Mom pressuring me to spend time with my brother's in-laws who live out of state

[Anonymous]

My siblings got married way before I did, so I spent time with their in laws, including holidays at in law houses. Now with my own family no way would I prioritize it. However, my own parents suck and I actually like my sisters in laws better than my parents, so if I had a bit more time I wouldn't mind hanging with them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you spend time with your siblings' in-laws? What is the expectation in the U.S. for this? Aren't you just expected to spend time with your own blood relative and your own in-laws?

My brother is getting married soon, and my mom is insisting that we start spending holidays with my brother's in-laws. I don't know what she is thinking, she never batted an eye when he didn't spend time with my in-laws.

Can anyone relate? I just don't get it. I have already told her that I'm not interested in spending time with them (they are out of state) and that I already have a lot of family obligations (her and my dad live nearby, my in-laws live 10 min. away, sister-in-law lives nearby, our 3 kids are older and have a lot of school/after school activities, etc.)

I would guess that your mom is anxious about losing your brother to his new wife's family and wants to find a way to not lose holidays with him. If OP is a woman she probably didn't have the same worry (the whole 'your son's your son 'til he takes a wife, your daughter's your daughter all her life).

I would never expect to specifically try to spend time with my siblings ILs. We did see my sister's ILs regularly (until she divorced) because they live in the same town as sis and our parents so they all spent all holidays together. We see BIL's ILs at Thanksgiving because they always host both sides of BIL/SIL's family.

[Anonymous]

I honestly don't think you need to say anything unless there's an actual trip/event being planned. Otherwise you're just getting into an argument over nothing.

[Anonymous]

Your mother wants to you drive across state lines to spend some with your brother's in-laws? Do you have any other reason to be in their town? It would be a trip just to see them, right? That's weird. My sister stayed with my in-laws for a weekend when she was already in town, and went back to visit a couple times once she had her own place, and everyone seemed happy about it, but I think that's kind of the exception, not the norm. I see my brother's in-laws at Christmas now and they seem nice enough but we don't socialize outside of that.