Sister involved in emotional affair

[Anonymous]

RHinVA wrote:Your sister needs therapy. Her husband's verbal and physical abuse should be the reason she leaves, not to run to the arms of another man. It's so ironic that the affair guy is the push she needed, not the literal push she got from her husband.

I would tell her take from the affair guy the emotional support she needs but don't let it get physical. That would be bad for her in a divorce. Get therapy, learn to value herself as a person who deserves to be happy and to be treated with respect.

Good advice here.

[Anonymous]

Well, work spouses are typically nicer and more fun than real spouses, right? I suspect she will be in for a rude awakening once she's cooking and cleaning for the work spouse. Unless of course her DH is such an ass and the other guy truly is a perfect sweetheart.

[Anonymous]

Ideally we should all know our worth and that we deserve kind, respectful, loving treatment. Verbal/emotional abuse is so insidious though, that it has a way at chipping away at you when you don't even realize it. For a while, you don't even think it's abuse, per se. There are so many reasons why it is happening, like he/she is really stressed, job loss, illness, chronic pain, depression, anxiety, anger issues, childhood trauma, etc. etc. etc. You get my point. When you love your spouse, and it only happens every once in a while, you can make excuses because you think they're just really stressed that day, etc. When it gets worse, you think they're depressed or (fill in the blank), and you want to help them get treatment. I'm not saying this is the correct way things should go. I'm saying this is how it often goes and why it can be so insidious. Next thing you know, this seems "normal" in a way, because your self-esteem is so low and you've dealt with it so long.

So in this case, another man treats her with kindness and care, love and respect. Well, that may just be the eye opener that says "hey, right, it's not okay to be treated like shit, and not every man acts like my husband". It just may be the wake-up call that gets her out of the verbal/emotional abuse fog, and helps her see things more clearly. I agree one should not leave a marriage to run to another man (and should not have a physical affair), but should leave because they now finally remember what it is like to be treated well, and know they want that in their lives (whether it is with the AP or not). Then they look at their spouse and make the determination whether they will ever treat them well or not, and decide from there.

[Anonymous]

Pp is 100% correct!