Normal 6 year old behavior or possible issue?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 6.5 year old DD has recently started acting out and telling me that she hates me, hates the rest of the family and doesn't want to live with us any more. She's in a rule-testing phase and pretty much all interactions with her have been negative because her behavior has been so bad! I keep trying to praise the positive (on the rare occurrences) but to no affect. We even started a "good behavior chart", but it doesn't have many stickers.

Recently though, she's started saying she wishes she was never born and generally seems depressed. When I ask her what's wrong she says she can't live in a place with so many rules. She has also said she doesn't even like the people she should love (and I named all of our immediate family and cousins, etc and she says in tears she doesn't like any of us). I don't think we have excessive rules at our house, just the usual stuff of not hitting/antagonizing little brother, listening when we ask her to do something (or not to do something), etc... Yesterday she threw a 15 minute tantrum because we asked her to wear socks when leaving the house (it's winter!)! I've asked her if something is wrong at school because this all started recently and seemingly suddenly, but she said everything there is fine. Before a few months ago, she was a really great kid. Not sure if this is a phase all kids go through around 6 or if there may be some bigger issue?

I'd look into the depression thing. I showed a ton of signs of depression in early childhood and on up but my mom didn't get me help until I was about 16 and had already started in on some pretty self-destructive behaviors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is she sleeping? My child, who is always a bit difficult, became a lot more difficult--upset about stupid things, angry for not reason, saying things similar to what your daughter says. It turned out she was having a lot of trouble sleeping. We've improved the sleeping and her attitude has been so much better.

Np here. What did you do to help her sleep? We are struggling with difficulty falling asleep in our 12 yo and have tried everything so far, with little to no success. Desperate here.

[Anonymous]

this does not seem normal to me. The socks are a red herring, a 6 year old shouldn't be throwing tantrums at all, never mind 15 minute ones, something else might be going on.

[Anonymous]

Two of my kids have SN and two do not so I may have a somewhat different perspective. You don't say how long your DD has exhibited these behaviors. If it's been more than 6 months, you should make an appointment with a developmental specialist and have her evaluated. It will be helpful if you keep a log of her behaviors, note what happened prior to the episode, what she's like after it passes, when she went to sleep, when she woke up, screen time, etc. You're trying to identify triggers and patterns. f it's been less than 6 months, you should pick your battles, focus on the positive but maintain consistent boundaries, make sure she sleeps/exercises well and read some books like the Kadzin method. One of the most important things is to make sure you do not react emotionally to her outbursts. Chances are, it's just a phase she's going through. But, it pays to be prudent. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

my daughter was similar around the same age. now she's back to her 'normal' self. i'd get it checked anyway just to make sure. would also ask teacher if they have noticed anything to start that dialog (and maybe there's something going on at school to precipitate)

[Anonymous]

I have a kid like this, although more on the tantrum/controlling side and less on the saying she doesn't love us side. I do know that some kids are just a lot tougher to get along with than others (I have others). My kid is 9 now and still has an occasional tantrum, but is getting along much, much better all the time. We did get some help from a psychologist. But, what I have learned in the past few years is that she really knew she was playing us a lot of the time. And I think she felt she wasn't listened to and it really bothered her that she didn't have control - even from an early stage. In hindsight, I wish I'd seen this slide show that someone has been posting a lot of lately. I think this kind of approach would have helped a lot earlier:

http://www.slideshare.net/bondobbs/i-ammad-emotional-validation-skill

[Anonymous]

My 6 y/o had a similar tantrum today because he wanted to wear crocs. He doesn't claim to hate us, but he is always saying that everything is "unfair" and is also so negative that he's unpleasant to be around. He's been acting out at school too (same kind of attitude as as home). Our ped doesn't seem that worried, but we are getting an eval from a developmental ped just to be on the safe side. He has an extremely high IQ (at least based on the WPPSI, which I'm not sure is totally reliable), so PP's comment has me wondering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Normal.

No. Seek help for her.

Also, OP read the Kazdin Method. Positive reinforcement works, but you also need to have only a few goals to start and at least one that she can actually succeed in. GL.

Normal.

[Anonymous]

I would say my DD exhibited those behaviors at 6 and even threatened to run away at times. She's now 11 and basically a straight A student goody two shoes. As kids get older, there are more rules and they don't like it. I would say if you think these are words just in heat of the moment to hurt you I would ignore. If she's really upset all the time though, you should have her evaluated.