would you be annoyed if your MIL

[Anonymous]

MIL sending christmas cards including photos of grandkids isn't weird. MIL sending Christmas cards including photos of grandkids where permission wasn't asked of the parents is disrespectful. They are your kids, not hers. She needs some boundaries. You are totally justified in being disappointed that she didn't ask you first.

[Anonymous]

I think MIL should have asked but if my MIL asked, I would say yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, my mom includes a photo of all the grand kids in her holiday card...and I don't think it's weird. And I bet you wouldn't care if your own mother did it instead of your MIL.

Like a pp said, political types do this sort of thing. The president of our company emails around a holiday greeting with a photo of him and his wife and their grand kids (but not their kids).

I wouldn't fight this battle, OP. I might have my DH comment to his mom that next year you two could send them pictures you've chosen or have the kids photographed with the grandparents.

OP here. Thanks, PP. This is helpful. I think what bothers me is that she did it without asking or even mentioning it, and I felt blind sighted. As you guessed, my mom does send out a holiday card of the whole family (we take an informal shot at Thanksgiving), but we know it is coming, the card only goes to family and close friends, and she gives everyone veto power over the photo, including my childless siblings. I think I'll take your advice and have DH suggest that we send photos of the kids pictured with their grandparents, since this card only features the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL sending christmas cards including photos of grandkids isn't weird. MIL sending Christmas cards including photos of grandkids where permission wasn't asked of the parents is disrespectful. They are your kids, not hers. She needs some boundaries. You are totally justified in being disappointed that she didn't ask you first.

OP here. Thank you! Even though I probably won't make a fuss, it makes me feel like a completely wacko for my reaction. I simply feel that she overstepped her boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Yes, she overstepped her boundaries. She's not the parent. My MIL would take photos and put them on facebook that were still in the mail to other people. I've stopped sharing photos with her, partially because she was so annoying asking for photos when I was too busy parenting to download the photos. But, better she send them to strangers than to people you were going to send pictures to.

[Anonymous]

I don't see what the big deal is. Also, I can't wait to see how some of the PPs act when they are the MIL, especially when they are on the receiving end of a 'no picture' ban.

If you look for offense you are always going to find it.

[Anonymous]

My MIL does a newsletter and includes pics that are notoriously unflattering of everyone but her.

[Anonymous]

I have a difficult MIL and if she did this, I'd react just like OP did. But when I look at the facts objectively, it's not a big deal; actually sweet. Maybe differing reactions depend on relationship with MIL?

[Anonymous]

Ah--an advantage to having a Jewish MIL! This is not a problem I need to worry about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL does a newsletter and includes pics that are notoriously unflattering of everyone but her.

Okay - this made me Laugh Out Loud. I had to read this one to my husband!

[Anonymous]

My mom includes a pic of the grandkids in her cards every year and it doesn't phase me. In fact it's always kind of fun to see which one she will use. OP, I think you're overreacting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't see what the big deal is. Also, I can't wait to see how some of the PPs act when they are the MIL, especially when they are on the receiving end of a 'no picture' ban.

If you look for offense you are always going to find it.

I always wonder what people like the OP will be as grandparents or as the in-laws.

If you don't want those people to act like grandparents you shouldn't have provided them with grandchildren

[Anonymous]

Just my own children and no one else? I think she should have told you first.

However, I would let it go and put her down as clueless.

[Anonymous]

I don't think this would bother me, especially if it's a part of a collage and one of a few pictures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's VERY weird, and an over-stepping of bounds on their part. It'd be one thing if all three generations did a family holiday photo with the intent you'd ALL send out the same pic. But this is not that.

+1

You are the parent, not them.