Advice for starting to date again after breakup? Looking for the right man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[quote=Anonymous

I will never understand women who invest years of their 20s on the same man with no ring and mo commitment. If you are 31, find a marriage minded man. Find out soon. And then don't waste your time. Men expect sex by the 3rd date.

OP here. Hmm...well, I actually was in very love with the person and wanted to try to work on things as much as possible. For me, the love you have is more important than the fact of marriage. I don't regret the things I went through because it made me a stronger, wiser person and I am a great catch for the next man.

Also, I don't care what men expect...I won't be having sex until I'm in a relationship. I am very sexual and enjoy that connection, but I had my share of sloppy dance floor makeouts and fooling around in college and early 20s. Not interested in that at this point in my life. If a guy has a problem with respecting my boundaries, obviously he won't be the right one for me.

You have been out of the dating scene for a while. You are in your 30s. Expecting a man to wait until you are "In a relationship" is going to limit your options...dramatically.

As a male, who respects women, I will not be exclusive or get in to a relationship with a woman unless we have slept together. Sex is a HUGE part of a relationship..and if we aren't compatible on that level, then no use becoming exclusive.

Wouldn't you pretty much know this the first time you slept together? If you were sexually compatible, would you keep sleeping with multiple women at the same time? What's the rationale for that? If you knew after the first time that you weren't sexually compatible, would you break up? I'm not OP, but I'm very uncomfortable sleeping with a partner who is actively sleeping with other partners. Even if you use a condom it really elevates the risk of STD transmission. If I have sex with a partner, what I want to know is that during the period we have sex together, you are not also having sex with someone else. We might have sex once and break up after that because we aren't compatible, or we might sleep together and continue to see each other for awhile, but I would expect that you are not sleeping with someone else. Oddly, I would be OK with either of continuing to date if one of us wasn't willing to commit to the relationship overall even while we were sleeping together, as long as the other relationships didn't progress to intercourse.

[Anonymous]

OP writing. I also am not comfortable having sex with someone who is sleeping with others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Wouldn't you pretty much know this the first time you slept together? If you were sexually compatible, would you keep sleeping with multiple women at the same time? What's the rationale for that? If you knew after the first time that you weren't sexually compatible, would you break up? I'm not OP, but I'm very uncomfortable sleeping with a partner who is actively sleeping with other partners. Even if you use a condom it really elevates the risk of STD transmission. If I have sex with a partner, what I want to know is that during the period we have sex together, you are not also having sex with someone else. We might have sex once and break up after that because we aren't compatible, or we might sleep together and continue to see each other for awhile, but I would expect that you are not sleeping with someone else. Oddly, I would be OK with either of continuing to date if one of us wasn't willing to commit to the relationship overall even while we were sleeping together, as long as the other relationships didn't progress to intercourse.

From the first time? Maybe. Depends on how it goes. Every situation is different.

Me personally, I don't sleep with multiple women at the same time. So I'm not going to be considered in a relationship with anyone I have not slept with and that I enjoy the sex with. I also won't continue to date someone if they aren't interested in sleeping with me by the 3-4th date (of course the type of date is important).

Not sexually compatible after first date. I would not continue dating them. I'd tell them I'm not interested but would have no problem remaining friends and hanging out (which won't happen anyway).

Some men will not be exclusive to one partner while just dating. Some will be fine with just dating/sleeping with one woman. I enjoy one at a time. I'm not trying to increase the notches on my headboard. I'm trying to find someone compatible and I do that one woman at a time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Wouldn't you pretty much know this the first time you slept together? If you were sexually compatible, would you keep sleeping with multiple women at the same time? What's the rationale for that? If you knew after the first time that you weren't sexually compatible, would you break up? I'm not OP, but I'm very uncomfortable sleeping with a partner who is actively sleeping with other partners. Even if you use a condom it really elevates the risk of STD transmission. If I have sex with a partner, what I want to know is that during the period we have sex together, you are not also having sex with someone else. We might have sex once and break up after that because we aren't compatible, or we might sleep together and continue to see each other for awhile, but I would expect that you are not sleeping with someone else. Oddly, I would be OK with either of continuing to date if one of us wasn't willing to commit to the relationship overall even while we were sleeping together, as long as the other relationships didn't progress to intercourse.

From the first time? Maybe. Depends on how it goes. Every situation is different.

Me personally, I don't sleep with multiple women at the same time. So I'm not going to be considered in a relationship with anyone I have not slept with and that I enjoy the sex with. I also won't continue to date someone if they aren't interested in sleeping with me by the 3-4th date (of course the type of date is important).

Not sexually compatible after first date. I would not continue dating them. I'd tell them I'm not interested but would have no problem remaining friends and hanging out (which won't happen anyway).

Some men will not be exclusive to one partner while just dating. Some will be fine with just dating/sleeping with one woman. I enjoy one at a time. I'm not trying to increase the notches on my headboard. I'm trying to find someone compatible and I do that one woman at a time.

If your priority is finding someone compatible, it seems like your rigid three to four date rule might be worth rethinking. If you were dating a woman and she had a million good qualities, and had her heart in the right place, you'd still chuck her for not having sex with you? Three to four dates could be in two weeks.

I mean, there are plenty of women who will have sex before date three. I just think it's a really silly dealbreaker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a graduate school educated, 31-year-old woman with a fun-loving personality. I am attractive, young looking (carded 90 percent of the time), family oriented, and enjoy the arts, concerts, restaurants, museums, travel, etc. I would like to find the right guy to spend my life with -- someone supportive, loving, intelligent, funny, and easy on the eyes with similar interests. I want to get married and have children, but am not laser-focused on it. I'm not that type.

I was in a long term (several years) relationship with someone my age that did not work out and now am back on the market. I have not dated in a while and have no idea where to start. The breakup is fresh, so I may wait a few weeks before dipping my toe in.

Any advice for me?

want to meet up OP? I'm similar to you but a year or two younger than you. Let's meet up for drinks or coffee and then give a report to DCUM. It can be one of those Wapo date match type articles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Wouldn't you pretty much know this the first time you slept together? If you were sexually compatible, would you keep sleeping with multiple women at the same time? What's the rationale for that? If you knew after the first time that you weren't sexually compatible, would you break up? I'm not OP, but I'm very uncomfortable sleeping with a partner who is actively sleeping with other partners. Even if you use a condom it really elevates the risk of STD transmission. If I have sex with a partner, what I want to know is that during the period we have sex together, you are not also having sex with someone else. We might have sex once and break up after that because we aren't compatible, or we might sleep together and continue to see each other for awhile, but I would expect that you are not sleeping with someone else. Oddly, I would be OK with either of continuing to date if one of us wasn't willing to commit to the relationship overall even while we were sleeping together, as long as the other relationships didn't progress to intercourse.

From the first time? Maybe. Depends on how it goes. Every situation is different.

Me personally, I don't sleep with multiple women at the same time. So I'm not going to be considered in a relationship with anyone I have not slept with and that I enjoy the sex with. I also won't continue to date someone if they aren't interested in sleeping with me by the 3-4th date (of course the type of date is important).

Not sexually compatible after first date. I would not continue dating them. I'd tell them I'm not interested but would have no problem remaining friends and hanging out (which won't happen anyway).

Some men will not be exclusive to one partner while just dating. Some will be fine with just dating/sleeping with one woman. I enjoy one at a time. I'm not trying to increase the notches on my headboard. I'm trying to find someone compatible and I do that one woman at a time.

If your priority is finding someone compatible, it seems like your rigid three to four date rule might be worth rethinking. If you were dating a woman and she had a million good qualities, and had her heart in the right place, you'd still chuck her for not having sex with you? Three to four dates could be in two weeks.

I mean, there are plenty of women who will have sex before date three. I just think it's a really silly dealbreaker.

I am looking for someone who is very sexual. Who doesn't consider sex taboo or something SOO special you must wait months and months to have it with someone. We are adults, we enjoy sex, and we want someone who is sexually compatible. So why wait around to see? I want someone with the same mindset. Nothing wrong with that. And chances are they won't have a million great qualities beyond sex that will keep me stringing along.

That is what I want. The OP knows what she wants. To each their own. We'll both find our compatible partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Wouldn't you pretty much know this the first time you slept together? If you were sexually compatible, would you keep sleeping with multiple women at the same time? What's the rationale for that? If you knew after the first time that you weren't sexually compatible, would you break up? I'm not OP, but I'm very uncomfortable sleeping with a partner who is actively sleeping with other partners. Even if you use a condom it really elevates the risk of STD transmission. If I have sex with a partner, what I want to know is that during the period we have sex together, you are not also having sex with someone else. We might have sex once and break up after that because we aren't compatible, or we might sleep together and continue to see each other for awhile, but I would expect that you are not sleeping with someone else. Oddly, I would be OK with either of continuing to date if one of us wasn't willing to commit to the relationship overall even while we were sleeping together, as long as the other relationships didn't progress to intercourse.

From the first time? Maybe. Depends on how it goes. Every situation is different.

Me personally, I don't sleep with multiple women at the same time. So I'm not going to be considered in a relationship with anyone I have not slept with and that I enjoy the sex with. I also won't continue to date someone if they aren't interested in sleeping with me by the 3-4th date (of course the type of date is important).

Not sexually compatible after first date. I would not continue dating them. I'd tell them I'm not interested but would have no problem remaining friends and hanging out (which won't happen anyway).

Some men will not be exclusive to one partner while just dating. Some will be fine with just dating/sleeping with one woman. I enjoy one at a time. I'm not trying to increase the notches on my headboard. I'm trying to find someone compatible and I do that one woman at a time.

If your priority is finding someone compatible, it seems like your rigid three to four date rule might be worth rethinking. If you were dating a woman and she had a million good qualities, and had her heart in the right place, you'd still chuck her for not having sex with you? Three to four dates could be in two weeks.

I mean, there are plenty of women who will have sex before date three. I just think it's a really silly dealbreaker.

I am looking for someone who is very sexual. Who doesn't consider sex taboo or something SOO special you must wait months and months to have it with someone. We are adults, we enjoy sex, and we want someone who is sexually compatible. So why wait around to see? I want someone with the same mindset. Nothing wrong with that. And chances are they won't have a million great qualities beyond sex that will keep me stringing along.

That is what I want. The OP knows what she wants. To each their own. We'll both find our compatible partner.

I'm a women who is a lot like PP. Sexual compatibility is very important to me and I want to find out about it sooner rather than later. Not necessarily 3rd date soon, but definitely before too long and before we are in a committed relationship.
That said, I'm also sure the OP will find me who are more in step with her values.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a graduate school educated, 31-year-old woman with a fun-loving personality. I am attractive, young looking (carded 90 percent of the time), family oriented, and enjoy the arts, concerts, restaurants, museums, travel, etc. I would like to find the right guy to spend my life with -- someone supportive, loving, intelligent, funny, and easy on the eyes with similar interests. I want to get married and have children, but am not laser-focused on it. I'm not that type.

I was in a long term (several years) relationship with someone my age that did not work out and now am back on the market. I have not dated in a while and have no idea where to start. The breakup is fresh, so I may wait a few weeks before dipping my toe in.

Any advice for me?

want to meet up OP? I'm similar to you but a year or two younger than you. Let's meet up for drinks or coffee and then give a report to DCUM. It can be one of those Wapo date match type articles.

Haha. Send me a little more info about yourself to [e-mail] (obviously, not my real name) and I will consider it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a graduate school educated, 31-year-old woman with a fun-loving personality. I am attractive, young looking (carded 90 percent of the time), family oriented, and enjoy the arts, concerts, restaurants, museums, travel, etc. I would like to find the right guy to spend my life with -- someone supportive, loving, intelligent, funny, and easy on the eyes with similar interests. I want to get married and have children, but am not laser-focused on it. I'm not that type.

I was in a long term (several years) relationship with someone my age that did not work out and now am back on the market. I have not dated in a while and have no idea where to start. The breakup is fresh, so I may wait a few weeks before dipping my toe in.

Any advice for me?

want to meet up OP? I'm similar to you but a year or two younger than you. Let's meet up for drinks or coffee and then give a report to DCUM. It can be one of those Wapo date match type articles.


LOL I'd ask the same...but I know you aren't cool with hooking up before getting serious.

Good Luck though. And report back on how things go.

Haha. Send me a little more info about yourself to [e-mail] (obviously, not my real name) and I will consider it.

[Anonymous]

Don't know why these quotes still getting messed up:

LOL I'd ask the same...but I know you aren't cool with hooking up before getting serious.

Good Luck though. And report back on how things go.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I think it's interesting that people equate wanting to get to know someone first to not being sexual or thinking sex is taboo. Within relationships, I really enjoy expressing myself in that way. It's just nowhere near as satisfying to me if I haven't had a chance to be attracted to who the person is, rather than only looks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a graduate school educated, 31-year-old woman with a fun-loving personality. I am attractive, young looking (carded 90 percent of the time), family oriented, and enjoy the arts, concerts, restaurants, museums, travel, etc. I would like to find the right guy to spend my life with -- someone supportive, loving, intelligent, funny, and easy on the eyes with similar interests. I want to get married and have children, but am not laser-focused on it. I'm not that type.

I was in a long term (several years) relationship with someone my age that did not work out and now am back on the market. I have not dated in a while and have no idea where to start. The breakup is fresh, so I may wait a few weeks before dipping my toe in.

Any advice for me?

want to meet up OP? I'm similar to you but a year or two younger than you. Let's meet up for drinks or coffee and then give a report to DCUM. It can be one of those Wapo date match type articles.

Haha. Send me a little more info about yourself to [e-mail] (obviously, not my real name) and I will consider it.

I will later tonight or tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Awww...where's Chuck Woolery when you need him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Awww...where's Chuck Woolery when you need him

OP here. I loved that show as a kid. That's probably part of my problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Few weeks and already looking at dating again? Damn girl slow down

Go out and be single for 6 months +

BUT I CAN'T BE ALONE! THE SCARLET LETTER!

OP writing. I think it's perfectly fine to be single, and I may well end up single for a few months. Honestly, I think women are damned if they do, and damned if they don't. I want to take this seriously, because I know what I want for myself if the right person comes along.

If I chose not to at least think thoughtfully about this, and decided to just say to myself, lol whatever I'll just bang whoever I want until further notice and not worry about it, in a few years I'd be writing, single and 38, what to do? And the response would be, you're screwed, you old hag. take your shriveled ovaries and begone!

Kidding, but not really.