s/o going from SN private to mainstream private

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to be the buzzkill here but we found huge prejudice when trying to transition. We did the SN route from pre-K through 1 and our child did tremendously well and was clearly miles ahead of peers with respect to readiness to transition to a mainstream school. But when we interviewed at other private schools we had one hell of a time getting in, and got rejected at several.

In our case it worked out miraculously well -- one school looked past the SN background at our child's significant talents and potential (which included strong academic performance, various artistic talents, high achievement scores, and boundless positive enthusiasm). Child is now performing at the top of the class in a good mainstream school -- indeed, one far stronger than a couple that had given us rejections. A year and a half in, it's overwhelmingly clear that our child would have been one of the strongest students in any of the other schools we applied to, a lead performer in any mainstream class (we felt this already based on performance in extracurriculars but have had it proved in spades since moving over).

In retrospect I almost shudder with fear over how hard it might have been had we tried to make the transition at a later year. We found the anti-SN prejudice very powerful even coming out of first grade.

Plenty of kids without SN get rejected at private schools. Maybe your child had an off day visiting or maybe it just wasn't a good fit. You have no way of knowing if there was prejudice.

Fair enough, though we have a pretty good idea. Most of these never got to the visit stage. Our child is almost universally a teacher favorite at every camp, class and school attended. Strangely the rejections came from those who turned down sight unseen. So, true, no way to know for sure, but it seems a weird coincidence that the rejections came from the places looking at the school background and not at the child, while those who have worked with the child (often without knowledge of the SN background) have had only praise and an eagerness to work with again.

Given the child's subsequent success in school, we feel on pretty solid ground in discerning some prejudice. One school even attributed certain characteristics to our child based on the fact that others at DC's SN school had those issues, even though our child didn't. It was pretty clear they were projecting an image onto DC rather than showing a willingness to evaluate as an individual.

Btw, I should add to other anecdotes that support the prejudice theory:

1) Another child left our SN school a year earlier and had the same experience. Couldn't get into any of the schools they most wanted. Wound up making a desperation choice school, re-applied a year later -- and got in everywhere. Parent concluded, reasonably, that washing the SN label off the child was the primary reason for the different results.
2) Another family, based on our two experiences, redacted info from school applications, including SN background. Was able to dodge questions because had just moved, said new to area, and was just coming into K, so said no transcript. Was accepted where we hadn't been, although our child's challenges were significantly less.

Also, in our case, one of the schools had tentatively scheduled a visit for us. It was abruptly canceled and our application declined. In questioning after the fact, we learned that the head of school had called around to get general info on the SN school we were coming from, and the decision not to invite us for a visit was made that same day. So yes, it's impossible to know for sure, but it seems reasonable to hypothesize a fair amount of prejudice in the application process.

OK, and now you've got me remembering more details about this as I re-live it. One school said directly to us, "We're not a good next school after [the school you are coming from.] Try schools x, y, and z, and possibly apply to us if things go well there." They pretty much said directly to us that their thinking was a function of where we were coming from.

[Anonymous]

Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to be the buzzkill here but we found huge prejudice when trying to transition. We did the SN route from pre-K through 1 and our child did tremendously well and was clearly miles ahead of peers with respect to readiness to transition to a mainstream school. But when we interviewed at other private schools we had one hell of a time getting in, and got rejected at several.

In our case it worked out miraculously well -- one school looked past the SN background at our child's significant talents and potential (which included strong academic performance, various artistic talents, high achievement scores, and boundless positive enthusiasm). Child is now performing at the top of the class in a good mainstream school -- indeed, one far stronger than a couple that had given us rejections. A year and a half in, it's overwhelmingly clear that our child would have been one of the strongest students in any of the other schools we applied to, a lead performer in any mainstream class (we felt this already based on performance in extracurriculars but have had it proved in spades since moving over).

In retrospect I almost shudder with fear over how hard it might have been had we tried to make the transition at a later year. We found the anti-SN prejudice very powerful even coming out of first grade.

Plenty of kids without SN get rejected at private schools. Maybe your child had an off day visiting or maybe it just wasn't a good fit. You have no way of knowing if there was prejudice.

Fair enough, though we have a pretty good idea. Most of these never got to the visit stage. Our child is almost universally a teacher favorite at every camp, class and school attended. Strangely the rejections came from those who turned down sight unseen. So, true, no way to know for sure, but it seems a weird coincidence that the rejections came from the places looking at the school background and not at the child, while those who have worked with the child (often without knowledge of the SN background) have had only praise and an eagerness to work with again.

Given the child's subsequent success in school, we feel on pretty solid ground in discerning some prejudice. One school even attributed certain characteristics to our child based on the fact that others at DC's SN school had those issues, even though our child didn't. It was pretty clear they were projecting an image onto DC rather than showing a willingness to evaluate as an individual.

Btw, I should add to other anecdotes that support the prejudice theory:

1) Another child left our SN school a year earlier and had the same experience. Couldn't get into any of the schools they most wanted. Wound up making a desperation choice school, re-applied a year later -- and got in everywhere. Parent concluded, reasonably, that washing the SN label off the child was the primary reason for the different results.
2) Another family, based on our two experiences, redacted info from school applications, including SN background. Was able to dodge questions because had just moved, said new to area, and was just coming into K, so said no transcript. Was accepted where we hadn't been, although our child's challenges were significantly less.

Also, in our case, one of the schools had tentatively scheduled a visit for us. It was abruptly canceled and our application declined. In questioning after the fact, we learned that the head of school had called around to get general info on the SN school we were coming from, and the decision not to invite us for a visit was made that same day. So yes, it's impossible to know for sure, but it seems reasonable to hypothesize a fair amount of prejudice in the application process.

OK, and now you've got me remembering more details about this as I re-live it. One school said directly to us, "We're not a good next school after [the school you are coming from.] Try schools x, y, and z, and possibly apply to us if things go well there." They pretty much said directly to us that their thinking was a function of where we were coming from.

Thank you for sharing your experiences. We are in the process of deciding between public or SN private. SN private would probably do a better job of meeting DC's current needs, but I'm worried about closing off opportunities in the future, should those opportunities be appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Thank you for sharing your experiences. We are in the process of deciding between public or SN private. SN private would probably do a better job of meeting DC's current needs, but I'm worried about closing off opportunities in the future, should those opportunities be appropriate.

You're welcome and I hope it's useful. I do want to be clear, though -- I am not for a moment regretting our decision to go SN. Those years provided absolutely invaluable developmental help to our DC. What I'm offering is just a frank appraisal of what we found to be a downside -- the difficulty of completing the post-SN transition to the desired mainstream track.

Doing it all over again, I'm not sure we'd have done it any differently. I think if I could replay the tape, I'd have tried to make the leap one year earlier, coming into 1st rather than 2nd. But on the other hand, our DC made a great friend that last year at the old school. I do know that if we'd waited one year longer we'd have had real problems. 3rd grade really accelerates the academic work, and 2nd was really the absolute latest that we could have made the transition relatively easily.

And obviously, doing it all over again, we wouldn't have wasted our time with closed-minded schools.

Anyway, please understand I'm not arguing that you should opt against the SN track. I just want you to be prepared for all the subsequent contingencies.

Good luck!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Thank you for sharing your experiences. We are in the process of deciding between public or SN private. SN private would probably do a better job of meeting DC's current needs, but I'm worried about closing off opportunities in the future, should those opportunities be appropriate.

You're welcome and I hope it's useful. I do want to be clear, though -- I am not for a moment regretting our decision to go SN. Those years provided absolutely invaluable developmental help to our DC. What I'm offering is just a frank appraisal of what we found to be a downside -- the difficulty of completing the post-SN transition to the desired mainstream track.

Doing it all over again, I'm not sure we'd have done it any differently. I think if I could replay the tape, I'd have tried to make the leap one year earlier, coming into 1st rather than 2nd. But on the other hand, our DC made a great friend that last year at the old school. I do know that if we'd waited one year longer we'd have had real problems. 3rd grade really accelerates the academic work, and 2nd was really the absolute latest that we could have made the transition relatively easily.

And obviously, doing it all over again, we wouldn't have wasted our time with closed-minded schools.

Anyway, please understand I'm not arguing that you should opt against the SN track. I just want you to be prepared for all the subsequent contingencies.

Good luck!!!

What kind of support were you able to provide to your child after you left the SN school? If your child had social issues, were you met with understanding parents at the mainstream school?

[Anonymous]

That tracks with our experience at the early grades. DC hadn't been to an SN school, but had been treated for speech and attention issues. If we disclosed it to a school, DC was rejected. If we didn't disclose - because the question wasn't asked - DC was accepted. DC is thriving at one of the latter.

[Anonymous]

Thank you PPs for these honest answers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Thank you for sharing your experiences. We are in the process of deciding between public or SN private. SN private would probably do a better job of meeting DC's current needs, but I'm worried about closing off opportunities in the future, should those opportunities be appropriate.

This is what's important now. There are mainstream private schools that accept kids with SNs. Don't let your fear of the future prevent you from getting the help he needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Thank you for sharing your experiences. We are in the process of deciding between public or SN private. SN private would probably do a better job of meeting DC's current needs, but I'm worried about closing off opportunities in the future, should those opportunities be appropriate.

You're welcome and I hope it's useful. I do want to be clear, though -- I am not for a moment regretting our decision to go SN. Those years provided absolutely invaluable developmental help to our DC. What I'm offering is just a frank appraisal of what we found to be a downside -- the difficulty of completing the post-SN transition to the desired mainstream track.

Doing it all over again, I'm not sure we'd have done it any differently. I think if I could replay the tape, I'd have tried to make the leap one year earlier, coming into 1st rather than 2nd. But on the other hand, our DC made a great friend that last year at the old school. I do know that if we'd waited one year longer we'd have had real problems. 3rd grade really accelerates the academic work, and 2nd was really the absolute latest that we could have made the transition relatively easily.

And obviously, doing it all over again, we wouldn't have wasted our time with closed-minded schools.

Anyway, please understand I'm not arguing that you should opt against the SN track. I just want you to be prepared for all the subsequent contingencies.

Good luck!!!

What kind of support were you able to provide to your child after you left the SN school? If your child had social issues, were you met with understanding parents at the mainstream school?

Before and after SN years we worked with a speech path after school hours. The mainstream school has a speech path on staff that we're able to contract with separately, giving us on-site help. Many schools make this available, some either have a speech path on staff, others give school access and sometimes office space to one that parents can hire separately.

Re understanding at the new school -- somewhat scarred by our previous experience with prejudice re SN backgrounds, we have not shared that background with parents at the new school. The way I'd sum up our view is that DC worked like hell for years to overcome previous challenges, and despite all that work, through no fault of DC's own, was still viewed in terms of where DC had been rather than where DC's skills had advanced. We realized that we had subjected DC to this without DC's knowledge or consent, and that it was limiting opportunities in an unfair way. We made a conscious decision that we needed to stop forcing DC to be labeled by DC's past and give DC a clean slate that allowed DC to be judged by current performance. Based on DC's consistently strong performance in after-school activities and classes, we were optimistic DC would do well.

DC's social skills are not as advanced as peers at the new school, we don't attempt to hide that. Coming in, many parents commented on DC's smarts, enthusiasm and academic skills. Sometimes we would return the compliment and mention strong social skills as something their child had. They'd mention that they liked that our child helped theirs with academic stuff, and we'd mention that we liked it when DC learned from other children on the social side.

Short answer I suppose is yes, parents have been very understanding. It helps that DC is a really strong performer in the classroom and at school functions, and so is seen as a leader in most areas of school life, which probably adds to the willingness to indulge some of the social quirks. But we also think it helps that we were able to give DC a clean slate, and so we're keeping it that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Thank you for sharing your experiences. We are in the process of deciding between public or SN private. SN private would probably do a better job of meeting DC's current needs, but I'm worried about closing off opportunities in the future, should those opportunities be appropriate.

This is what's important now. There are mainstream private schools that accept kids with SNs. Don't let your fear of the future prevent you from getting the help he needs.

Yes, despite the stories I have shared, I agree with this. I'd reiterate that I am not arguing against the SN track. In fact if we had to do it all over again I still think the time in SN was the right call. Skills now being deployed would probably not have been developed nearly as well without the intensive help at SN.

The only info I want to impart is that anti-SN prejudice is a reality no matter what schools say. It's just human nature; behavioral science literature is very clear that all of us are subconsciously influenced by labels when we consider someone else's potential. The SN professionals we worked with tended to (understandably) underrate this reality, and we as parents underrated it too, causing us huge anxieties and frustrations later on.

If I were to give advice, it would be to take the SN track if it will develop skills your DC needs, but to have a very comprehensive plan in place for achieving a successful transition afterwards. Two specific ideas:

1) Be prepared that you may have to do a "transition school" that isn't your ultimate destination, to wash the SN label off and allow a fresh look at your child.
2) Take advantage of the fact that it's often easier to get into school camps than admitted to the school. Often professionals and teachers associated with a school are at the camps as well. If they already know your DC from firsthand observation, they will likely be more receptive than if they are asked to take a chance on an SN kid they don't know. Take advantage of the fact that in many places you can "audition" your child before putting them up for judgment.

[Anonymous]

How about going from mainstream private to SN private?
Our DC with ASD is in a small mainstream private K. Academically way above her peers but socially way below. He seems to be happy at school but I'm wondering if I should move him to a SN private to ramp up his social skills and emotional regulation.
Does anyone has a DC who was initially mainstreamed then moved to SN school/class and gained much more benefits from SN school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about going from mainstream private to SN private?
Our DC with ASD is in a small mainstream private K. Academically way above her peers but socially way below. He seems to be happy at school but I'm wondering if I should move him to a SN private to ramp up his social skills and emotional regulation.
Does anyone has a DC who was initially mainstreamed then moved to SN school/class and gained much more benefits from SN school?

We were thinking about doing this too for our 2nd grader... There would be zero hesitation on our part if DC did not attend an immersion language school since preK since changing to another school would mean giving up the language. I mean what do they learn in elementary anyway?

If you want to send to a SN school especially for the social skills learning part, younger is better, IMHO.

[Anonymous]

PP again. Unless there are issues at the school - I would hesitate to send to SN school. The reason we were considering changing to a SN school was b/c we were having a lot of behavioral issues this year that we haven't in the past. But thankfully, the behavioral issues have been mostly resolved and all seems well again.

Also, since you are looking at SN schools for 1st for HFA, you are pretty limited: Maddux or Auburn - neither of which get public funding and Maddux only goes to 2nd. The lower grades at Auburn are very very small, like maybe 4-5 kids for K-2nd and all boys.

I *think* Ivymount MAP only had 1 child in 1st grade this year.

[Anonymous]

The Auburn campus referred above is for the Silver Spring campus.