Sister and I can't get along dividing moms wedding set after she passed away. Need advice.

[Anonymous]

OP do you know of any reason why your sister won't/didn't give you the money from the estate, ie was there enough to cover that bequest? When you told your sister you wanted the money that was to accompany the diamond what did she say?

Fwiw, I think your feelings are justified and I'm sorry you're in this situation. I would have a very hard time with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You got one of three diamonds. Maybe it's your brother that's being short changed for not getting the 3rd diamond. As for the coin set, it's only worth over $100.
Divide that 3 ways and it is worth one trip to the grocery store. All this isn't worth losing sleep over. Let that go. If they ever ask to borrow money in the future, you know you can deny them without feeling guilty. That's how I would settle the ledger.

OP: FWIW my brother was given a very very large diamond from my fathers side of the family - that was worth more.

[Anonymous]

Yes, your feelings are justified. And your sisters actions tell you who she is and what her priorities are. You know her well based upon your history with her and the current situation and she's not going to change; it's your choice to accept her for who she is, warts and all and maintain a cordial relationship with her (without any expectations) or cut her out if your life. It's as simple as that.

As far as the ring is concerned...as hard as it is, I would let it go. Yes, it has sentimental value but a thing is just a thing and we can't take any of it with us. Life is so short and it sounds like you have the thing that is most valuable, which is a loving, cherished relationship with your mom. I just don't think the ring is worth a bitter battle with your sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP do you know of any reason why your sister won't/didn't give you the money from the estate, ie was there enough to cover that bequest? When you told your sister you wanted the money that was to accompany the diamond what did she say?

Fwiw, I think your feelings are justified and I'm sorry you're in this situation. I would have a very hard time with this.

OP: she said she didn't want to. Then she said to have the diamond appraised, which I did. then she said let my bother decide. My brother agreed with me, much to her disgruntlement. She was the person who distributed the rest, and she just ignored it.

[Anonymous]

Why let it go? Who wants to associate with a thief and pretend they're not a thief? If anything, let HER go.

[Anonymous]

OP: I had let this go. What brought it up was my bother's email about the coins, which I had forgotten about, which had been left in a box of other stuff that SIBS didn't want - for four years. Why out of the blue is he carrying about the coins? I suspect it was a result of my sister's nagging. Really, it's just like her, but not like my brother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: I had let this go. What brought it up was my bother's email about the coins, which I had forgotten about, which had been left in a box of other stuff that SIBS didn't want - for four years. Why out of the blue is he carrying about the coins? I suspect it was a result of my sister's nagging. Really, it's just like her, but not like my brother.

So why are you mad at your brother in this? He went to bat for you with your sister over the diamond, but ultimately couldn't force her to do it. It doesn't sound like he's wronged you in any way, so I'm not sure what the current offense is.

As for your sister, it's really hard to know how to feel about that without knowing her side of it. From her perspective, there may be something else you got that she felt outweighed the value she was supposed to give you for the diamond, so she may believe everything has been trued up.

[Anonymous]

You either love them for who they are or you distance yourself. You can't change who they are or make they see how selfish they are being.

You can feel hurt and disappointed that they are selfish. Your brother is just a pawn, she probably just nagged him so much. Tell him he can pick up the coins any time... it's not worth $130 for that drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: I had let this go. What brought it up was my bother's email about the coins, which I had forgotten about, which had been left in a box of other stuff that SIBS didn't want - for four years. Why out of the blue is he carrying about the coins? I suspect it was a result of my sister's nagging. Really, it's just like her, but not like my brother.

So why are you mad at your brother in this? He went to bat for you with your sister over the diamond, but ultimately couldn't force her to do it. It doesn't sound like he's wronged you in any way, so I'm not sure what the current offense is.

As for your sister, it's really hard to know how to feel about that without knowing her side of it. From her perspective, there may be something else you got that she felt outweighed the value she was supposed to give you for the diamond, so she may believe everything has been trued up.

Like the coin collection. OP, I'd get the collection professionally appraised to satisfy the siblings then pay them.

I agree with pp and would let the issue with your sister go as the last act of love to your mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: I had let this go. What brought it up was my bother's email about the coins, which I had forgotten about, which had been left in a box of other stuff that SIBS didn't want - for four years. Why out of the blue is he carrying about the coins? I suspect it was a result of my sister's nagging. Really, it's just like her, but not like my brother.

So why are you mad at your brother in this? He went to bat for you with your sister over the diamond, but ultimately couldn't force her to do it. It doesn't sound like he's wronged you in any way, so I'm not sure what the current offense is.

As for your sister, it's really hard to know how to feel about that without knowing her side of it. From her perspective, there may be something else you got that she felt outweighed the value she was supposed to give you for the diamond, so she may believe everything has been trued up.

OP: I'm not mad at my brother. I think the coin collection is silly. I just don't understand why after 4 years it all of a sudden matters. He has photocopies of the coins, he can get a general idea of what they are worth. My feeling is: this is really my sister's issue. Her MO not talking to me is to get my brother to carry her messages. I don't think the coins are an issue for anyone, so it's just so e sort of other agenda, but my brother wouldn't pick up on that and my sister wouldn't be honest as to why after all this time the coins are a big del. I have no problem with giving each twice the money of what thy think the coins are worth. The coins aren't really about the coins IMO.

[Anonymous]

^^^OP: I think the coins are just some other kind of power play by my sister ..... Really after four years this is all of a sudden a priority???? Like I said I'll give them whatever they want over that. But I don't get all of a sudden wanting to be extra fair about small potatoes, when the diamond issue was never resolved.

[Anonymous]

Good luck, OP! This sort of thing is terrible. I hope you find a way to work this out.

[Anonymous]

this makes me glad no one in my family has money.

[Anonymous]

Stop making the coin collection a power play. Just give it to your brother to deal with and be done with it.

As for your sister, do what you want. We don't have enough information to weigh the merits of who is right and who is wrong, so you need to decide if you can put money behind you for the sake of your relationship with your sister, or if the money is more important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It is very difficult to maintain good relationships with relatives who fight over estates. No way would I walk away from what was mine and I would want the rules to apply no matter what the other family members thought regarding selfish distribution. And be prepared for a strained relationship with your sister who billed your mom $3000 month while she was ill.

+1

It is easy to say "material things don't matter," but to some of us, certain such things do, and the way family handles these situations does as well.

Who is the executor? That person should enforce the terms of the will.