Family member has a serious acute medical emergency but would just like for me to pay up and shut up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
What I get from reading this is that the OP has not been given more details, that she is just expected to accept "medical emergency" as the reason for a fourth gift of a large amount of money.

If you have it to give, do so. Be sure to let them know, however, that your reserves are now officially wiped out. Give, for this last time.

When asked again (because we know there will be another catastrophic car need or house damage accident or something), explain that your four gifts of X, X, X, and X amounts (totaling XXXX) wiped you out and suggest two things, like a bank loan or a local social service agency, insurance, or whatever.

Commiserate in the future, but no more giving. Unless you're truly in it for the long haul, and you're okay with this set up. Even then, moving forward, offer to make direct payments. For example, child X needs braces, wisdom teeth extracted, whatever. Fine, what's the dentist's name, I'll send a check out today. Accountant said I'd face tax liability if I kept making checks out to you and not claiming you as a dependent (or something that sounds authoritative, if entirely inaccurate).

Call the bluff by maintaining that your hands are tied---either because you've been wiped out by past gifts or some accountant/audit/thing has instructed you thusly.

Or just say no. That also works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you have to pay? I think you need more information in your post.

I wouldn't pay. If they are indigent, medicare/medicaid will pay. Why should you be responsible?

Still middle class enough to scrape by. No extras. not eligible for Medicaid.

If you refuse to pay then they will become eligible because they will use up whatever funds they do have to pay for these medical bills.
I agree with other PPs that it would be easier to discuss if we had more details, but bottom line is--you do not have to pay if you don't want to pay. You decide if your frustration with paying is greater then whatever fallout in family relations will occur if you don't pay. Your choice.

Not necessarily. My brother was on Disability and he had too much income to be eligible for Medicaid. Thank god for Obamacare because he wouldn't have been able to get health insurance otherwise!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
What I get from reading this is that the OP has not been given more details, that she is just expected to accept "medical emergency" as the reason for a fourth gift of a large amount of money.

If you have it to give, do so. Be sure to let them know, however, that your reserves are now officially wiped out. Give, for this last time.

When asked again (because we know there will be another catastrophic car need or house damage accident or something), explain that your four gifts of X, X, X, and X amounts (totaling XXXX) wiped you out and suggest two things, like a bank loan or a local social service agency, insurance, or whatever.

Commiserate in the future, but no more giving. Unless you're truly in it for the long haul, and you're okay with this set up. Even then, moving forward, offer to make direct payments. For example, child X needs braces, wisdom teeth extracted, whatever. Fine, what's the dentist's name, I'll send a check out today. Accountant said I'd face tax liability if I kept making checks out to you and not claiming you as a dependent (or something that sounds authoritative, if entirely inaccurate).

Call the bluff by maintaining that your hands are tied---either because you've been wiped out by past gifts or some accountant/audit/thing has instructed you thusly.

I agree with this. Also, don't agree to just give the person money, tell them to give you the name of whomever they owe money to, and that you'll pay the bill directly. We've helped my FIL on a few occasions by giving him the money he said he needed, but once started insisting on paying directly every time he asked, the vast majority of financial crises magically resolved themselves with no payment required.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Or just say no. That also works.

+1. "No" is a short, easy to pronounce word. Learn to use it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
What I get from reading this is that the OP has not been given more details, that she is just expected to accept "medical emergency" as the reason for a fourth gift of a large amount of money.

If you have it to give, do so. Be sure to let them know, however, that your reserves are now officially wiped out. Give, for this last time.

When asked again (because we know there will be another catastrophic car need or house damage accident or something), explain that your four gifts of X, X, X, and X amounts (totaling XXXX) wiped you out and suggest two things, like a bank loan or a local social service agency, insurance, or whatever.

Commiserate in the future, but no more giving. Unless you're truly in it for the long haul, and you're okay with this set up. Even then, moving forward, offer to make direct payments. For example, child X needs braces, wisdom teeth extracted, whatever. Fine, what's the dentist's name, I'll send a check out today. Accountant said I'd face tax liability if I kept making checks out to you and not claiming you as a dependent (or something that sounds authoritative, if entirely inaccurate).

Call the bluff by maintaining that your hands are tied---either because you've been wiped out by past gifts or some accountant/audit/thing has instructed you thusly.

I agree with this. Also, don't agree to just give the person money, tell them to give you the name of whomever they owe money to, and that you'll pay the bill directly. We've helped my FIL on a few occasions by giving him the money he said he needed, but once started insisting on paying directly every time he asked, the vast majority of financial crises magically resolved themselves with no payment required.

Oh, forgot to mention the other thing we did. For those times when he was inclined to let us pay directly, we followed up by saying that after we paid the bill, he needed to work with us to figure out a payment plan for repaying the debt. To the extent paying directly didn't make the crisis disappear, this helped a lot too because he didn't want to show us his finances so he figured out how to deal with stuff himself.

[Anonymous]

Why do you post something with so little information? What is the point?

[Anonymous]

No. It is a complete sentence.

[Anonymous]

If you are getting the bill it sounds like your name was listed on something that it shouldn't have been. ID theft happens in families most often. again, need more info.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like this relative is into drugs, gambling, and/or friends of friends.

[Anonymous]

Only do this if you pay the bills directly!