not a compliment, BTW.

Manipulating is MILs specialty. So I may not be articulating in the manner you would like, but I would certainly substitute your statement of paranoid for *exhausted*!

OOPs! extent should be exigent.