becoming a "trailing spouse"

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm a trailing spouse. I had a very successful career, and when we made the jump to support DH, it was understood that moving would be a temporary solution, and I would find work that fulfilled me, but that the financial burden would (and could) be carried by him, as this was a sacrifice to benefit his career.

We relocated to an area where my niche career doesn't really exist. DH and I agreed that I would have a few months to settle in to our new city, as we had lived separately the previous 18 months while he decided in new job and area was what he wanted.

So, there I was scraping paint on our Reno house, and I received a call from the competition to my previous employer with a job to work 100% remotely.

I'm the only employee in a nationwide company to work fully remotely, and I've paved the way for others to work partially by telecommute.

I didn't look for work at all in our new city. And I was terrified to do so, because it would mean a complete career change for me.

I guess my point is - we are 1500 miles from "home". Search for work in your new location, but also consider, if you're good at what you do, offering companies in your current network, your services. Market yourself to anyone and everyone. If you have a good reputation, it will follow you and reward you in spades. You may be shocked to find out who has connections in your new location.

[Anonymous]

Can you apply for a hardship transfer within your agency?

[Anonymous]

Live in different places for awhile.

[Anonymous]

I'm also hopefully in a similar position as the OP. DH has done the job talk and now we wait to hear whether or not they want him. We will absolutely ask about possible positions for me if he does get an offer. It's quite normal to do so after an offer has been made. You never know who knows whom at the new employer. I hope your DH gets the offer, OP!

[Anonymous]

In my experience finding federal jobs outside of DC can be tough unless it's in a really undesirable location. You should still give it a shot though.

[Anonymous]

Trailing spouse here ... it SUCKS.

Sure, travel is great -- especially international, but the rest of it? I am sick of it and there is no going back now! DCs hate it too. Good Luck OP!

[Anonymous]

OP here, just want to say "thanks" for all the great advice.

If (when?) his talk and campus visit get scheduled, I'll start reaching out to everyone I know, including my supervisors. Unfortunately it's a place with a military connection, so I'm not sure if spouse hires are something they can do, but if he did get an offer, it wouldn't hurt to mention it. Who knows, maybe it won't be a decision we have to make anyway.

[Anonymous]

I'm a trailing spouse. Quit my job and got one in the new city doing something entirely different, and all ended well.

My experience was that the university was useless unless you were desperate. They could only offer temp options such as a postdoc. It was much more effective to conduct my own job search, using my networks.

[Anonymous]

If you're talking Bay Area you will take a huge hit in quality of life. Things are so costly there and many, many families are rolling around in tech money (founders, Angels, iPo companies, VCs, bankers). Good luck, do the math on cost of living.

If not Bay Area, enjoy the adventure!

[Anonymous]

If you're talking Bay Area you will take a huge hit in quality of life. Things are so costly there and many, many families are rolling around in tech money (founders, Angels, iPo companies, VCs, bankers). Good luck, do the math on cost of living.

If not Bay Area, enjoy the adventure!

I'm also in a pretty specialized field looking at jobs around the country similar to being a professor. Dh is willing to be a trailing spouse if he can work some part of his job remotely, which we think will be possible. I pulled out of a job process in silicon valley area, however, because we realized that the COL, with 2 kids, and our incomes would just not work. We are considering a move to a smaller town in Mass, where DH could easily get back to DC as needed. So, if I were you, I would consider all factors--not just your own job (important) buta lso the overall picture.

and I LOVE the bay area. But there's no way we would have loved the life we had there.