furniture from parents house-- what's fair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'd bet money that the sideboard doesn't move from the basement in the next decade, but regardless just writing this thread helps me realize that I can live w/o the sideboard.

She's using it for storage in the basement.

Honestly, unless it is antique, why bother? If you want older style furniture $50 and craigslist will easily get you some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd just let her know you love it and if she changes her mind you would love to have it in your home. Take the table now though, because if you don't, then later she'll say she doesn't want to break up the set.

+1 and offer to pay her for it (to drive the point home, maybe then she'll say, no, of course not, take it)

This has about a 25% of working. If it does not, agree with PPs…drop it and go to craigslist. OMG I just handed someone my pristine Thomasville dining room set--we paid thousands for it--for a song, OP. [Ha, ironically given this post, they didn't take the sideboard, and even though I'm using it, I tried to encourage them to consider buying it so as to not break up the set. I even got their contact info and told them when we move back to our original home from here, I'm going to email them with it for first refusal.]

In this area people are always moving in and out, especially those with political jobs or terms that end.

[Anonymous]

Asking is a no-brainier. Really Op, you had doubts?

Doesn't mean it will be given to you. Who knows ~

[Anonymous]

You are thinking of this the wrong way. This isn't furniture from your parents house. This is furniture from your sisters house that AT ONE TIME used to belong to your parents.

[Anonymous]

She is using it for storage so she is using it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are thinking of this the wrong way. This isn't furniture from your parents house. This is furniture from your sisters house that AT ONE TIME used to belong to your parents.

+1

OP seems to be asking if the furniture is fair game since it once belonged to their parents. But in reality, the parents gave the furniture to the older sister, so now it's hers to do with as she pleases.

Maybe the sideboard now has sentimental value for the sister, so she'd like her own daughter to have it some day. Just because she's not using it doesn't mean she wants to get rid of it.

[Anonymous]

I am the op quoted here. The reason I posted that is because I have a dining room set that used to be moms. I have had it and used it for 19 years. None of my siblings wanted it at the time and my mom was going to get rid of it so I took it even though it was a bit shabby looking. I paid to have it refinished and it looks incredible. I am about to move and am having a table made for the new house. One sibling decided (not asked, decided) that since it was "mom's" and I wasn't going to use it anymore that he was going to take it. And was pretty pissed when I told him he could have it as soon as he paid for it (I was planning on selling it to at least recoup the cost of having had it refinished). His answer: I didn't pay anything for it, so why should he?

People get weirdly defensive about stuff, but I figure once I own and care for sonething almost 2 decades it isn't a "family piece," it's mine. He can have right of first refusal if I decide to get rid of it but it's still mine to do with as I please.

[Anonymous]

Sorry.pp quoted, not op. Apologies for that typo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the op quoted here. The reason I posted that is because I have a dining room set that used to be moms. I have had it and used it for 19 years. None of my siblings wanted it at the time and my mom was going to get rid of it so I took it even though it was a bit shabby looking. I paid to have it refinished and it looks incredible. I am about to move and am having a table made for the new house. One sibling decided (not asked, decided) that since it was "mom's" and I wasn't going to use it anymore that he was going to take it. And was pretty pissed when I told him he could have it as soon as he paid for it (I was planning on selling it to at least recoup the cost of having had it refinished). His answer: I didn't pay anything for it, so why should he?

People get weirdly defensive about stuff, but I figure once I own and care for sonething almost 2 decades it isn't a "family piece," it's mine. He can have right of first refusal if I decide to get rid of it but it's still mine to do with as I please.

Your brother should offer to pay for the refinishing cost to acquire the table. Personally, I don't think heirlooms should be sold unless the family doesn't want them. The value of the item is much more than its resale value. It's not worth poisoning a family relationship over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the op quoted here. The reason I posted that is because I have a dining room set that used to be moms. I have had it and used it for 19 years. None of my siblings wanted it at the time and my mom was going to get rid of it so I took it even though it was a bit shabby looking. I paid to have it refinished and it looks incredible. I am about to move and am having a table made for the new house. One sibling decided (not asked, decided) that since it was "mom's" and I wasn't going to use it anymore that he was going to take it. And was pretty pissed when I told him he could have it as soon as he paid for it (I was planning on selling it to at least recoup the cost of having had it refinished). His answer: I didn't pay anything for it, so why should he?

People get weirdly defensive about stuff, but I figure once I own and care for sonething almost 2 decades it isn't a "family piece," it's mine. He can have right of first refusal if I decide to get rid of it but it's still mine to do with as I please.

Asking your brother to pay for it was a weird move. Either you're willing to part with it (and keep it in the family!) or not. What difference does a few hundred bucks make in this whole situation? Weird PP. Weird.

[Anonymous]

It's not a few hundred bucks. It's about 4 grand.

[Anonymous]

And I am not sure a table that was bought by our folks at a commercial establishment that is still in business is an heirloom. No matter how expensive or nice. Lol. Would your opinion be different if it were a car?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the op quoted here. The reason I posted that is because I have a dining room set that used to be moms. I have had it and used it for 19 years. None of my siblings wanted it at the time and my mom was going to get rid of it so I took it even though it was a bit shabby looking. I paid to have it refinished and it looks incredible. I am about to move and am having a table made for the new house. One sibling decided (not asked, decided) that since it was "mom's" and I wasn't going to use it anymore that he was going to take it. And was pretty pissed when I told him he could have it as soon as he paid for it (I was planning on selling it to at least recoup the cost of having had it refinished). His answer: I didn't pay anything for it, so why should he?

People get weirdly defensive about stuff, but I figure once I own and care for sonething almost 2 decades it isn't a "family piece," it's mine. He can have right of first refusal if I decide to get rid of it but it's still mine to do with as I please.

Asking your brother to pay for it was a weird move. Either you're willing to part with it (and keep it in the family!) or not. What difference does a few hundred bucks make in this whole situation? Weird PP. Weird.

But are you the oldest and did your brother not have room for it earlier?

My older sibs took tons of my parents furniture. Basically neither had to pay to furnish their house. Saved them tens of thousands of dollars as we a re talking nice antiques. I couldnt take anything bc I was living in an apartment. I finally have a house rather than an apartment and it does suck that there is nothing left for me to take.

[Anonymous]

I am the youngest. They all had ample opportunities previously. No one wanted it before. They only wanted it after I paid to have it refinished, which was several years after I took it when mom moved and was literally about to donate it.

[Anonymous]

Family relationships can get very complicated about the most inane things. My folks just had to clear out two condos. The one closet to where five of seven siblings live, my folks just put out the fine china sets, sterling, crystal on the dining room table and said who ever could take whatever.

On lovely things that a child might have given to the folks over the years such as fine a painting, it was understood that those would return to the sibling.

Other ways to handle future sharing of family heirlooms as we have some through family - not that valuable, but more sentimental is to develop a list ahead of time of what each sibling or possibly other close relatives might like and have it with your papers. Or as in the case of my Mom's jewelry do it on a lottery system perhaps restricted as it is for this to her daughters. The idea of a lottery is that as your random opportunity came up you got to make a choice with no hard feelings of a parent having selected something special for one that another coveted. In the process one could always "trade."