How can I make my stepkids feel special

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give them back their dad

You are an ASSHOLE.

Nope. This is what these kids want. Parents who get fivorcef should not remarry and have more kids. You owe something to your children.

[Anonymous]

OP, I do not agree with the poster who is making these unrealistic and hurtful remarks. However, I do think "feeling special" is the least of your problems. Having a genuine relationship with their dad needs to be the priority. Baby bonding will likely follow from that, and will be easier your child gets older and is able to play with the siblings more interactively.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think it is a lovely thought. Ignore the hater. You've gotten some good input here. If it were my bio kids, I'd be grateful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a half-sister and wanted absolutely nothing to do with her as it was obvious that my father preferred her to me. Loathed step mother. Leave them alone. You broke up their parents, in their minds at least.

Why should they want anything to do with you or your kid?

Just because you are bitter and have self esteem issues, doesn't mean everyone does. It sounds life you had a miserable childhood. I feel bad for you.

[Anonymous]

This is the OP. Trust DCUM to take a positive sentiment about making people feel special and pick it apart and make it something ugly. Thanks for the constructive feedback from the non-miserable people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a half-sister and wanted absolutely nothing to do with her as it was obvious that my father preferred her to me. Loathed step mother. Leave them alone. You broke up their parents, in their minds at least.

Why should they want anything to do with you or your kid?

Just because you are bitter and have self esteem issues, doesn't mean everyone does. It sounds life you had a miserable childhood. I feel bad for you.

Step children rarely like step parent or half siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a half-sister and wanted absolutely nothing to do with her as it was obvious that my father preferred her to me. Loathed step mother. Leave them alone. You broke up their parents, in their minds at least.

Why should they want anything to do with you or your kid?

Just because you are bitter and have self esteem issues, doesn't mean everyone does. It sounds life you had a miserable childhood. I feel bad for you.

Step children rarely like step parent or half siblings.

While I imagine this is true statistically, good for OP to be interested in at least making an effort not to assume that this has to become her family's truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the OP. Trust DCUM to take a positive sentiment about making people feel special and pick it apart and make it something ugly. Thanks for the constructive feedback from the non-miserable people.

We are telling you a possible truth you are trying to ignore. Most kids are not happy about additional kids. However wrong or screwed their parents relationship was/is a little piece of them (maybe even subconciously) wants there parents together.
Get over your perfect fantasy life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a half-sister and wanted absolutely nothing to do with her as it was obvious that my father preferred her to me. Loathed step mother. Leave them alone. You broke up their parents, in their minds at least.

Why should they want anything to do with you or your kid?

Just because something happened and it was your dad's fault, does not mean every family is like that. In my husband's case, we didn't meet till almost 10 years after the divorce. His ex divorced him after cheating on him with his best friend (forcing out his wife with two kids, once special needs who has since past away where he didn't pay child support - yes, I know as I sent her gift cards when she couldn't buy her kids clothing and food and could no work due to the medical needs), moved cross country, divorced him and refused no matter how many court battles to let him have visits despite him paying child support and all extras (none of the extra's were ordered) and all travel costs (even though it was ordered split). I love how dad's are always to blame, even when it was the mom's fault.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Ignore the troll on this thread. There are plenty of recombined families who make it work.

I would take every opportunity to show them that the baby is part of their family too. Don't buy their love, as one PP said, but stay in regular contact and ask about their life and their concerns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give them back their dad

You are an ASSHOLE.

Nope. This is what these kids want. Parents who get fivorcef should not remarry and have more kids. You owe something to your children.

Fuck off. Kids don't get to dictate their parents' sex lives and relationship statuses. If these kids can't welcome OP and the new little one, they're the ones with the problem, not her. A new sibling is a gift and they need to see that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a half-sister and wanted absolutely nothing to do with her as it was obvious that my father preferred her to me. Loathed step mother. Leave them alone. You broke up their parents, in their minds at least.

Why should they want anything to do with you or your kid?

Just because something happened and it was your dad's fault, does not mean every family is like that. In my husband's case, we didn't meet till almost 10 years after the divorce. His ex divorced him after cheating on him with his best friend (forcing out his wife with two kids, once special needs who has since past away where he didn't pay child support - yes, I know as I sent her gift cards when she couldn't buy her kids clothing and food and could no work due to the medical needs), moved cross country, divorced him and refused no matter how many court battles to let him have visits despite him paying child support and all extras (none of the extra's were ordered) and all travel costs (even though it was ordered split). I love how dad's are always to blame, even when it was the mom's fault.

Interesting how your comment does not mention the kids feelings. The scenario still does not negate the probability the kids want their parents together

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give them back their dad

You are an ASSHOLE.

Nope. This is what these kids want. Parents who get fivorcef should not remarry and have more kids. You owe something to your children.

Fuck off. Kids don't get to dictate their parents' sex lives and relationship statuses. If these kids can't welcome OP and the new little one, they're the ones with the problem, not her. A new sibling is a gift and they need to see that.

Of course. Why should the parents who are adults be beholden to their kids who are really rather powerless. After all when they grow up they will have all the power!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP,

Ignore the troll on this thread. There are plenty of recombined families who make it work.

I would take every opportunity to show them that the baby is part of their family too. Don't buy their love, as one PP said, but stay in regular contact and ask about their life and their concerns.

Not every disagreeing opinion is a troll

[Anonymous]

It's great that you have this attitude OP. It's interesting how many bitter first wives are on here. If you didn't show interest in the step kids they would be all over you for that too. Many on here assume they know the full story. The kids need to feel that they are loved by all parties here, by you, mom, dad, step dad, step siblings - not just the bio dad. Could you send them movie tickets or gift cards or something. This way it shows you are thinking about them and it makes the gift more about them. I would sign it from the baby. When you see them ask them what they would like to do. Spend time with the family together or with just their dad. If they ask to do something with their dad, maybe he can take them some place fun for the weekend, skiing, GreatWolf Lodge..

My cousins LOVE their step mom they are now in their 30's. She was really there for them when they were younger and they also have 2 step brothers that they are really close with.

You can not change the past or the fact that they have a new sibling. You can help nurture a good environment for everyone involved. Good luck and thanks for trying to be a good person.