Normal 6 year old behavior or possible issue?
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Anonymous
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My 6.5 year old DD has recently started acting out and telling me that she hates me, hates the rest of the family and doesn't want to live with us any more. She's in a rule-testing phase and pretty much all interactions with her have been negative because her behavior has been so bad! I keep trying to praise the positive (on the rare occurrences) but to no affect. We even started a "good behavior chart", but it doesn't have many stickers.
Recently though, she's started saying she wishes she was never born and generally seems depressed. When I ask her what's wrong she says she can't live in a place with so many rules. She has also said she doesn't even like the people she should love (and I named all of our immediate family and cousins, etc and she says in tears she doesn't like any of us). I don't think we have excessive rules at our house, just the usual stuff of not hitting/antagonizing little brother, listening when we ask her to do something (or not to do something), etc... Yesterday she threw a 15 minute tantrum because we asked her to wear socks when leaving the house (it's winter!)! I've asked her if something is wrong at school because this all started recently and seemingly suddenly, but she said everything there is fine. Before a few months ago, she was a really great kid. Not sure if this is a phase all kids go through around 6 or if there may be some bigger issue? |
Anonymous
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my daughter is also 6.5 and has never gone through a phase like this and as a teacher of many, many, many 6 year olds i do not think this is normal behavior, particularly since it came on suddenly.
i don't have any worthwhile advice other than to not ignore it and dig deeper. |
Anonymous
| OP, I teach 6 year olds. From what you mentioned, I would not be too concerned at this point. Kids go through phases. That said, I would seek the opinion of a child psychologist if her behavior persists. Good luck! |
Anonymous
| Normal. |
Anonymous
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My kid is a handful and says some of the stuff your daughter is saying. And he hates rules like the plague. I also don't feel like I've got a lot of rules.
But, he doesn't do it to the extent that you are describing. The first thing I'd do is touch bases with her teacher when school is back in session and see if there is anything going on there -- similar behavior at school, problems with friends, etc. The other thing I would look at is exercise. Is she getting enough? Do you go outside? I know the weather has been pretty miserable, but if possible, try to increase some outside time in the sunshine. I do think the fresh air, activity, and sunshine help everyone's mood in general. My son can get whiny and Mr. Doom and Gloom when he's been sedentary several days in a row. And I agree with the other PP, if it persists, I'd talk to a child therapist about it, get some ideas. Good luck. |
Anonymous
No. Seek help for her. Also, OP read the Kazdin Method. Positive reinforcement works, but you also need to have only a few goals to start and at least one that she can actually succeed in. GL. |
Anonymous
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I think you should pick your battles a little more. I wouldn't have picked socks. I'd have asked, if she said no I'd have said a breezy okay, and tucked a pair of socks into my bag and herded us out the door. Natural consequences can be her guide. She won't die if her ankles and feet get cold/wet.
In a calm moment I'd tell her "I was thinking about what you said - that you feel like there are too many rules here. Can you tell me what rules you think are fair for you to have? How many rules would you give your six year old?" I would want to hear what SHE thinks is fair - get an idea of where her head is. Also, it would help her feel heard. |
Anonymous
+ 1000 |
Anonymous
This. Just let her have the socks. Try to let her have a little control over some little things when you can. When I was a kid I still remember a knock down drag out fight I had with my mother over socks. My thoughts were- you control every other thing I do, can I please just wear/not wear these particular socks! |
Anonymous
| How is she sleeping? My child, who is always a bit difficult, became a lot more difficult--upset about stupid things, angry for not reason, saying things similar to what your daughter says. It turned out she was having a lot of trouble sleeping. We've improved the sleeping and her attitude has been so much better. |
Anonymous
| OP- I would talk with her teacher if this persists. My DS8 was a bear, and come to find out he was having difficulty making friends. He did end up testing for a language impairment- I'm not suggesting this is what is the issue with your DD, but she may be having some friend trouble that she doesn't feel able/ready to express. |
Anonymous
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Kids her age (around 7) tend to feel like the world is against them and "It's not fair" is one of their favorite catchphrases. That part is normal. If she is truly depressed, that bears further attention.
I agree that picking your battles is important with this child. |
Anonymous
| My 6 ½ year old DD went through that recently. Lasted several weeks and seems to have faded away. Agree with need for autonomy and choices. Agree with pick your battles |
Anonymous
I agree that socks aren't a battle worth picking. Many kids, mine included, don't wear socks even in the winter. Who really cares? Based on this I think you might be kidding yourself when you think you don't have very many rules. This being said, I have three kids, all past the age of six and I spend a lot of time around kids and your daughter's behavior sounds a bit extreme. I might talk to my pediatrician if I were you. |
Anonymous
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I might get flamed for this but ... do you think she might be particularly smart?
Do a little research on "gifted sensitivities" and you will find that kids with high IQs sometimes react in the way you describe. |