My elderly parents and their nutty ways

[Anonymous]

Tape a newspaper to your mom and dad's chests each time you visit with them. Make them hold your hands as you take a selfie, then post it on FB and tag all your relatives.

Proof of visits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: They live independently. I try to visit often with the grandchildren and make sure things are in order. We do quite a few holidays with them. They don't see my brother and sister and their families much because they live much farther away, but basically anything they do (even just visit) is brag-worthy. On the other hand, they like to tell extended family members DH and I barely do anything for them and they feel so alone. Not only do we see them often, they have plenty of friends. They do it for sympathy, more visitors and more invitations for things. Last Christmas,10 minutes before we arrived they told my aunt they were all alone and it was a depressing Christmas. When we got there they were happy, but nobody would believe we were there. Nobody would believe we see them sometimes every other week. I wouldn't care except my aunt, cousins, etc try to guilt trip me and I am already doing plenty. I've tried to prove they are bullshitting, but it's futile. They feel so sorry for my parents?! So, I just need to do less and keep my sanity. I also need to stop answering calls from relatives!

Can anyone relate to this? It's irritating! It's also in a way funny because my grandmother used to do the same thing and it pissed my parents off.

I can. My nasty, ungrateful, most definitely NOT senile grandmother was cared for 24/7 by my Mum for years. Whenever a visitor came and asked her how she was, she'd answer: "Oh, if only I could go live in a nursing home". It reflected so poorly on the wonderful job my Mum and, to a lesser extent, I were doing. It made me want to scream - a nursing home, really. WTF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Mom, Dad, why are you complaining to the relatives about us? We do the best we can to see you often, and it hurts to get calls telling us all the bad things you say about us behind our backs."

"Aunt/cousin/uncle, oh for crying out loud! We're over there all the time. Why don't you go visit them instead of calling to guilt trip me? I'm not going to listen to you talk about this any more."

And any other time some relative tries to guilt trip you, shut it down.

The bolded, times a million.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine are like that too. The older and crazier they get, the more indirectly they communicate. My therapist says to listen for the feelings underneath the untrue statements: I miss you, I'm lonely, I'm feel that I'm not getting enough attention, I feel vulnerable.

. This is a good reminder, thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine are like that too. The older and crazier they get, the more indirectly they communicate. My therapist says to listen for the feelings underneath the untrue statements: I miss you, I'm lonely, I'm feel that I'm not getting enough attention, I feel vulnerable.

. This is a good reminder, thank you.

Same goes for talk of deceased relatives. If my grandma brings up her mother as if she's still alive, I don't correct her and say she is dead. Because the feeling underneath the words is "I care about my mother. She is important to me." So we talk about her mother for a while.

[Anonymous]

Have you considered that there may be some dementia?

[Anonymous]

No suggestions for you, OP but thanks for the post.

We are getting on and neither of us are complainers - just glad when we do see the kids. They keep in touch regularly by phone.

But it is sort of a reminder to us to never get into the groove that your parents are in with regard to how they complain about you.