s/o Have you ever dated (or married) someone who is gay without knowing?

[Anonymous]

Without joking around, what is the gaydar or something off all of you saw?

[Anonymous]

My friend's dad. He came out in the 80s and is now happily married after living with his partner for over 20 years.

[Anonymous]

No me, but I've had two married co-workers run into this.

One was a man who had two kids with his wife, when she suddenly left him for another woman. No one saw that coming.

The other was a male co-worker who was married, again with two kids. This man was very effeminate, really a classic gay stereotype. Some people would suggest that he was gay but others would say, "Nah...he's married, with kids!" Of course it surprised me not at all when I learned that he left his wife for a man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Without joking around, what is the gaydar or something off all of you saw?

didn't initiate sex for months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No me, but I've had two married co-workers run into this.

One was a man who had two kids with his wife, when she suddenly left him for another woman. No one saw that coming.

The other was a male co-worker who was married, again with two kids. This man was very effeminate, really a classic gay stereotype. Some people would suggest that he was gay but others would say, "Nah...he's married, with kids!" Of course it surprised me not at all when I learned that he left his wife for a man.

There are 3 totally effeminate (so much so I assumed they were out) martiex to women at our elementary school.

My parents have met these dudes at my kids' soccer games and made a comment about them--assuming they were gay, e.g., the one chatting to us with another dad- my parents assumed they were partners.

[Anonymous]

I can think of 3 men who dated/married friends of mine who are clearly gay. In all 3 cases, they overcompensated by acting ultra-macho. Two of the relationships thankfully dissolved; one continues to be a trainwreck.

[Anonymous]

From a voyeuristic angle, my DD plays in a summer girls softball league and one of the female coaches is VERY butch, and she's married to a guy who is VERY effeminate. Of course none of this is my business, but they are a curious couple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From a voyeuristic angle, my DD plays in a summer girls softball league and one of the female coaches is VERY butch, and she's married to a guy who is VERY effeminate. Of course none of this is my business, but they are a curious couple.

A rare double beard?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From a voyeuristic angle, my DD plays in a summer girls softball league and one of the female coaches is VERY butch, and she's married to a guy who is VERY effeminate. Of course none of this is my business, but they are a curious couple.

I always assumed this was the way for everyone involved to win - butch woman with effeminate man, that is. It very well may work for you sexually, you can have kids, no discrimination, etc. I'm surprised it doesn't happen more often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From a voyeuristic angle, my DD plays in a summer girls softball league and one of the female coaches is VERY butch, and she's married to a guy who is VERY effeminate. Of course none of this is my business, but they are a curious couple.

A rare double beard?

Ha!! Love it. I know 2 couples like this. The wife--very big and butch. The husband- so twinkling and effeminate.

They seem very happy--genuinely seem to like each other.

[Anonymous]

I briefly dated a guy in college who was a total ass in a typically male way (know-it-all, bullying, etc). A few years after graduating he had a sex change and is now a woman! Go figure.

[Anonymous]

On more of the empathy side, it must be terrible for a perfectly good man to date a woman while he is either questioning or denying his sexuality. That cannot be easy.

[Anonymous]

Yup. A young woman family member married a guy who turned out to be gay. Marriage did not last a year. She knew the guy all through college and grad school. Friends first and then when she broke up with long term bf, got together with the gay guy. I met him at the rehearsal dinner and immediately said to myself "holy shit, he's gay!", looked at my dh and we both raised our eyebrows to each other but never said a word out loud. I assumed i was being completely rude and non accepting of the modern metrosez
xual until a 70 something aunt told us of the breakup a few month later with the explanation "you know, he has all the makings of a homosexual". Situation got really nasty and crazy, involving pix and texts from a gilted boyfriend of the groom. Husband actually stole brides cell phone to avoid being found out, he didnt really want to be out, bride and mother of the bride were in denial and embarrassed after the fancy expensive wedding (groom was very involved in the fancy details). I wouldnt have believed the crazy story if it didnt happen to my totally normal, educated, well traveled, successfully employed, seemingly stable relatives. You never know.

[Anonymous]

I had a married neighbor who we all knew was gay. One day, we saw his wife moving out. He had come out of the closet and he's now with his life partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Without joking around, what is the gaydar or something off all of you saw?

didn't initiate sex for months.

+1